When the cold takes its toll
by Chiyoku Shibata
Summary: What's a young boy to do when it seems his world is crashing down around him? Run away from it all, of course. Yuki's under stress and takes it out on Shuichi. Story Completed, ended up being Shuichi/OC.
1. And the chill is felt

Chiyoku says: Hey everyone! This is very exciting for me because its the very first time I try my talents at writing fanfiction! I started writing this in one of my bored-out-of-my-mind moments. Remember to review afterwards! I would appreciate any comments you might have, considering I'm a newbie at this. I don't see the point of writing 'disclaimers' considering we're in a Fanfiction page. Anyone who writes here is bound to not own the characters or anything related to it...if you did own it, wouldn't you prefer to be trying to publish it? On that point, you'll never see a disclaimer in any of my stories.

Now, on with the fic!

** When the cold takes its toll**

**A fanfiction by Chiyoku Shibata**

**Chapter 1: And the chill is felt...**

Yuki sat on his chair by the desk, loving the precious silence as he wrote in his laptop as usual, when Shuichi burst in; a big smile on his face he jumped around over to the writer. "Yuukii!" he screamed in delight. Yuki looked up from his laptop only barely with an annoyed look on hisface and then glanced back to his work. "Guess what?" asked Shuichi, whom was now standing behind Yuki, still smiling brightly as he playfullymessed with his lover's hair. Silence reigned. "Yuuuki!" said Shuichi impatiently, "Gueess whaat!" he said again, louder this time. Yuki stopped writing, but still looked forward, he answered in a very serious tone. "I.don't.care. I'm busy." Shuichi still persisted. "But Yuki! You have to guess why I'm this happy!" he yelled cheerfully. Yuki now got up and turned to face a very annoyingly happy Shuichi. "Look brat, I don't care about what makes you happy." he said in a cold voice. Shuichi shivered but it went unnoticed. Then, Yuki added in a low growl "Now, leave me the fuck alone. I'm busy." Shuichi stared with wide eyes and a surprised expression, the boy could have swore he saw streaks of ice coming out of Yuki's mouth as he spoke. Shuichi left Yuki's office with a silent step and he gently closed the door.

Yuki took a deep breath to calm himself and he sat back down. Shuichi was awefully quiet when he left, thought Yuki. But, mad as he hadbeen, Yuki just figured that Shuichi had finally understood the meaning of silence; What the writer would later regret was not noticing the sadnesson Shuichi's eyes.

Said boy was now in the living room. Quietly sitting on the couch, his eyes staring into space as he meditated about everything that hadbeen going on in his life this past weeks. Why doen't Yuki care about me? He thought, Am I really so annoying? I really do care about him, and I love him so damn much; but every time he treats me so aloof I feel my heart breaking just a little more. Normally, it doesn't matter, because I know that his distant demeanor is just an act, a mask he uses to hide his true feelings just because he's afraid of getting hurt again, but...lately it doesn't seem like an act anymore. I think Yuki really hates me now. I just don't know why...

Yuki came out of his office three hours later, still looking angry, but now he was also tired, you could tell by the look in his eyes. He walked to the bedroom but he stopped at the door when he noticed that the bed was empty. It was late. Where's the brat? He wondered as he turned around going back to the living room. He found Shuichi, still dressed, sleeping on the couch. Yuki stood there pondering about what to do, finally, he decided to cover Shuichi with a blanket and he went back to catch up on some much needed sleep.

Yuki had been with a writers block for a few weeks now and this was bothering him to no end, thus the reason for his being colder than usual. He was working his hardest to finish his latest book but it seemed that his muse was taking a break. His mind was concentrating solely on his work and he hadn't even noticed how hard he was being on Shuichi.

The next day, Shuichi woke up and dragged himself off the couch; the blanket fell on the floor, unnoticed, as Shuichi rubbed his eyes and yawned loudly. He walked to the window and coughed a few times. "Still dark..." he murmured sadly. Looking down on himself, Shuichi noticed he was still wearing the same clothes as yesterday. Walking silently, he went to the bedroom and stripped of his clothes. Yuki was still sleeping. He changed as silently as he could, which meant that he tripped on a shoe and landed on the floor with a loud thud. Yuki stirred at the sound and sat up slowly. Shuichi was startled and he jumped up as he grabbed the shoe. "Sorry Yuki! Gotta go!" he yelled. Then he run from the house at top speed, slamming the door and not even giving Yuki a chance to react. Back at the apartment, Yuki looked at the time and plopped back on the bed. "damn brat" he whispered as he went back to sleep.

Shuichi got to work about two hours later, having stopped at a cafe for breakfast. "What did Yuki do this time?" asked Suguru as he looked at a tired Shuichi coming in. Shuichi fell on a chair carelessly as he ignored the question. Hiro, the guitarist of Bad Luck and Shuichi's best friend, grabbed Shuichi by the shoulders and shook him gently as he tried to get his attention. "Hey Shuichi!" he said. Shuichi looked up, and with a confused face he looked around. His bandmates were looking at him intently. Shuichi gave a goofy laugh. "Hi, you guys! When did you get here?" he said as he scratched the back of his head and laughed some more, for good measure.

At that moment, Shuichi was saved by the producer-man, Sakano, who entered the room followed by K-san, the gun-loving manager.

"Break is over! Time to record some hits!" K-san yelled out, noticing that nobody was moving, he took out his gun and added "Now!"

At this, Hiro grabbed Shuichi by the arms and dragged him to the microphone.

After many failed attempts of recording one song, everyone had noticed that Shuichi was a little out of it that day. "Ok, lets take a break." said a very frustrated Suguru. Hiro took the opportunity to grab Shuichi and yank him to the bathroom so they could talk in private. He was determined to get an answer out of his friend. "What's wrong with you today?" asked Hiro with a worried tone of voice. "Nothing!" Shuichi yelled out innocently as he gave a ditzy laugh. "You worry too much!" he added. "Hey, come on, I've known you your whole life Shuichi! You can't hide it from me! And apparently, from anyone else...even Suguru noticed..." he gave a dry laugh as he finished this. Shuichi didn't say anything. "Anyways..." said Hiro as he coughed nervously. "Tell me what Yuki did to you this time." he added. Shuichi looked up at Hiro, he hadn't expected that question. "How did you...?" asked Shuichi as he trailed off. Hiro just looked at his friend with an 'it is so obvious' expression. Shuichi sighed and he suddenly found the floor very interesting. "I'm sure it's nothing...I'm just an annoying brat...but...Yuki has been acting different..." Hiro look at him curiously. "different?" he asked. "what do you mean?" he added.

Before Shuichi could think of an answer, the door opened and a hyper-active Ryuichi entered. "Shuichiii!" he exclaimed happily. He jumped up to Shuichi with Kumagoro in one hand while he placed the other hand around Shuichi's slim waist, putting a little force in it, he brought Shuichi close to him and gave him a kiss on the cheek. Hiro, surprised by this action, limited himself to a shy 'hello' directed at the hyper-active singer. "Hey Hiroshi!" answered Ryuichi with a wave of Kumagoro. Then he turned back to Shuichi, whom had been to stunned to say anything. "What's wrong with Shuichi?" asked Kumagoro. Shuichi turned to Ryuichi and responded. "Nothing! I'm fine!" Ryuichi, being the experienced adult he was, studied Shuichi's expresion for a few seconds. "You're lying! It's obvious to Kumagoro! Shuichi is sad about something!" Hiro, who still wanted to know what was wrong, looked at the two singers in front of him and said "Just before you came in, Shuichi was about to tell me what's wrong with Yuki." Shuichi just stared at Hiro, feeling betrayed, while Ryuichi stared at Shuichi, then at Hiro, and then back at Shuichi. "Eiri Yuki? Is something wrong with Shuichi's lover?" he asked. Shuichi blushed at hearing his idol call Yuki his 'lover' but he answered quickly anyways. "No! Yuki's fine! Well, apart from being colder than an iceberg...but I'm sure it's nothing! Even if he has been meaner than usual to me...it's probably something stupid! So, no worries!" as he finished, he smiled widely and gave a little laugh.

Ryuichi, having his adult moment of the day finished, was convinced that everything was fine. "Great!" he yelled out happily. "Then, come on Shuichi! Ryuichi wants you to sing with him!" saying this, Ryuichi grabbed Shuichi's arm and run out of the bathroom, leaving Hiro to react a few seconds later and running to catch up with the lead singers.

Shuichi was now happier when he sang with Ryuichi and took his mind of off his problems. They were in the studio recording a duet, and word had gotten out around N.G. Productions about this once in a lifetime opportunity, many people had gathered outside the room to listen to the two boys singing in a God-like manner.

"Yes! I feel great right now!" Yelled out Shuichi as they finished. "Man! I feel so pumped up! Hey K-san, bring it on! I'm ready to record every song now!" Shuichi was jumping around, making poses and yelling "Bring it on!" Hiro semed relieved to see Shuichi back to normal, or at least what normal is for Shuichi. And he was not the only one who was relieved, Suguru was worried that this sudden change would be temporary, so he decided to take advantage of it to its fullest.

Chiyoku says: Well that's it for now, I hope you liked it! But you can tell me what you think of it by Reviewing! Please, it could really help, considering I'm a newbie. Regardless of whether how much you like it...I plan on finishing it...the difference is that if you do like it, I may do my best to update faster!

Read and Review people!


	2. To get hit by frost

Chiyoku says: Hey everyone! Thank you for reviewing! And thanks to everyone who read the first chapter! Even if you didn't review, I'm very happy you read it! I hope you will follow my story and maybe you'll feel it's worthy of reviewing? Like I said...I would love to know what you think of it! Any comment is welcome!

**rebelyell59-**You were the first to review! Thanks!

**Silverone-** I appreciate the advice and I'm sorry to anyone who found it confusing to read! I hope this chapter is better...

**Remmy Wolf-** I love Shuichi-Touma pairings, too! Touma's hot! sighs dreamily Touma will play another role in this one...sorry...but Ryuichi _may _have some involvement in the development...

**gdpsych-** thanks, too!

**Warning! **This chapter will be a sad one...Yuki allows his frustration to control his actions...and Shuichi was the only one around...

**When the cold takes its toll**

**A fanfiction by Chiyoku Shibata**

**Chapter 2: To get hit by frost...**

The apartment was quiet, just as it always was around this time of the day. Yuki sat in front of his laptop, once again fighting against his irritation as he tried to concentrate on the unfinished novel that seemed to mock him for his lack of inspiration. With a scowl on his face and his arms crossed across his chest, Yuki sat back in his chair and stared. A soft growl seemed to form at the back of his throat.

"A lone tear fell softly down her pale face as she realized her lover would be put to death, and it was all her fault." Yuki read the last sentence he had written, he read it aloud as his eyes passed over it again and again. "...her fault...and her pale face grew sadder with despair...sadder? That can't be a word...can it? sadder...It's not an 'Eiri Yuki' word...sadder...distress...maybe sorrow...no...fuck it all!" Yuki kept mumbling as he fed his own anger with the thought of not being able to write. But as his eyes passed over the time in his laptop, he noticed it was close to 6:15 in the evening. "Goodbye silence." Yuki whispered.

Moments later he heard the door opening and closing loudly. "I'm hooome! Yuukii!" yelled out Shuichi excitedly. Yuki heard the boy as the latter run to Yuki's office. Eiri knew what was coming as he quickly assumed his position of 'busy at work'; with his hands over the keyboard and his head down on the screen, Yuki didn't have to wait long for his door to burst open. "I knew you'd be here!" said Shuichi as he came in. Yuki brought his eyes up slowly to stare at the one he couldn't get enough of, his lover, the famously talented, voice of an angel, Shuichi Shindou. Of course, Yuki would not even dream of saying any of these things to the boy, just because he wasn't the type to say any mushy things or compliments aloud. Even the word 'mushy' gave him shivers of disgust. But he did stare at the boy, his eyes traveling up and down, taking it all in; but carefully, just enough so that Shuichi wouldn't notice The Eiri Yuki practically undressing the boy with his eyes.

Shuichi was wearing a pair of very tight, dark-blue jeans, a long-sleeved, large orange shirt with a short sleeved, white shirt on top of it. A large, dark-blue jacket that was falling of his shoulders. His hair was dark pink and messy. Shuichi's usual beaming smile was present and he was panting. Yuki noticed the streaks of sweat that were falling of the boy's face. Yuki mused that the boy probably run all the way to the apartment. But all-in-all, Shuichi looked fiercely sensual. And Yuki could feel himself getting aroused. But he had a part to play, and suddenly his unfinished novel slammed to the front of his thoughts once again and it brought with it intense anger and stress. Yuki looked back to his computer and stared at the letters on the screen. "I feel so fired up, Yuki!" Shuichi yelled out as he threw a punch in the air. Yuki felt a tinge of excitement for Shuichi's energetic happiness. "Yuki! You'll never guess what gigantamongously exciting things happened to me today!" Shuichi screamed and laughed in happiness as he jumped over to the back of Yuki. "Wanna know?" asked Shuichi. "No." answered Yuki with slight anger in his voice. "Come on, Yuki! Just guess! I know you wanna know! Come on, come on! Guess, Guess!" said Shuichi eagerly. He jumped up with uncontained excitement and wraped his arms around Yuki and leaned to kiss the writers cheek. "You're so cute, Yuki! I could eat you up!" he said giggling. Yuki growled and tightened his fists. "Don't be like that! Just take a guess! It's a really cool thing! I'm so happy! Just guess, Yuki! Yuukii!" Shuichi giggled again and gave the writer another sweet kiss on the cheek. "I'm busy, you damn brat!" growled out Yuki. It made Shuichi laugh even more, which further angered the writer. "Just guess! Guess! Guess! Yuki! Yuki! Yuki!" Shuichi started jumping up and down around the office. Yuki's fists were turning white and the writers eyes narrowed dangerously.

Just as Shuichi was coming around Yuki again, the latter sat up abruptly, bringing Shuichi to a sudden halt. Yuki turned his face slowly and looked down at Shuichi in irritation and anger. "I told you I'm busy, you stupid runt!" Yuki roared dangerously. Shuichi looked a bit stunned and paralyzed in his place. Yuki took the opportunity to grab Shuichi by the shoulders and he pushed the boy in resolute violence against the wall. Shuichi gave a low cry of pain, surprise was evident on his features. Yuki advanced on him and placed his right hand on one side of Shuichi, while with his left hand, he grabbed a handfull of Shuichi's hair and pulled the boy's head in an abandoned anger. "I'm busy! I need silence! Can't you understand that?" Yuki yelled out in a feral growl. "I need to concentrate! I can't stand your happiness! You have to learn to be quiet, you stupid boy! You should have learned by now that when I'm writting I need silence! You are such an ignorant child!" Yuki kept yelling and pulling at Shuichi's hair, while the latter silently cried in pain. Suddenly, Yuki grabbed Shuichi's arm with his right hand pulled him violently and threw him carelessly on the floor. The boy landed on his back with a loud cry of pain. Yuki advanced on him again and Shuichi started crying loudly as he tried to back away. Yuki stopped walking to observe the boy, and Shuichi took the opportunity to get on his hands and knees. "Please stop!" he cried out. Yuki growled and stepped on the boy's hands. Shuichi yelled in pain. Then Yuki grabbed Shuichi by the arms and pulled him up. He pushed him against the door. "Get out and keep quiet." he said in a calm voice. "Why!" cried out Shuichi as he looked at Yuki in the eyes. "Yuki! Why! I love you! Why! Why! Why!" Shuichi yelled in despair. He looked back down. "You're scaring me, love..." he whispered as the tears kept falling. His voice sounded heartbroken. And with that he run out of the office and out of the apartment, slamming all the doors on the way.

Moments passed, and Yuki stared at where Shuichi had been. He didn't understand what just happened. Yuki could not believe that he was the one who just took his rage against his angelic lover. "No. No! No...no...that...it wasn't me...no..." Yuki murmured to himself. Then he kept silent as he replayed those moments in his mind. His recent actions against Shuichi came back to hit him full force. "Shu-chan." he whispered. Yuki's eyes watered as he suddenly fell on his knees. But the writer refused to blink so the tears would not escape. Yuki remained motionless as more tears gathered. Finally, he couldn't take it anymore.The tears escaped and Eiri Yuki cried out in extreme anguish as he closed his eyes.

Chiyoku says: That's it for now! I almost cried when I got to the part of Shuichi yelling in despair...I'm sorry, Shuichi! I'm sorry, Yuki! I promise everything will work out eventually...one way or another...

**Next chapter:** Shuichi runs into Tatsuha as he is escaping from Yuki. Hiro gets a bad feeling. What will the young Uesugi do with the broken Shuichi?

Read and Review people!


	3. Trapped and frozen

Chiyoku says:Hey everyone! Thank you for reviewing! I hope you will like this new chapter...and you can tell me if you find anything wrong with it! Any critic is welcome for a young wannabe writer like me. I'm trying my best! But I will try even harder if it's still not enough...I'm always wanting to improve myself. I will never give up! lol

**rebelyell59-**Thank you for your kind words! .

**seguchismileofdeath-** I'm sorry! Whatever the actions of the characters, it is ultimately my fault! But please, don't let that stir you away! keep on reading! I won't let anyone suffer forever...u.u

**Remmy Wolf-** You're making me blush...thanks...but I don't know about amazing...I'm sure there's much room for improvement...and if you read my profile already...it says I'm 16...I'm a baby, I know. . And yes, I'm a boy and I write yaoi...is it really that shocking? I suppose it is...I haven't seen many boys in this web site...thank you so much about the 'you're the best' comment! But I could recommend the story 'Bloody Angels', a boy writes that one, too. It's a good one!

**Ryo-chan**- Thanks for your review! Hope to see you around here again! .

**Sansty-san-** keep reading then! Keep reviewing, too!

**Warning! **The poem/lyrics are originals which belong to me! Don't use them without permission! Also, this chapter will be quiet sad for Shuichi...but it can't be helped...that's how the story goes...

Enjoy!

**When the cold takes its toll**

**A fanfiction by Chiyoku Shibata**

**Chapter 3: Trapped and Frozen...**

_Bleak, missing and lost._

_Like a dried rose in the winter_

_I am buried under the snow,_

_Trying to work my way up._

_But it's hard and I'm weak,_

_the snow keeps piling up,_

_Burying me under,_

_Keeping me frozen..._

_When will my summer arrive?_

To say that Shuichi is heartbroken would be too light a description. He felt shocked and betrayed, no experience could ever come to compare itself with the way Shuichi felt at this moment. But most of all, he felt shot to pieces and thrown off balance; Shuichi could not come to understand why he had been treated so terribly. And the tears fell freely down his soft cheeks. Tainted with the pain that traveled through his body constantly, Shuichi was blindly making his way out this place he felt no longer welcomed him. His teeth closed tightly as he tried to ease the tears, but to no avail.

"why! why!" it seemed to be the only word that Shuichi could speak at the moment, and he kept repeating it over and over; it was like a mantra, as if the mere act of saying it enough times would eventually bring an answer. But no matter how many times he said it, thought it, and yelled it, it only brought more pain. And his eyes were closed now as he ran out of the building, fierce tears falling despite the effort to stop them.

Just as he was running out, Shuichi smashed into someone and they both fell to the floor on their bottoms. "watch where you're going, stupid!" said a young male voice. The voice seemed extremely familiar, and Shuichi rubbed his eyes to see who it was. "Tatsuha." he whispered. At hearing his name being said by the soft voice, Tatsuha looked up at the other boy. "Shuichi. What the hell happened to you?" he asked as concern filled his features. He stood up and held a hand out to the broken boy. Shuichi took it but winced in pain as Tatsuha hoisted him up. The younger boy noticed and worried. "You look like you're in pain. Did someone did this to you?". Shuichi hesitated at the question and he turned his face away. "Shuichi. What happened? Why were you running out of my bro's building?" he asked again. Tatsuha was getting more concerned for the older boy. And, then, Shuichi just closed his eyes as more tears kept falling. "Talk to me!" insisted Tatsuha. Shuichi could not answer and Tatsuha got frustrated. "If you won't talk to me, then we'll go up to my bro's and ask him." Tatsuha said as he made a move to grab Shuichi and pull him inside. But the latter panicked immediately. "No!" he cried out. Tatsuha's eyes widened and he looked at the desperate boy in surprise. "This...has something to do with Eiri." he stated. Shuichi cringed and looked away. "It does." whispered Tatsuha. "wha...what did he do?" he asked, but he feared he knew the answer. "Leave me alone!" yelled Shuichi in a panic as he pulled away brutally from Tatsuha; he made an attempt to run away from there, but Tatsuha was faster than him as he reacted and jumped to embrase Shuichi from behind, and with much strength so as to prevent the other boy from getting away. Shuichi released a painful cry of misery, agony, and desperation as he thrashed around to get away. It was an afflictive sight to witness.

But, Tatsuha never let go and, eventually, Shuichi calmed enough for the younger boy to release him. Shuichi let himself fall carelessly on the floor as all his strength left him and he continued to cry. Tatsuha was at a lose for words, because he had never witnessed the boy this way. And it was heartwrenching to see the usually perky and sweet boy in such a state of devastation.

Moments later, Shuichi fell silent and his body dropped completely on the floor. "Shuichi!" Tatsuha cried out. But it was too late, Shuichi could no longer hear him, for such a devastating feeling it was that the boy had felt, his body could no longer take it. He had passed out.

_I want to be trapped_

_in a dark room_

_and drown in my depression,_

_in the fact that I'll always be different,_

_ugly and distant._

_Imagining myself_

_as a cold statue,_

_emotionless, ignored _

_and slowly dying._

In the meantime, on another part of the city, you could still hear a guitar playing in an empty studio. "Hiro?" asked a familiar voice. "Suguru! Hey, what are you still doing here?" asked Hiroshi as he stopped playing. The smaller boy looked at him with a raised eyebrow in a show of sarcastic bewilderment. "I could ask you the same thing!" he replied. Hiro smirked. "I asked you first. Besides, isn't it obvious? I'm playing my guitar." Suguru walked over to a table and grabbed some papers. Holding them up for Hiro to see, he responded. "I forgot my notes." Then he turned and started walking towards the door. "Wait, wanna stay and play for a bit?" asked Hiro as he stopped the other boy. Suguru turned around and hesitated as he glanced over to the clock set up on the wall. "Sure...why not..." he answered eventually.

About ten minutes later, the boys were interrupted by a janitor. "Sorry to interrupt, boys. We're closing up for the night...you're gonna hafta leave." Both boys reacted a few seconds after. "oh..." voiced Hiro. "Thank you. We are aware of the schedule and we'll be leaving soon." answered Suguru in a business voice that eerily resembled Tohma Seguchi's. The janitor stared at Suguru for a few seconds, as if deep in thought. The other stared back with an 'I mean business' expression, which made him look even more like his older cousin. The janitor looked troubled and turned to leave in a fast pace.

"what's up with him." said Hiro as he stared at where the janitor had been. Suguru looked innocently at him with a friendly Seguchi-like smile. "who knows." he responded. "well, let's go then." he added as he walked away with a quick and sure step. "Hey! wait up!" exclaimed Hiro as he grabbed his things and hurried after the younger boy.

They walked in a tranquil step, side by side, towards the elevator. "We ended with a good recording session today, didn't we." commented Hiro as he made conversation. "Yes, and I believe we should thank Mr. Sakuma for reviving Shuichi's spirits. He was helpful, even if it was unintentional." responded Suguru. Hiro looked down as he kept walking. "yeah..." he whispered. "what's wrong, Hiro?" asked Suguru, finally letting go of the business voice for a moment. Hiro looked up for a second, he looked at Suguru in the eyes and then gazed back down. The troubled look that his eyes reflected was clear for Suguru's trained eyes. He refrained from asking any more; he pressed the button for the elevator and waited until Hiroshi was ready to answer. Moments later, Hiro finally responded. "I'm worried. I have this bad feeling about Shuichi's well being." They stepped into the elevator, with Suguru pressing the button for the lobby, as he asked. "Why do you feel this?" Hiro looked at the boy for a few seconds. "After all this time we've known each other, I've kind of developed a 'Shuichi Sense'. Today he was bothered by something. He never got to tell me what it was, but it had something to do with Mr. Yuki." Suguru looked at him with a smirk. "A 'Shuichi Sense'? Well, whatever it is. Mr. Yuki always manages to pull down Shuichi's spirit." They got out of the elevator and started to walk towards the main door. "yeah...and I just know that Shuichi will be crying soon..." Suguru looked at Hiro again as they kept walking. As they walked out, Suguru responded. "I hope you're wrong." Hiro looked at the boy and then he gazed up at the dark, night sky. "I hope so, too." he whispered. Soon they parted ways. Both boys with Shuichi in their mind and a very troubling sensation that would not leave them.

_Such a strange feeling this is,_

_I cannot help but wonder,_

_where are you tonight?_

_how are you tonight?_

_and my hearts calls out to you,_

_Such a dark feeling,_

_and I cannot help it,_

_I whisper your name_

_and I think of you._

_Such a strange feeling,_

_a bad omen,_

_the wind brings it to me_

_and what sounds like a whisper of danger,_

_oddly enough,_

_also sounds like your name._

Chiyoku says: That's it for now! I hope you liked it! This chapter actually came out somewhat different than how I pictured it...but I hope that's a good thing. Originally I didn't have Shuichi passing out...and the conversation with Tatsuha had gone different...now it's more dramatic! I do believe it came out better! And the poems I added were a kind of last minute addition...but you know how it goes, inspiration struck and I couldn't help but add them!

**Next Chapter: **Touma Seguchi receives a phone call late in the night, who could it be? And what's Tatsuha gonna do with Shuichi?

Read and Review People!


	4. Lost in lust

Chiyoku says: Hello everyone! Thanks for reading my story! I hope you're liking it this far! Well, if you got even got to this chapter should mean you like it, right? Unless you're reading it out of pity or something . Anyways, thanks for all your reviews! I'm so happy! You guys inspire me to try to work my hardest! Thank you! And keep reviewing!

On another note, I bought a Gravitation c.d. rencently! I'm so happy and sad at the same time, 'cuz I bought it on ebay and haven't received it yet. It's one of those that have all songs with lyrics! Those are my favorites! "Shinning Collection" is my favorite! And "Sleepless Beauty" comes next! I love you Sakuma-sama!

**rebelyell59- **You're welcome! And thank you for your praise! about the poems...I wrote them because of the story, I got inspired by the story I was writing, so I'm guessing they should have been about the story, right? Thanks again! and keep reviewing!

**Classy Raven- **Thanks for reviewing! And you'll see what he does to Shuichi on this chapter...(although you might not like him afterwards) Poor Yuki was just suffering from stress due to writer's block, cut him some slack! He'll get better eventually. I promise! So keep reading!

**KawaiiEarBiter- **You'll have to read to know what happens. But I can promise that everyone will end happy, one way or another...Although I haven't decided on the coupling yet. It's not a sure thing...

**HieiJaganshi11-** Oh boy, if you almost cried last chapter...wait 'till you read what happens to Shuichi on this one! ;;

**Ashcat-** Thank you! I'm trying my best and I know I will get better at writing fics when I get the hang of it! About the fight with Yuki...well, it was the first time I wrote a fight scene...that might have had something to do with it coming out kinda confusing...I do know I did a better job with the Tatsuha part! Thanks! The original fight scene and the one with Tatsuha were different...They came out better when I wrote it here. ;; I suppose you can imagine how the originals were...My motivation when I wrote the Yuki thing was that I was trying to show how stressed out he was, when I wrote it, I tried to make it as if Shuichi's eternal babbling was just infernal for him, because he was already very angry with the fact that he was unable to write his novel. So, like the saying goes, Shuichi was the drop that spilled the glass (...or something...;) Thanks so much for your criticism! I need more experienced reviewers like you! I need to better myself...I'll never give up!

**Note:** Just so you guys know, a reminder, I haven't completely decided on the pairings yet! So give me your thoughts! I have my own ideas on the matter, but there's just so many possibilites to go with this!

**Warning:** If you have a good eye for it, you'll notice the Mika-bashing! ; Also, there's a scene with Tatsuha getting...a bit...out of control with Shuichi. It's not explicit and it's very light! You should know I'm not very fond of angst, especially with characters I love. But I don't hate it or anything! In fact...I might need a dramatic scene in the near future, especially after this chapter!

Well...On with the story!

**When the cold takes its toll**

**A fanfiction by Chiyoku Shibata**

**Chapter 4: Lost in lust...**

Everything is silent, dark and tranquil in the Seguchi Residence. The two people who reside here are currently sleeping, as any normal being would do. There is a lone noise that disrupts the peace at intervals, it is Mika Seguchi loudly snoring. She is laying on her side, slightly drooling on her pillow, with her legs parted widely as she takes up most of the bed. And laying on his back, neatly by the other end of the bed, is Touma Seguchi. His relaxed form is partly uncovered as he breathes very softly. Headphones are seen covering his ears, probably used to cover up Mika's snoring. This night would have seemed like any other, with Mika thrashing about the bed, taking up all the covers while Touma ignored her poignantly as he relaxed with his Greatest Classics of Mozart, Chopin, Tchaikovsky, and others.

But they would have never imagined what happened next. The phone started to ring and a drooling, half asleep, Mika gently shook Touma and said, "Honey, it's your turn to answer." Seguchi protested silently as he sat up, took off his headphones, and cleaned off the drool that dripped on his cheek from Mika. Finally, he answered the phone, "Hello?" he whispered, but when silence met him from the other end, Touma cleared his throat and asked again, "Hello?" Finally he heard a loud gasp as someone started crying. Touma was bewildered as he instantly recognized who it was. Now, Touma was wide awake and his senses sharp. "Eiri? What's wrong?" he asked worriedly. Mika heard her husband say her brother's name and she sat up to listen carefully at what was said. As each moment passed, Touma was looking more and more alarmed, and it only served to get Mika in a panic. "What's wrong? What's happening! Touma! Touma! Tell me what's wrong!" implored Mika, loudly, as she couldn't keep herself quiet no longer. Seguchi dismissed her with a wave as he continued to listen to Eiri, who was almost yowling in despair. "Eiri, stay there! Do not do anything! I'll be there a.s.a.p.!" he said in a comanding tone. Touma knew if he was going to be of any help to Eiri, he needed to keep calm and collected, it would do no help to panic. Moments later he put the phone down where it belonged and jumped out of bed. "Wha...Touma! Fill me in already! What happened to my brother!" demanded Mika in a panic. Touma sighed irritated as he took off his pajamas and turned to his wife. "Relax, Mika. No need to panic. Eiri sounded drunk, so don't worry. He just needed a ride." Touma spewed off a lie to his wife and continued to ignore her as he got dressed as fast as he could. Mika, in the background, was still complaining for the truth. Before he left, Touma turned to look at his wife in the eyes, and very calmly he said, "Would I lie to you?" Mika remained quiet and avoided her husband's eyes. She could barely look him in the eyes anymore, because every time she did, Mika felt very intimidated. "Go back to sleep, Mika." Touma added moments later.

After saying a quick goodbye, Touma left in a hurried step to Eiri's apartment. He was going to find out exactly what had happened and he was going to fix it. Eiri didn't cry this easily. The last time Touma saw Eiri crying had been some years ago in that fateful night in New York, and he swore that night that nothing else would make Eiri cry as long as he was around. Now it was time to prove his word. His Eiri Uesugi would never cry in despair again.

On another part of the city, Tatsuha Uesugi was gently setting down on the sofa the sleeping body of Shuichi Shindou. After the singer had passed out, Tatsuha had decided against going up to his brother's apartment, and the hospital would not be necessary. On the other hand, he could not put the passed out singer on his motorcycle. In the end, he called on a taxi and, putting Shuichi in it, he had the driver follow behind his motorcycle. Tatsuha had decided to take Shuichi to an extra apartment that belong to Touma Seguchi.

The apartment itself is on a tower. It's the 18th floor and furnished with expensive taste. Touma Seguchi had bought it a couple of months ago and kept it for when he needed to be alone. Not many people knew of this apartment he had. Eiri knew about it, therefore Tatsuha knew about it. But Mika had gotten very angry when she found out from Tatsuha. In the end, no one was sure whether Touma had wanted for Mika to find out or not, but no one dared to ask, not even Mika herself.

Going back to our current situation, Tatsuha was sitting on a chair close by the sofa and he observed Shuichi as he slept. "This is wrong." thought Tatsuha. "Shuichi was in hysterics! There has to be a reason...but, could it have been my bro'? I know he's a bit cold, but he would never hurt a guy as gorgeous, cute, and talented as Shuichi. He's so cute! But he looks so troubled right now, even as he sleeps. And he's my bro's lover! Eiri would never hurt someone he accepted as 'lover', would he? No way...he wouldn't! I know him! I know he's hard to get along with sometimes, but he'd never hurt someone as innocent as Shuichi. There has to be a reasonable answer for all of this...I should call bro' and ask him...maybe...and when is Shuichi-kun waking up? Maybe I should try to wake him... but if he didn't wake up 'till now...I doubt he'll hear me...oh! speak of the devil!" Tatsuha was interrupted of his musings by Shuichi, whom was finally waking up.

Shuichi slowly blinked the blurriness away as he looked around. He remained motionless. Then he saw a form hovering above him, and it looked awefully familiar. Shuichi panicked and covered his face with his arms as he started to cry. "Please, Yuki..." Shuichi whispered, "don't hit me again. I'm sorry!" he pleaded. "Shuichi. It's Tatsuha." the other boy whispered. He was astonished at what he'd heard from the other one. "...don't hit me..." it kept replaying in Tatsuha's mind. He knelt by the crying boy. "Shuichi, stop crying. My bro's not here. You're safe." he whispered; Tatsuha started to gently rub Shuichi's arms then he grabbed them and moved them from the boy's face. Shuichi sniffed and slowly sat up. With the tears staining his beautiful face, Shuichi looked around curiously. His eyes were wide and glittering from the tears when he looked at Tatsuha in the eyes. The latter blushed and his heartbeat quickened. "where are we?" asked Shuichi. Tatsuha took a few moments to register the question. Then he jumped up abruptly and rubbed the back of his head as his laughed a bit, from the embarassment. Then, he cleared his throat, "We're at one of Seguchi's apartments. And don't worry, it's just us." he answered.

Tatsuha then left without a word and came back seconds later with two bottles of mineral water. He threw one to the sofa and Shuichi grabbed it slowly. Tatsuha took a gulp of his and went to sit next to Shuichi. Minutes of uncomfortable silence passed as both boys drank nervously from their respective bottles of water. Finally, Tatsuha decided to get to the point. "Shuichi..." he started in a whisper. "...you have to tell me what happened." Shuichi stiffened and gulped more water. Another minute passed and Shuichi didn't answer. "Shuichi, it's not like you to be quiet like this. You'll have to tell me what happened. Even more so if it had something to do with my bro'. I would like to know so I can help. Besides, the sooner you tell me the better, and you'll feel relieved afterwards. It's not good to keep things bottled up like this. Besides, your silence it's making me very uncomfortable..." Tatsuha finished talking and turned his head to Shuichi. The boy was cluching his water and looking at the floor. A few seconds passed. Tatsuha was about to repeat himself but Shuichi seemed like he was going to talk, so the other kept quiet. "I'm not sure...I...don't know what...what happened back there." he finally spoke. His voice sounded hoarse. He coughed and drank more water. "what do you mean?" asked Tatsuha. "I mean... I honestly don't know what I did to deserve this...I got there from work at around the same time I always do...went to Yuki's...to his office and he was writing, like always...I was trying to get him to guess why I was happy. Suddenly he just lost it...throwing me against the wall and on the floor..." Shuichi stopped talking as he looked down and tears started falling again. Tatsuha got closer and hugged him gently. Shuichi turned to Tatsuha and returned the hug as he dropped the bottle and cluched to Tatsuha's shirt. "What did I do wrong this time!" Shuichi cried out. A tear escaped from Tatsuha's eyes as the boy pulled away. He looked at the crying boy in the eyes, Shuichi looked back; and he looked even more heavenly when he cried. Tatsuha gently wiped the tears from Shuichi's face. Another tear escaped Tatsuha. "...He doesn't deserve you..." Tatsuha whispered. Then he grabbed Shuichi's head and slowly pulled in for a kiss. He was looking at Shuichi in the eyes as their lips met. Shuichi stiffened and his eyes widened in surprise. Tatsuha closed his eyes and hugged Shuichi closer to him. The other relaxed but his eyes were still open in surprise. Tatsuha then deepened the kiss and Shuichi moaned in amazement.

Shuichi could not believe that Tatsuha was kissing him. Eventually, Tatsuha noticed that Shuichi wasn't returning the kiss and he pulled away. They looked at each other in the eyes. Shuichi still unable to respond, and Tatsuha licking his lips as he relished in the taste of the other. "You deserve to be properly loved, Shuichi." Tatsuha whispered. Caressing the boy's neck, he added. "You need to be shown what being loved really is...I can show you. I can love you like you've never been loved before." Tatsuha finished this and Shuichi just continued to look him in the eyes. "If you let me, I can show you what's it like to make love. Not just a meaningless intimate act, but real love. Done from the heart, from my heart. I want you so much, Shuichi." Tatsuha finished and went in for another kiss. Surprisingly, Shuichi responded this time. And it was a slow and gentle kiss full of concern. Tears fell from Shuichi's eyes again as Tatsuha pushed him down on the sofa without breaking the kiss. Tatsuha couldn't stand the gentleness any longer. It was going too slow. He deepened the kiss with passion as he started to take off Shuichi's shirt.

But then, Shuichi pulled him away slowly. Tatsuha looked down at the disheveled boy and smiled. Shuichi gasped. The boy had remember Yuki. In that first night they had together. Yuki had been on top of him like this, and smiling gently and lovingly at him. It was so beautiful that he had blushed. Yuki had been so careful with him, as if he was a priceless treasure. And it was then that Shuichi realized the truth; what had been there all along, but he had been to ditzy to see it. Those looks that Yuki gave him sometimes, they were full of love and passion. Yuki loved him, he really did. "I'm so stupid!" Thought Shuichi, "how the hell did it take me so long to realize this! I...I have to go back! I have to..." Shuichi was interrupted from his moment of light by a demanding kiss. Tatsuha was kissing him again, but this time Shuichi could taste the lust behind it. He moaned in protest and he felt a hand rubbing his nipples. He tried to push Tatsuha away but the other was very demanding and just kissed him harder. "...sstop.." mumbled Shuichi into the kiss. Tatsuha started to kiss and bite Shuichi's neck. And Shuichi used this opportunity to voice his objection. "I don't want this, Tatsuha! Stop!" he said. "No. I have to show you what true love is." mumbled Tatsuha, lost in lust. Shuichi gasped, again, as he felt a hand entering his pants. "Stop! Tatsuha! please!" Shuichi cried out. But it was useless. Tatsuha continued to strip him, touch him and kiss him not matter how many times Shuichi protested. And the only excuse that Tatsuha gave him was that Shuichi needed to know real love. Shuichi cried and moaned at the same time as Tatsuha continued to 'make love' to him. "Tatsuha, why won't you stop..." he mumbled beathlessly. "I want you so much." was the answer. And so it was that Shuichi gave up protesting and allowed himself to get taken as he continued to cry silently.

Chiyoku says: That's it for now! I honestly surprised myself for the turn this chapter took! I'm sorry Shuichi! And I'm sorry to all Tatsuha-lovers! I promise he'll reedem himself and I won't make him a jerk! 'cuz I like Tatsuha, too! He's a cool guy! And like I said before...Shuichi's suffering is necessary for the story...but take note on the fact that it's not all extreme angst! I'm not fond of extreme angst, it's very hard to read. (it's kinda hard to write, too. Unless you're in the right mood, of course...)

Read and Review People!


	5. The morning after

Chiyoku says: Thanks for reading my story! And double thanks to everyone who's reviewing it! I love you all! Another thing, to answer many of your quetions...no! This story is not gonna have anyone attempting suicide! I'm not really in the right mood to write something like that...Another thing, I'm really uncertain about the way this chapter came out...the way the writing came out, I'm not sure it reads well...but I'll let you decide that for yourself...I just hope it's not too crappy...I would hate myself for disappointing you... ;-; But like I've said before, it only means I'll have to work extra hard in the next chapter! I'll never give up!

**rebelyell59- **I would answer your question about Tatsuha, but then I'd be giving away what'll happen. I just hope you're not too disappointed with my writing in this chapter...I know I am...

**ccsbrat- **Thanks for your review!

**Ashcat- **Thank you for your constantly long and helping reviews! Yay! I love you! Now, I won't turn this fic into any of that stuff, so don't worry! And about the Mika thing...well, I guess I am just a child after all I suppose it couldn't be helped that it would slip thru somewhere in here...it was just a matter of time, and I can promise you it probably won't be the last time, either! I'll just try not to be too much of a ditz...(which according to my brother is impossible...he's laughing his head off right now at the thought of my futile attempts to appear 'mature' )

**DeMoN4EvA- **Thanks for reviewing! And Tatsuha may have sounded a bit weird...but I know that he could be like that if he really wanted to. (especially if he was inspired by lust and trying to convice someone to sleep with him)

**Heroin Girl- **I tried to fix the problem of the large paragraphs for this chapter, I hope I did it right. And about your offer, thanks! I appreciate your interest and I'll think about it!

**Ryuichi Koi-chan- **How about with a yummy Ryu-chan on top! -.- Sorry it took so long to update...I wrote this chapter over a period of about three days...I think that may have something to do with how crappy it came out...

**tohma4me- **you're doubly right! if he can't have Ryu himself, he's gonna have to make do with the next best thing, right? But no one is going to be suicidal or end up in a comma.

Now on with the story!

**When the cold takes its toll**

**A fanfiction by Chiyoku Shibata**

**Chapter 5: The morning after...(part 1)**

The apartment was silent, and it felt deafening. Eiri Yuki was sitting on the sofa, his eyes were glazed over, lost in thought. Three loud knocks interrupted the silence and Yuki slowly got up and shuffled his feet towards the door. As he opened it, he discovered a very tired-looking Tohma Seguchi. The man looked as if he had dressed in a hurry. "Hello, Eiri." he said in a gentle and calm voice. Yuki moved to the side, allowing Touma to walk inside. Then, he closed the door and turned to look at Tohma whom was inspectioning Yuki's apearance closely. The writer looked annoyed and started to walk towards the sofa, he walked around Touma and did his best to ignore the man.

"Why the hell did I call you?" grumbled Yuki as he fell back on the sofa. "Instinct." responded Touma. "Instinct?" asked Yuki incredulously. He looked away and ruffled his hair. "Talk to me, Eiri." said Touma as he sat next to Yuki. The latter remained quiet and looking away. Touma sighed.

"You know you want to. You need me, Eiri. Otherwise you would not have called me the way you did." Yuki stiffened at the words. And the other man sat closer to Yuki, putting a hand on the writers shoulder. Yuki immediately relaxed and leaned back on the sofa, closing his eyes.

"Why do I feel so vulnerable around you?" thought Yuki. "It's like you can see right through me, Touma." he added in his mind. Then he opened his eyes and glared darkly at the other. Yuki would never admit it to himself, but he felt glad that Tohma knew him so well.

The next action was something that took both men by surprise. Yuki grabbed Tohma's hands with his own and then, in a swift movement, he brought Touma against himself and hugged him tightly. Seguchi was a little shocked and without being able to react, but a few seconds after, he brought his hands around the blond writer and started caressing Yuki's hair while an adoring smile decorated his face.

Seguchi's eyes revealed a hidden longing for the beautiful blond writer's body as he deepened the hug with passion and caressed Eiri's back lovingly. The ex-Grasper wanted to stay like this forever but he knew that Eiri needed to talk.

Yuki felt Seguchi releasing him and somehow this made him sad, the warmth that emanated from Tohma had felt good and, suddenly, after feeling Seguchi's body against his, Yuki was desiring for more.

"What the hell am I thinking! I do not want Seguchi!" yelled Yuki in his mind as he tried to reassure himself. "all of this is probably because of what happened with Shuichi...what I...did..." he interrupted his thoughts as he looked at Touma's eyes. "Seguchi, I don't feel good with myself." he said, finally. "Tell me what happened." said Touma. " I hurt my Shuichi." answered Yuki, and sadness was dripping from his voice.

"what do you mean, Eiri? What did you do?" asked Touma slowly. "I've been doing some deep thinking today...after Shuichi ran out...and I realized how much of a bastard I've been to him lately...Shuichi...he was so hurt...that look in his eyes, he was...heartbroken...and he should have been...it was the most likely reaction after what I did to him..." Touma remained quiet as he allowed Eiri some time to calm himself and gather the courage to talk. Touma only encouraged the writer by grabbing his hands gently. "...He was his usual over-excited self when he came home...and he wanted to tell me all about the excitements of his day...but I was very irritated, I can't seem to be able to write...for a few weeks now...the deadline's approaching...I was really angry at myself...and Shuichi was jumping and yelling...the next thing I know I feel myself getting up from my chair and insulting Shuichi...I hit him, too...I couldn't stop myself...I knew I was making a mistake...but all the anger I felt just escaped me and I couldn't stop insulting and hitting him...he ran away heartbroken..." Yuki stopped talking and Touma knew he was finished, there was no need to explain what happened next, Touma knew already. He felt concerned for Shindou, but it was no match for the concern he had for Eiri. "I'm sure Shindou's fine. He must have gone to Nakano's house. You once told me that every time you would kick him out, he would go there, right? so that's where he probably is right now. You should worry about yourself." said Touma.

"Isn't that your job, Touma? To take care of me..." whispered Yuki as he let his head fall gently on Touma's shoulders. "I need you...please..." he added almost too quietly for anyone to hear, but Touma had heard him because Yuki had spoken next to his ear. He shivered involuntarily as Yuki's breath tickled his neck.

"Of course, Eiri. I'll always take care of you." whispered Touma as he put his arms around the writer in a loving embrace. He inched closer to Eiri and they both remained silent for a while. Until it was interrupted by a soft, even breathing. Eiri Yuki had fallen asleep. Touma gently grabbed Eiri with a strength no one imagined he had. He made Eiri walk, still asleep, to the bedroom and he laid him down. Eiri never woke up. But Touma already knew this. It was a result from the time they had lived together in New York. Eiri had always wanted to do everything with Touma and he would often fall asleep in weird places. Touma would smile fondly and make Eiri sleep-walk to the bedroom they shared. He had always found this extremely cute, and weird at the same time. Eiri never once woke up.

Touma undressed Eiri gently and slowly as the usual loving and overprotective feeling enveloped him. But Eiri's features looked troubled, even in his sleep, and no doubt it was from the dreams he must have been having about what he did to Shuichi, his lover. Touma sighed sadly as he covered Eiri tightly with the blankets and went on undressing himself to lay down and sleep next to the troubled writer. Touma had no intention of leaving Eiri's side, at least for the night.

The next morning, Yuki slowly fluttered his eyes opened and stared at the ceiling. Unnoticed to him went the figure that had quietly left the bedroom. Eiri was trying to figure out how he got to the bed as the events of the night before came flooding back. The last thing he could remember was telling Touma how much he needed him.

"What happened afterwards?"he thought. But as much as he tried, his mind was a blank.

When Yuki finally decided to get up, he noticed something heavy laying on his chest. "Shu...?" he whispered, but then he saw Touma's head.

"Why is Seguchi sleeping on my bed? and in my chest...what the hell happened yesterday!" he thought. He felt confused and a bit scared, mainly because he could not remember what had happened. But then he felt Seguchi moving a little, getting his head up slightly, and coming face to face with Eiri. "He's smiling..." thought Yuki. "Why is he smiling at me like that..."

"Good morning, Eiri-honey." said Seguchi with a sleepy smile. Yuki frowned. "...honey? What the...! Get off of me!" reacted Yuki, rudely, as he pushed Seguchi to the side and abruptly jumped from the bed. Suddenly he felt lightheaded and fell back on the bed. "You shouldn't get up so suddenly after you've been sleeping from a such a straining activity." suggested Touma as he sat up. "Why don't you lay back down, Eiri. I'll make breakfast."

Eiri turned to look at Touma while the latter got up and started to walk towards the door. "What the hell are you doing here!" asked Yuki, confused and angry. At hearing this, Touma turned around, facing Eiri, and he asked innocently "Why, don't you remember what happened, Eiri?" Yuki frowned and looked at Touma's apparel, which consisted of a pair of black boxers. "Those look like the ones Mika gave me for my birthday." he thought. "What the hell are you doing wearing my boxers!" he exclaimed as he pointed at Touma's boxers. The latter looked down at himself and then looked back up at Eiri. He smile innocently. "what ever are you talking about, Eiri." he said camly. Then he turned around and walked back out.

Eiri was left in the room, sitting on the bed, pondering about what had just happened. "Why can't I remember everything! Damn..." Yuki muttered and sighed irritated. Thinking back to everything that happened in one day, Yuki gave himself a migraine. Trying to come up with a complex solution to his current problems, he ignored the most simple answer to his 'memory problem', he couldn't remember anything because nothing had happened. But that was Yuki, always being complex and bending his will to complicated answers. That's why he needed Shuichi, because the cute singer was the one who always came up with the simple solutions. Shuichi was the laid-back half of their relationship, without Shuichi, Yuki was giving himself a strong headache. "If only Shuichi was around...he would yell out my name...jump to my side...laughing loudly...and he would give me one of those sweet kisses of his..." Yuki smiled sadly and fondly at the memories. "My pink-haired idiot."

As a grumbling was heard, Yuki clutched his stomach as he felt the sudden hunger that attacked him. Groaning in complaint, he got up from the bed and shuffled to the living room. Only when he got there did he notice that he was in his boxers, too. "Just like Seguchi." he muttered. "wait a fucking second!" he growled out. He practically ran to the kitchen and stopped at the door. Touma was standing there, whistling a Grasper song and flipping pancakes. "Why don't you sit down, Eiri. Breakfast will be done shortly." said Touma, never looking up from the pancakes. Yuki growled. "Forget the fucking breakfast!" he yelled out. "Tell me now, what the hell happened yesterday? Why can't I remember everything? And Why the hell are we in our underwear! The one you're wearing looks mine!" Yuki finished yelling as he stood there, tense, his fists turning white.

Touma noticed the angry and confused look on Eiri's face. Realizing he could have fun with this, Touma decided to play the innocent."What's the last thing you remember, Eiri?" he asked with the sweetest voice he could muster, which in him sounded pretty creepy actually...Eiri blushed sightly as his last memory came flooding back. "I need you.." repeated his own voice in his mind. Eiri looked down at the floor, his messy flocks of hair covering his eyes. Touma smirked inwardly. "Eiri?" he asked sweetly. "I was leaning on your shoulder...telling you how much I needed you..." he answered, it was barely a whisper but Touma heard it. He turned his attention back to the pancakes and went on to whistling and cooking. "I could tell him the truth." thought Touma. "Or I could have some fun with my sweet Eiri." he grinned in amusement as a plan was already brewing in his mind. A minute later, just as Yuki was about to protest, Touma finally decided to help Eiri out by refreshing his memories.

"I'm hurt Eiri. That you don't remember what we did yesterday, when I had enjoyed myself immensely." Yuki felt about to burst from the tension he felt. "Tell me now." he said in a mad whisper. "what the hell did we do." he finished. Touma finished a stack of pancakes and slowly turned around. His eyes narrowed and his face contorted in anger and hurt, Eiri felt slightly nervous. It lasted but a second, and Touma appeared normal once again. Calmly he walked towards Eiri. The latter did not know what to do, he stood there and stared at Touma in the eyes.

"No, I won't tell you a thing. I think I'll let you figure out the truth for yourself." Touma said. Walking around Eiri, Touma left the kitchen ad went to the bedroom to dress himself. Moments later, just as he was about to leave the bedroom, he spotted something that made him stop. "There..." he whispered, an evil smile spreading on his face. There it was, innocently sitting on the bedside table and Touma was attracted to it as if by gravitation. He took it gently in his hands and caressed it as he made his way to the bathroom. It was a small bottle, it was full, but Touma poured about half of it down the drain, making sure there was no clue as to what he had done. He made his way back to the bedroom and placed the bottle carelessly on the bed, making sure it was visible. And Touma had to pinch himself to hide the amused laugh that was threatening to escape as he made his way back to the living room.

Eiri was still in the kitchen when Touma saw him. Too shocked to eat or even move. He was still trying to make sense of the mess he got himelf into, somehow. "Please eat the pancakes while they're hot." said Touma. And Yuki finally reacted, he turned around abruptly to face him. "Yesterday was a very special moment for me, Eiri. It hurts me that you would think so little of it to the point of forgeting all about it. I was sure it had been a special something that we shared. I do wish you'll remember soon...for both our sake." Touma finished his little speech, sporting a glint of hurt in his eyes. He made his way to the door, but right before he left he said "I had fun last night." Then he was gone as suddenly as he had come.

Eiri finally decided to stop thinking about everything, for at least a few moments as he ate the pancakes. He moaned at the sweet taste that invaded his mouth and his senses. Who would ever think that Touma Seguchi was such a good cook. The taste of his meals were always enchanting, especially for Eiri. And it always brought back the memories of New York, not the bad memories, but the thoughts of his life with Touma and all the beautiful moments they'd shared. Suddenly, Yuki felt special under Touma's eyes. Because the man had always tried to help him and be there for him no matter what. Even if Yuki always showed displeasure at Touma's sudden apparitions in his life, inwardly he had always felt himself succumbing under the man's actions.

As he finished the breakfast, he felt a renowed sense of strength and he made his way to the bedroom to get dressed. He was going to go look for his Shuichi. But the, something made him stop. As he gazed at the bed, all of the memories, the fears and confusion made their way back to Yuki's mind. Once again he felt ready to fall. And just because of something so small and innocent looking. "No way!" he yelled suddenly as he clutched his head with his hands. He circled the bed in fear as he stared at a small bottle laying in the middle of his messy bed. "it's half empty..." he whispered. "No way...how did it get like that! There's no way..." But then Touma's words came back to his mind. "I had fun last night." And Yuki slowly reached for the small bottle, clutching it in his hands he inspected it fearfully. "Is this what he meant by fun?" he whispered as he gazed at the bottle. "but I would remember...if we had done something like this...I would remember...would I?"

And Yuki continued to inspect the small bottle. As fear invaded his senses and the possibilities ran in his mind. Because there weren't many things you could do with a bottle like this, there weren't many possibilities of what could have happened. And, so Yuki fell on his knees as he yelled once again. But it was understandable, after all, how many things could have happened on a bedroom the night before when you encountered a half-empty bottle of lubricant?

Chiyoku says: That's it for now...so the truth, how bad was that? And how evil was it for Touma to leave that lubricant and confuse Eiri? I love him that way! Now, before anyone asks, the thing with Yuki and his memory...I think it's understandable something like this could happen to him, considering what had happened the day before...it would certainly take a toll on him. And Touma has his reasons for doing this to Eiri, besides having fun, you could call it another 'test' to see how strong his feelings for Shuichi are.

**Next Chapter:** What happened with Shuichi and Tatsuha? and What happens the next morning? Will Shuichi finally snap? All of this to come! So keep reading!

Read And Review Please!


	6. Part 2 of The morning after

Chiyoku says: I'm sorry! So sorry for taking so long! It could not be helped, I didn't do it purposefully! Really! But, at long last! Here is chapter 6!

I am so thankful to everyone for your reviews! You can believe the happiness that ran thru me when I opened my e-mail and saw so many reviews! Thank you! You guys are what keep me going. (so sappy, yet so true.) This chapter took me a good couple of days to write... but by the ending paragraphs, the words just flowed... I'm happy with the way it came out, I just hope you guys like it, too!

**KawaiiEarBiter- sansty-san- rebellrell59- ccsbrat- Ashcat- Ferrec- Miia Miia- tohma4me- Ryuichi Koi-chan**

Thank you all! Sorry I can't answer your reviews, but I'm about to get kicked from the computer again...(hence the reason why it took so long)

**Warning!** Shuichi snaps against Tatsuha and he uses bad words.

**When the cold takes its toll**

**A fanfiction by Chiyoku Shibata**

**Chapter 6: The morning after...(part 2)**

The studio where Bad Luck recordings were held was in an uproar once again as Shuichi was nowhere to be seen. It would have seem to be a normal condition to beheld, for it was a normal routine that Shuichi would be late each morning. It happened every day. A minute after everyone was suppose to be there, K-san, the manager, would bang his way to the writer's apartment looking for Shuichi. He would lock-pick his way in and shoot the singer a couple of times to get him going. It always seemed to work. But this morning was different. An hour had passed since K-san had left to pick up Shuichi, and this was unusual.

Suguru was silently fuming in his chair. "This is most troublesome. Shuichi should already be here. Where is K-san? He is not the type to dawdle." Hiro sat on his own chair adjusting the chords on his guitar. "They'll be here eventually." he said, appearing calm. 'I hope...' he added in his mind. Hiro could not forget the feelings that he got the night before, and he was mad at himself for not having called Shuichi, at least to make sure everything was alright. 'But then again, Shuichi always makes sure I'm the first one to find out if something is wrong with him.' Somehow, Hiroshi could not feel so sure of himself, and it was bothering him greatly.

Suguru was feeling a bit bothered by this whole situation, too. He had felt somewhat the same as Hiro had the night before. It was the first time he was washed with a sense of concern towards someone other than himself. This feeling was tiresome, it had kept him awake well over an hour past his bedtime. He didn't let it show, but he was worried.

It was then that both boy's attention was called to the door. Someone was slowly opening it. 'Shuichi.' they both thought. But it was not. K-san walked in with heavy steps, followed by a whirlwind of worry and chaos that was Sakano. "K-san, isn't Shuichi suppose to be with you?" asked Suguru, his words laced with a hint of concern. "Good morning to you, too." answered K. "Good morning, K-san. You are looking rather tired. Why isn't Shuichi with you?" repeated Suguru, this time his words held no emotion. "I went to pick him up but he wasn't there." answered K. "We're ruined! At this rate we'll never make it to the deadline! Ah! Sacho's gonna have my ass for breakfast!" yelled Sakano panicked. He was pulling at his hair as he fell on his knees and released another panicked scream towards the ceiling. Meanwhile, Hiro and Suguru glanced at one another. Their features showed worry, more so in Hiro than in Suguru, but on the inside they were probably equally troubled about Shuichi's absence. "Wait..." whispered Hiro, as he turned to look at K. "Couldn't you have asked Mr. Yuki about Shuichi?" K looked blank at the question, as if he was suddenly remembering something. 'How could I ask him...if he was naked in bed with Touma Seguchi...' thought K, 'good thing I wasn't seen. That would have been awkward.' The two boys were still looking at K, waiting for an answer, and they noticed the far-away look on his face. 'He knows something.' they thought at the same time. Then they turned to look at each other again, as if they knew that their thoughts were the same. "K-san!" said Suguru, the boy made sure to put strength in his voice. He knew that he was a lot like his cousin Touma, and he was going to use it to his advantage, again. "Did you ask Mr. Yuki, or not?" he asked K, when he finally gained the american's attention. A smile was present on his face. K shuddered inwardly at the scary resemblance, but he didn't show it. "Ah, no. The man was sleeping, I didn't think it would be appropriate to wake him." answered K. Hiro and Suguru turned to each other again, and Hiro walked closer to the other. "That's definitely not like K-san at all." murmured Hiroshi towards Suguru. "He's lying." said the other, in an equal whisper. They remained quiet as they eyed each other for ideas. "Not to worry about it! I'll take care of everything! In the meantime, boys, start practicing!" yelled K, suddenly. Hiro and Suguru were startled and they jumped away from each other. Both were breathing harshly. K really knew how to scare people. Soon, they started working on their music, and a forgotten Sakano was left sitting on the corner, rocking back and forth, as he cried silently while he murmured something about the fate that awaited him.

In the meantime, on another part of the city, Shuichi finally awoke. He fluttered his eyes open and squinted them as he adjusted to the light flooding from the window. Looking around the room, Shuichi grunted loudly, and he sat up slowly, as the events from the night before came crashing back into his conscious mind. "It's too early, Shuichi. Let's keep sleeping." whined a voice. Shuichi looked to his left to find a naked Tatsuha. The boy was sprawled on the bed, sleeping, and the blankets barely covered him. "Shit." mouthed Shuichi. 'I have to get out of here!' he yelled in his mind desperately.

Shuichi got out of the bed slowly. He attempted to get away from there quietly, so as not to wake Tatsuha. But, naturally, he failed as he accidentally kicked a sneaker, which flew slightly and bumped into a small table; the table wobbled and an object tumbled and roll off, falling loudly on the floor and waking Tatsuha. "Damn." mouthed Shuichi. "uh? Wha' happen'?" murmured Tatsuha as he sat up abruptly. The boy yawned as he rubbed his eyes. Then, he eyed the singer, whom was petrified on the spot, still naked. Tatsuha feasted his eyes on the beautiful naked creature that was Shuichi. A sleepy smile tugged on his lips. "You look beautiful like that Shuichi." he said. Shuichi turned to look at Tatsuha and laughed nervously. "yeah...thanks...well...uhmm...bye!" he answered, as he darted off to the bathroom like a flash. He was going to take a quick shower. Meanwhile, Tatsuha was still naked, sitting on the bed, as he tried to catch upon Shuichi's strange behavior.

Some minutes later, Shuichi came out of the bathroom. He was dripping wet and a small towel was fastened on his waist. Finding the bedroom empty, he decided to go around the house, quickly and silently, as he gathered his clothes that were thrown about. As he came into the living room, to get the last of his clothes, Tatsuha was coming out of the kitchen. The young monk was clad in a pair of tight, black boxers. He came out and stood in the doorway of the kitchen, arms crossed across his chest, and his hair still messed up. 'He looks so hot!' said Shuichi in his mind, as his eyes widened and he stared at the boy. 'He's a very hot, Yuki-look alike.' he mused. "Like what you see?" asked Tatsuha seductively. Shuichi looked at the other in the eyes and a slight pink color grazed his cheeks. But two seconds later, he turned around and started to walk off to the bedroom to change. "Where are you going?" asked Tatsuha with a lusty voice. "I have work to get to." answered Shuichi, his voice cold and without even turning to look at the boy. Tatsuha stood stunned at the last statement that came out of Shuichi's lips. 'He sounded just like Eiri.' he thought. But Shuichi never noticed the cold in his voice, and how much he had resembled his dear Yuki. He went into the bedroom and locked himself in. He wanted to prevent the young perverted hotty from coming inside.

As Shuichi slowly dried himself and started getting dressed, he stopped next to the full-length mirror and dropped the towel on the floor. The boy inspected himself, and he noticed, dismally, the purple spots that had started to form on various parts of his body. He touched a few of them and winced at the pain they emitted. "Yuki." he whispered. Shuichi felt his heart recoiling in pain, and a tear rolled down his cheek.

Shuichi continued to dress as he tried to figure out what to do next. 'I can't go to work. Hiro will notice right away that something's wrong. I can't go home or I'll have to answer lots of questions. Yuki's apartment is not even an option right now...oh, Kami-sama! What am I supposed to do? Where do I go from here?' Shuichi groaned in annoyance as he was running out of options. 'One thing's for sure, I'm not staying here with this rapist. He can die and burn in hell!' He groaned again, and winced as he accidentally hit himself in one of the purple spots.

He finished getting dressed as fast as he could manage, while he thought hard about his present predicament. Finally, he unlocked the door and walked back to the living room. "I called for take-out." announced Tatsuha as he saw Shuichi. The latter stood there for a few seconds. His features unreadable. 'Tatsuha...' he thought saddly. 'How could you do this to me...I know you tend to sleep around but I never expected this from you...not this...' Shuichi sighed and stared at the ground. "Goodbye, Tatsuha." he said coldly. "wha...what do you mean 'bye'? So soon? I just called for take-out..." said Tatsuha. The boy looked confused. "I'm late for work." answered Shuichi. His voice was a monotonous droning. He walked to the door, very deep in thought, and he paused for a moment as he opened it. He turned to face Tatsuha. "I don't ever want to see you or hear from you again!" he growled out. Tatsuha looked shockingly at the singer, surprised by the outburst. "Why?" he asked, the monk was honestly confused. Shuichi scoffed. "Why! You're asking me why?" responded Shuichi. "I told you! I was weak! You knew that!" Shuichi felt his voice rising with his anger and indignation. "You took advantage of me! You used me!" Shuichi yelled as he took a step towards the boy. Tatsuha took a step back, his eyes wide and his mouth slightly open. He was surprised and scared. "I...I don't know...what do you mean..." he whispered. Shuichi growled out painfully as he punched the nearest wall. This outburst was very unlike Shuichi. Even the singer was surprised at himself, but at the moment it just seemed like the most appropriate reaction. "You don't get it!" he yelled out. "You don't get it! You don't get it!" he repeated. "You raped me! You! You asshole!" Tatsuha looked even more stunned at the words. 'rape.' the word rang in his mind, and it felt like acid. "No!" responded Tatsuha. "No! No! I didn't!" he repeated. Shuichi growled, and Tatsuha backed away even more. The boy was scared, truly scared. "How dare you say that! You miserable, fucking hypocrite! You touched me without my concent! I told you to stop! You never did, Tatsuha! You..." Shuichi's voice was breaking by the end of his yelling. "You never stopped..." he cried out in a whisper, tears had already began to fall, from both boys.

And then, as suddenly as Shuichi had began yelling and crying, he stopped. He stopped and he stood there, next to the open door. Tears were still wet in his face, but he made no attempt to dry them. "Goodbye, Tatsuha." said Shuichi. Finally, he turned and slammed the door as he left the apartment. Tatsuha was left there, all alone. Shivering, tears falling and his teeth clenched, doing his best not to cry out in shame. And there was only one thought running through his mind. 'I raped Shuichi!'

Chiyoku says: this is all for now, I may not be able to get back for awhile, sorry. I'll try my best but my Father suddenly decided to visit and he came without warning...now everything's weird around my home...uu

Read and Review Please.


	7. The Fates of events

Chiyoku says: Hey everyone! I'm back! Well...sort of...I got lucky I guess...Father is still preying about me...I feel like he's a lion and I'm the prey...just waiting to be devoured... I feel like Father is killing me slowly from the inside...

Anyways, you don't care about my excuses or my drama...deathly angst is more like it...Hehe...

But I'm not writing this chapter from home, thou. I'm at the apartment of a very good friend of Seth. They've known each other for years from the orphanage and when Seth went to visit I tagged along and this boy allowed me to use his computer to update my story. So...I don't know how often I'll be able to update...so I'll try to make them a little longer if I can...

Thank you truly for reviewing and for all your support. You guys are like a small candle giving a shimmer of light to guide me in my dark and foggy world.

**warnings: **An official mention of rape from Tatsuha.

**When the cold takes its toll**

**A fanfiction by Chiyoku Shibata**

**Chapter 7: The Fates of events**

The streets of Tokyo swarm with people, as with any other day of the week. All of them busy with their own lives and problems as they made their way through the bustling crowds, getting pushed here or there but not even noticing it. Shuichi ran past these crowds unnoticed. His mind terribly overwhelmed as he tried to come up with a reasonable answer as to why his life always seemed to go to hell.

'I trusted you Tatsuha! Why? Why? How can I ever face Yuki now? I'm tainted. Tainted! Oh, God! '

Not much more ran through Shuichi's mind, and the memories of everything that had hurt him in the past also kept coming back to him. 'I'm dirty, tainted, trashed! I'm worthless, why do these things keep happening to me! What did I do, what did I do this time to deserve this kind of treatment from the people I trust... I must have done something...I just wish I knew what, I'm so stupid!'

Eventually, he stopped running and noticed where his legs had taken him. 'the park...this is...where I met Yuki, why here...the Fates must destest me...' Shuichi didn't even noticed he had started to cry, and he walked slowly as the tears fell. Looking for a place to sit down, Shuichi was glad that there were very few people at the park at this time of the morning, he had already noticed some of the looks he got before entering the park. '...imagine if the tabloids got ahold of this...I can already see it... Famous Lead Singer from super popular band Bad Luck found crying in park... Shuichi Shindou from Bad Luck band has bad luck in relationships... Shuichi Shindou...found...dead...of a broken heart...' by the time Shuichi finished his thoughts, he was already on his knees crying out without shame. "I can't," he whispered, "I can't handle so much drama!" he yelled out. This got him an odd look from a passerby, but the man only walked faster and got away from the crying boy as fast as he could.

Moments later found Shuichi sitting on a bench under some trees. He was bent down, clutching his head with his arms resting on his legs. Breathing harshly as more tears escaped from his innocent eyes. The unfairness of it all kept hitting him. Shuichi couldn't understand why the world was so cruel with him, or why the people around him were so evil. 'I never did anything to them, nothing! And yet...they take advantage of me and throw me away like a swimsuit in the winter...I'm famous! I'm supposed to be having a good life...just like any other famous lead singer I ever imagined...why... I just want to live my life...why do they keep picking on me! I'm just Shuichi Shindou! I'm nobody! They enjoy making me suffer like this without reason! Trying to control me as if I were a puppet on strings...I just wanna do my own thing...be happy...is it so much to ask for!'

"Why are they so cruel! Why! Can it get worse than this...?" As Shuichi cried out his despair and bad luck, life still had many surprises for him. At that moment, Shuichi felt more tears hitting his face than the ones he was shedding. "Hu?" Shuichi looked up, confused, and finally noticed the rain. "No way! This is so unfair!" he cried out in his usual energetic way. "Gah! Just when I thought things couldn't get worse! I hate life! And I'm not just talking about the damn cereal! Stupid thing tastes like old people! Stupid, stupid! Stupid..."

Shuichi looked down as the rain got stronger. Lost in his mind, time continued to pass relentlessly. Minutes or hours went by, Shuichi didn't know which but he didn't really care either. He felt he had nowhere to go, he didn't want to burden anyone with his problems, so, he did the only sensible thing he could think of. He stayed in the park, alone, even as the day started to get darker, whether it was from sunset approaching or just the storm that kept getting stronger, it didn't matter. But now the park was empty and Shuichi was on his own, under the rain and soaking in his problems. The poor lead singer felt so lost and he cried, the tears getting lost with the rain.

"If Yuki didn't want me before...he's gonna want me even less now...now that I'm soaked..." he laughed bitterly and slowly got up, clenching his fists at his sides, the tears didn't stop, just as the rain hadn't stopped in a while now. And Shuichi still could not be sure of how much time had exactly gone by.

But we just need to go back a few hours, back to that morning, because just as Shuichi Shindou was thinking about the Fates and his bad luck in life, other people were living out their own day. Shall we see what they've been up to?

Touma Seguchi laughed to himself as he drove back to N.G. Records. He had just left Eiri's apartment. Playing mind games with people was what brought the joy to his everlasting boredom. But now the author who hated love yet spend his time writing romance novels would have much to think about.

"Ah...my little Eiri-chan. What a troubling issue I have left for you to dwell upon."

'But don't think of me as evil. As much as I enjoy seeing you squirm, this is actually a good thing for you.'

"If Eiri truly loves that Shindou boy then he should have no doubt that nothing indeed happened between us; but if he were to doubt himself...then something will definitely need to be done."

Touma kept pondering this issues aloud in his car all the way to N.G. He got to work soon enough and directed himself to his office on the top floor. Ready and roaring to start working...well...sort of...

"Touma!" yelled Ryuichi as he pounced on the president. "Ryuichi. Always so pleasant...to see you." Touma said as he strained to breath. "Yeah! Haha!" yelled Ryuichi on the president's ear, then he jumped and got up off the floor. "What are you doing here, Ryuichi? You aren't needed on the studio today..." He went into his office, Ryuichi trailing close behind. "I know na no da! But we was bored so Kuma-chan suggested that we come and sing with our Shu-chan!" he answered, Kumagoro appearing on the God-like singer's head seemingly out of thin air.

Touma demeanor changed, and nobody but a close friend would have noticed, and Ryuichi fit that description, no matter how much of an airhead he seemed.

"Well, then...if you came for Shindou then you should go look for him..." said Touma, turning around with his 'business-smile'.

But as much as Ryuichi knew that something was wrong, he didn't ask, he would give his friend the space he seemed to be needing. So, hiding behind his goofy smile, Ryuichi jumped away from Touma's office and went to look for Shuichi. And then a God-like childish singing could be heard through the halls.

"Shuichi! Na no da! Shu-chan! I'm coming! Na ni Na no da!"

Touma held a genuine smile towards Ryuichi's retreating form before he sat in his desk. He was wondering what would happen when Ryuichi could not find Shindou, and what would Eiri do... then it was that he got an idea to implement into his fun slash evil plan. Touma took the phone and dialed a number. "Hello?" said a man on the other end. "Hello, Tatsuha." greeted Touma. "Hey, there! What do ya need?"

"Well, I would like for you to keep an eye out for Shindou. Mika told me you would be in Tokyo today." No soon the words left his mouth, Touma knew something was wrong, because Tatsuha had stayed silent. "Is there something you need to tell me?" asked Touma.

"Why would there be anything! I'll look for him! I'll look for Shuichi, no worries, 'kay?" said Tatsuha in a quick outburst.

"Okay, but don't you want to know why?" Touma asked in a testing voice. "Oh, yeah! Right...Hehe...why?" he answered nervously. And the boy knew that Touma could sense he was hiding something. Well, he was being pretty obvious, anyone would have noticed.

"I think you know why, Tatsuha."

"...but it was an accident! I didn't mean to, Touma! It just happened!" yelled out Tatsuha; the boy had thought that Touma was talking about what he did to Shuichi. And anyone who knew Touma well enough would have known that the man had set a word trap for the boy.

"Didn't mean what, Tatsuha?" asked Touma, his voice kept at an even tone. "Oh, nothing...I mean...I saw Shuichi yesterday outside bro's apartment and took him with me, he told me everything." he explained. "And what else happened?" asked Touma. Tatsuha remained silent for a few seconds before he whispered...

"I took advantage of him..." it came as a murmur, but Touma heard it perfectly over the silence. "Tell me." answered Touma with an even tone, a slight threat could be heard behind it. Tatsuha shuddered, he felt lucky to be at the other end of the phone and not next to him...

"I made him do it with me...I kissed... I kissed him and he didn't do anything...Shuichi just lay there so I took... I took him..."

Touma remained silent. "He even told me to stop but I didn't listen...I just kept going...I..." Tatsuha's voice was breaking slightly as he went on, and Touma still remained silent. "I took him...I kept going and I took him without his consent..." the boy sobbed and Touma couldn't say anything. "I feel so ashamed...Oh, God! I raped Shuichi!"

"Touma? Say something! Touma, please!"

Touma was a turmoil of emotions as he listened to Tatsuha's confession. He has expected something, but never this. And the last sentence kept repeating itself in his mind. 'I raped Shuichi. I raped Shuichi. I raped Shuichi.' Touma could not believe it. It had happened to Shuichi before, with the Taki Aisawa incident, but he had taken care of that already, and now...

"Tatsuha, how could you." he said, finally. "How could you do this?" he asked, and now Tatsuha was the silent one as quiet sobs could be heard.

"Forget it. Forget I asked you anything. Where are you?"

"Your apartment."

"Good. Stay there. Stay there until I tell you otherwise. Do you hear me?" commanded Touma. "Yes," answered Tatsuha, "but what are you going to do?" he added.

"For now? Keep you away from Shuichi and away from Eiri, because when I tell him what you did..." Touma answered. "He'll want to kill me." completed Tatsuha, voicing out Touma's toughts. "Yes, probably. I'll call you again when I can." Touma said. And the conversation was finished.

Sighing deeply, Touma turned towards the window. "I never expected this turn of events." he whispered. "Shuichi Shindou...what am I going to do with you, boy?" he asked to the emptyness of his office. "How do you manage to get continually tangled in such situations..."

Chiyoku says: That's it for now! Thanks for reading! and make sure to review! please? (by the way, the "we was bored" from Sakuma-sama was intentional...I just thought it sounded cute when I imagined it. Yip.)

**Next Chapter: **Shuichi's absence gets noticed at N.G. Yuki gets slightly inebriated and supersticious.


	8. ShuichiMobilization of the People

Chiyoku Says: Hey everyone! Isn't it a great day? The sun in shinning, the birds are singing, the cold breeze feels great against my skin, I still love the heaven-sent drink that is coffee, my hair smells of strawberries, I realized that Seth is my lover (I know...Hehe...took me long enough...), and Father got sent back to Japan! Yess! Life is great! We just have to enjoy the little things in life! We must love and allow ourselves to be loved! I love my life! Yeah, baby! Hehe...

By the way, my sis broke into my account a couple of days ago and wrote a one-shot for Psychic Academy...It's a good one, so I'm not mad at her, no idea how she got into my account thou...OO...She's sneaky like that... But you might wanna check it out. It's called ''Kiss Me Away'', oh, and for the people who reviewed it, she gives her thanks and she says that she's considering writing a sequel for it, another one-shot to follow this one, but she'll do it when she gets bored some other day, so I don't know how long that'll take...

And to all my lovely reviewers, I really love you all! Thank you all for your support during all this time that Father was here! I really, really, appreciate it! And I probably have all of you to thank for my Father finally leaving! I mean it! It was all the good karma you sent my way! Thank you all! And I also have to thank Seth (not my lover) I'm referring to Seth the God of Chaos. I lit a small candle for him every night and prayed to him so he would take the chaos in my life away. I even made a small altar for him in my bathroom (mom doesn't think it safe for it to be anywhere else, because of the candles, you see.)

Anyways, please enjoy this new chapter!

**When the cold takes its toll**

**A fanfiction by Chiyoku Shibata**

**Chapter 8: Shuichi-Mobilization of the People**

Ryuichi Sakuma. The God-like being that reigns every world he's been to. What is it that makes him such? No one has been able to answer such a question. Although many have certainly tried to. Some say that he is a favorite among the Gods, and consequently, we need no reason to worship him, only the will. Others say that if you observe him constantly you will be sure to find something definite to which to attribute his greatness. Personally, I don't think anyone will ever know why we love Ryuichi Sakuma so damn much, but it sure does make a nice hobbie.

Currently, we can find the God-like being hopping down the hallways of N.G. as he goes to find his favorite successor, Shuichi Shindou.

"Sparkle, sparkle. Sparkly Shuichi, Shuichi!" he was singing in a high, childish voice. But as he got closer to the studio where Shuichi was supposed to be in, he heard a guitar playing and what heavenly sound it emitted.

Ryuichi was stopped on his tracks by it and he couldn't help but blush at the beauty of the music. He stood there a few moments before he resumed on his way, treading lightly on the floor.

' It wouldn't do any good to make my presence known so soon. ' he thought. He knew that as soon as he was known to be there listening, the musician, whoever it was, would certainly stop playing from shock.

As he got close enough to the room, he pushed the door open quietly and sneaked inside.

' It's that boy! Hyioshi Nakao...what's his name...the Bad Luck guitarist...whoa...never imagined he sounded so good on his own...of course, the only times I ever heard him play before, he was accompanied by the track...he sounds like he's been playing for years, and look at him, he's so absorbed in it. I doubt he'd see me even if I sat by him. He's seems barely aware that Sugi-kun's there.'

Moments later, when the music finally stopped, Ryuichi decided it was safe to make himself noticed. And so he clapped, and jumped, and laughed, as he cheered the performance of the Nakao boy.

"That was beautiful! he exclaimed. "Sakuma-san!" responded Hiro in surprise as he blushed. "Why are you blushing?" asked Suguru playfully. "I...didn't notice he was there..."

Ryuichi ignored him now, "Hey! Hey! Where's Shuichi!" he asked. "He never came today..."answered Suguru.

"Oh...but I wanted to sing with him!" whined Ryuichi. "_We _wanted to sing with him!" he added as Kumagoro appeared mysteriously on his head.

"K-san went to take care of it...whatever that means..." said Hiro, already recovered from his embarassment.

"Oh yes! Kuma-Kuma-chan says I should play music with you guys instead! Until Shuichi comes! Okay?" he yelled out energetically as he bounced towards the mic. "Sure." said Suguru in agreement.

Soon, both boys and the God-like being were playing Bad Luck songs; Leaving Hiro and Suguru in amazement of the knowledge that Ryuichi had of their songs.

Some time later, when they finally stopped the music, the boys realized that it had started to rain.

"And Shuichi's still not here..." whispered Suguru. "I'm worried." said Hiro as he crossed his arms and sat on the couch. "Where's Shuuuu-chaaaaan!" whined Ryuichi into the mic, his voiced reverberating over all the walls of the studio. "Maybe we should ask Seguchi-san if he knows anything..."suggested Suguru.

"Hai, Hai! Let's ask Tohma nanoda!" yelled Ryuichi happily as he immediately bounced out of the room. Hiro and Suguru glanced at each other before they hurried to follow Ryuichi towards the president's office.

"I'm worried." said Hiro as they reached outside of the office. "I know. You said that already." answered Suguru. Then he looked up and smiled gently as he took Hiro's hand "Don't worry. I'm sure it's nothing serious." Hiro smiled back and squeezed Suguru's hand as he turned to walk inside the office after Ryuichi.

"Tohma! Touma! where's Shu-chan?" yelled Ryuichi as he jumped to Touma's empty chair.

Touma Seguchi had been quietly observing the rain, and he turned slowly from the window and smiled pleasantly when he saw the people who entered his office without knocking. "I don't know." he answered. "What do you mean?" asked Hiro, "He didn't call in sick or anything?"

"No," answered Touma, "in fact, Shindou-san hasn't been seen or heard from since yesterday night."

"What? Hasn't been seen! Where is he? Where's Shuichi!" yelled out Hiro, desperation suddenly getting to him as he advanced towards Seguchi. Suguru held his hand tighter and grabbed his arm with the other as he held the guitarist back. "Calm down, it doesn't help to behave this way." he said soothingly. Hiro looked down and seemingly calmed. "I know..." he whispered, then he looked up defiantly at Touma. "What happened." he said, "Surely you must know. Tell me!"

"Shindou disappeared after an altercation with Eiri." Touma explained calmly.

Hiro stood in place while Suguru stared at him expecting an outburst. Suddenly, Hiro turned around and ran out of the office. Suguru was dragged behind him, still holding hands. "Hey! Where are we going! Wait!" he yelled as he struggled to catch up. Hiro ignored him as he went to the elevator and pressed the down button. He entered it, dragging Suguru who yelled as he tripped into the elevator right after Hiro. Then the doors closed and they disappeared behind them.

On another part of the city, two empty cans of beer stood on the table as Eiri Yuki opened a third one and lit a cigarette. He went back to sit on the couch as he stared at the window. "It's raining..." he whispered. It had been a few hours since Touma left and he still hadn't gotten around to doing anything productive. He did get dressed; granted it was the same thing he was wearing the day before. "Same thing I was wearing when I hurt my Shuichi." he whispered as he finished the beer in a gulp.

Dropping the empty can on the floor, Eiri got up and dropped his cigarette also, stepping on it to burn it off.

"I shouldn't be wearing this shit! It brings me bad luck...Bad Luck...Shuichi, where are you! Dammit!" Yuki hurried to his room to change out the clothes that had made him so unfortunate. A few moments later, he finished changing and he dropped the bad fortune bringers into a bag so he could throw them out later. Because if these clothes were not around, he wouldn't hurt Shuichi anymore, right? Because it's the stupid clothes that caused this whole mess, so if these disappear, then his problems will go away with them, right?

"Damn. That's so fucking superstitious of me...but anything's better than believing I hurt Shu-chan out of my own free will..." he said.

He stood silently in the living room, bag of clothes in hand, as he looked around slowly; He took in all the things that could be identified as Shuichi's. And for every single thing he saw, Yuki could not bring himself to come up with a moment when he had not been mean to his brat...to his Shuichi.

It was at this moment, alone and lonely in his living room, that Eiri Yuki could not, for the life of him, remember a moment lived here in this apartment with Shuichi, that he hadn't been cruel, spiteful, or malicious to the boy. Not a single good memory.

"I was mean to him before I even knew him...and I continued to be mean even after I realized that I wanted to be the most important person in his life. But, what hurts the most is that I don't intend to be this way...it just seems to come out naturally. Even after I believe that this is the best way to act to keep myself safe, every cold word, every hurtful act, it comes out naturally. I can't contain it! I can't! But...maybe...if I somehow get my Shuichi back...no...when I get my Shuichi back...maybe he can help me better myself!" Yuki finished his tirade and smiled at himself, with newfound hope, he hurried out of the apartment, determined to find his Shuichi, get his forgiveness and get his advice to be less mean.

"I won't stop until I find you, Shuichi Shindou!" he exclaimed loudly. And as he stood outside, umbrella in one hand, bag of clothes on the other, Yuki Eiri looked around and started walking as he moved his lips once more around three silent words.

"Shuichi, my love."

Back at N.G., the two Nittle Grasper men stood alone in the office. "Touma, what's happening?" asked Ryuichi. His voice very serious. Touma turned to the window once again, with is hands clasped on his back. "It seems that their love is being tested once again. The question is, will it pass? or will it fail?" he responded.

Ryuichi knew whom Touma was referring to. "Touma." voiced Ryuichi, his voice held a warning tone.

"Relax, Ryuichi. I did not interfere, yet. Not this time."

The God-like being instantly relaxed and slumped on the ground, taking out a crayon from his pocket, he started humming as he drew on the floor. Touma payed no heed as he continued watching the rain.

Once in the lobby, Hiro practically ran out of the building; Suguru struggling to keep up. "Where are you going? Please, don't ignore me anymore! I want to help!" exclaimed Suguru. Hiro stopped walking as he was leaving the building. Suguru caught up and Hiro took his hand again.

"I appreciate it. I don't know how much you have in your power to help in this situation, but you can tag along if you want to." Suguru smiled as Hiro tightened his hold on Suguru and took off running again, this time to his motorcyle.

"Hiro!" yelled Suguru as he saw the motorcycle. "what's wrong?" asked Hiro. Suguru hesitated and whispered, "Can I sit in front of you?" Hiro looked curiously at him. "why?" Suguru looked down at the question, saddened. "It's okay," smiled Hiro, "you don't have to tell me, yet, if you don't want to. You can sit in the front, but hurry." Suguru looked grateful and quickly slipped on the motorcycle.

Soon, he felt his back come into contact with Hiro's chest and he unconciously leaned back into him. Hiro felt this but didn't say anything because he liked how it felt. And bringing his arms around the smaller boy, he took off.

**Next Chapter: **What has Shuichi been up to? Will he ever leave the park? Will he remember he hasn't eaten anything in about a day? What will he do about it? Does he even have any money with him? Hopefully, because I can't really see him begging...Heh

Chiyoku says: I hope you enjoyed the chapter! Oh! and a little reminder for you all! Did you notice in my summary of the story that it says "Many pairings possible"? Well, that's where you come in! You can suggest what pairings you'd like to see! Okay?

Another thing, for now I'm going to ignore K-san. I have no idea what to do with the guy...remember the part where he says "I'll take care of it"? Well, I just wrote that to get rid of him...OO...I have no idea what to make him do now...if you have a suggestion, please, I'd love to hear it! Otherwise I'll just sit him on a coffee shop for the whole story! Heh.


	9. Le Cafe de Amadeo

Chiyoku says: Hey everyone! I hope you're all good and alive. Heh. I have to say that I had a problem...yep...another one...but this time it was with the computer at home! It crashed and mom banned us from using it... ;-; So I definitely have to rely on the computers at school now...The worst part of it is that I had this chapter already written! And I lost it! It had come out so long and good...but I lost it and I had to rewrite it...I'm sure it didn't come out as good as the first one, and it's shorter, too...but I hope you enjoy it anyways!

On a closely related not, from the begining I had been writing this story based on chapters I had already written when I was bored at school. But this chapter is the end of that. I'm not gonna rely on notes or prewritten crap anymore! So hopefully future chapters will come out even better! Here's hopin' anyways...But this also means that now I know just as much as you do about my story... My knowledge of this story goes only as far as this chapter...hehe...the good news is that you can suggest stuff! If you want to see something happening or whatever it is...coupling or outcomes or whatever you want for a certain character to do...if you feel like suggesting anything like this, please feel free to do it!

And I keep telling you guys to suggest pairings you want to read. So you can tell me that too. I'mm thinking to use any and every pairing you guys suggest, which would mean that maybe not every pairing you see now is going to stay the same at the end of the story.

I have no idea what the end of the story is going to be yet. So it's kinda fun that way, 'cuz I get to have fun writting whatever I want and I don't have any rules to go by! (except the preset rules made by anyways...

That's it!

Oh! And tell me if any of you know how I came up the the waiter's name! Hah! I dare you!

Enjoy!

**When the Cold Takes its Toll**

**a fanfiction by Chiyoku Shibata**

**Chapter 9: Le cafe de Amadeo**

It was a park. The municipal park. Which was normally overflowing with people and joy is, on this day, sad. Late in the afternoon, on a dark and gloomy day, the park was completely devoid of humans. The cold breeze was blowing glently, and dead leaves of all shades of autumn flew down from the trees. A lonely path made of cement, wet and dirty from the storm, found itself suddenly occupied by someone. A single person. A young boy with the looks of a bum. Bright pink bubblegum hair, caked with dirt. He walked slowly up the path, walking and walking without noticing his surroundings. And as the path led him outside of the park, he went on.

It was Shuichi Shindou. His face was marred with tears that had long since stopped falling, but he made no move to dry them. He wore them like a badge. An honor to his failure. It had stopped rainging a while ago but the dark grey clouds still loomed dangerous. Darkness had come early that evening. And Shuichi's heart had darkened with the day. Such a young boy, not a kid, yet not quite an adult. It shouldn't have been this way. It should never have to be this way for someone like him. Oh, how cruel the world that had decided to make him suffer so. What an awful fate for someone so lively and energetic.

' I don't deserve it. ' thought Shuichi. ' I don't deserve any of this. Yuki doesn't need me. He never did. I doubt anyone needs me at all. It's so sad. I intrude on the lives of gentle people and throw caution to the wind without regard for others. Just like I bothered Yuki for so long, and Tatsuha decided to punish me for being so wrong with his brother...but I still don't think I deserve being treated this way, being depressed like this. I hate it how they all look at me. Judging me and loathing me terribly. Oh, it hurts! Why does it make my heart ache so much! This is horrible! I never meant to hurt anyone...but I know I'm selfish. I know. And there's nothing I can do to change it. My personality doesn't allow me the comfort, or the ways to better myself. Damn it! How...why did it become like this! Why! '

Just then, Shuichi stopped thinking and he looked up. There was a sign, gently swinging with the breeze. "Le cafe de Amadeo"

The sign wasn't japanese, but he recognized the word coffee. A sparkle shone in his eyes and a smile grazed his lips. His first true smile in almost two days. He walked inside and a bell chimed. Stepping to the counter he sat on a stool and checked his pockets, emptying the money on it on the counter, he decided that he had enough. The waiter gave him the menu, luckily for him, it seemed the young man didn't recognize him. Shuichi licked his lips in anticipation as he eyed the menu.

"You're gonna need something hot, kid." suggested the waiter. And Shuichi knew the sight he must be presenting. With his clothes almost dripping wet and the rest of his wet and dirty appearance.  
"I'll have the swiss mocha with lots of chocolate and an extra shot of espresso. The biggest piece of crumcake and that giant cookie with the strawberry glaze."

And Shuichi seemed to get in a better mood even as he finished ordering. "That's a big appetite for such a little guy." commented the waiter as he wrote down the order. Shuichi grinned shippishly. "It should be! I haven't eaten anything in almost two days!" he exclaimed. The waiter seemed surprised at this but he didn't comment on it. A few minutes later he set the order in front of Shuichi and the boy started to consume it as if his life depended on it. And it probably did...Shuichi was not one to be used to spending so much time not eating anything, and it had been almost two days ago when he'd had his last meal.

After a while, the waiter approached him again. "You know, I'm no bartender, but if you need a stranger to tell your problems to, I'm a good listener." he suggested.

Shuichi stopped eating as he sipped the coffee with pleasure and seemed to consider it. "Are you sure?" he asked, "It's complicated."

The waiter motioned to the empty cafe and added, "I've got nothing else to do."

Shuichi sighed as he gathered his thoughts.

"I've been dating this person for a while. And we've had problems from the start. Both our lives are stressful, there's a;ways someone meddilng in our affairs. Recently, this person had been colder to me than usual. He ended up hitting me and I ran away. That was yesterday." Shuichi stopped for a while, not noticing when he had swtiched from 'this person' to 'he' and the waiter noticed but he didn't call on it. "Go on." he said. Shuichi sighed and went on.

"I bumped into his brother just when I was out and he took me to his apartment. Apparently, his brother had feelings for me because he ended up forcing me to have sex with him..." Shuichi made a stop again.

"He raped you!" asked the waiter astonished. "Not really, I had told him to stop but when he ignored my complaints, I just let him take me. Anyways, this morning I woke up, got dressed, insulted him and ran away again. I ended up at the park and here I am."

the waiter remained pensive for a few moment after Shuichi finished. "Sounds like they don't appreciate you. They're abusing you. You shouldn't suffer for someone who doesn't treat you right."

"it's not like that!" protested Shuichi, "He loves me! I know he does! It's just that he's had a difficult time for years now, and it was the first time he hit me! And I probably deserved it, too...I was being a pest to him..."

"No excuse is a good one for hitting someone you love." responded the waiter.

"But how can I go back to him now that I let myslef get taken by his brother! I'm tainted! It's awful!" exclaimed Shuichi, slamming his hand on the counter, his eyes watering again. "Relax, kid. It wasn't your fault. This person's brother took adgantage of you!" said the waiter.

"I know that! But I also know I deserved it! I want to go back to him...I love him so much! But I don't know if he'll take me like this... I'm such a selfish, and horrible person..."

The waiter remained quiet again as Shuichi continued to devour his order. The young man wanted to help, but it was a difficult situation, and he had no idea what he could say to make the kid feel better. He'd never been in such a difficult situation. And he didn't know what would be the right thing to say. But he had offered to listen, he brought himself into this, and now he had to say something or do something to help the poor kid. And what a kid it was. He was beautiful, features of a cherub, but the boy walked around like a fallen angel. So dirty. That's right! The boy is dirty. He should at least offer him some comfort, even if it wasn't mental, it should be physical.

"You need a bath. A hot one." he said finally. Shuichi looked up from his empty cup and plate. Confusion in his eyes as he stared at the waiter. "what?" he asked.

"Look kid. I honestly have no idea what to say to help you with your problem. But I can at least offer you a warm shower and some clean clothes. What do you say?"

Shuichi was stunned at the sudden offer. A warm bath sounded really good. But could he really trust this young man? They didn't know each other...Shuichi was relunctant, especially because the last time he found himself in someone's apartment, he had been raped, and it wasn't the first time it had happened...what to do, what to do...

But the waiter seemed to read the dilemma on his eyes. "Look, it's okay. I live right above the cafe. You don't even have to go anywhere. Please, I insist. It's no problem. I just offer my bathroom, my clothes, a hot meal later on...maybe a place to stay for the night... because you don't really seem like you have anywhere to go to, right?"

Shuichi considered it hard, but it didn't really seem like he had much of a choice...

"...okay...I'll take you up on your offer."

"Great! Let's go then, just give me a minute to close up. It doesn't seem like there's anyone out anyways."

"Wait! I can't make you close up!" exclaimed Shuichi.

"It's okay, I own this place, I can do whatever I want! Heh."

"Oh...okay."

Minutes later, everything was closed up and ready. "But wait! I don't even know your name!" said Shuichi suddenly.

"You're right! How stupid... My name's Amadeo de Romanus. It's a pleasure to meet you."

"Amadeo...Amadeo's coffee shop...Haha! I get it... My name's Shuichi! It's cool meeting you, too."

Introductions out the way, Amadeo turned to the door at the back wall of the cafe and turned the key to open it. Shuichi was close behind.

But what is life but a series of fates. And how the fates love to play around, that they decided just at that moment, to make it happen. There was a man on the same block, umbrella in hand, he walked with a fierce determination, his blond hair wipping in the wind, eyes narrowed in anger at himself and worry for a certain pink haired idiot. It was Yuki, obviously, and he kept repeating Shuichi's name in his head just as he quickly flew by the closed coffee shop.

Shuichi turned abruptly and looked outside. His eyes searching around for a familiar face. But he saw nothing. He has missed Yuki by a second. "What's wrong?" asked Amadeo.

"...nothing..." answered Shuichi, still looking outside, "Just thought I heard someone call my name..." he turned around and stared at the other young man. "...I didn't hear anything..." Shuichi sighed deeply, and sadly. Then he gave a weak laugh and started walking towards Amadeo. "Must have imagined it."

**Next Chapter: **stay connected for another chapter of my story! I don't know what's going to happen next chapter...maybe I'll write more of Shuichi.

So... Please Review!

See you next time!


	10. The Venus, the wisdom and the shock

Chiyoku says: Hey eveyone! I'm really shocked that I was able to bring myself to update after just a week! But I really put myself up for it...Tuesday has become the only day when I really have access to a working computer with internet for more than three hours...so expect a possible update every tuesday afternoon! Okay?

Well, I really have nothing much to say so I've decided to answer some reviews! Yay! I love you all! Please keep enjoying my story! And keep reviewing!

**Princess of Kumai:** I don't really know what I'm gonna do with Yuki once he finds out, if he ever finds out...well Touma will probably tell him as soon as he can get a hold of him, so yeah...he'll probably be mad...really mad...but this is Yuki we're talking about, so I don't really know...

**Ryuichi koi-chan: **Yes! I know...Seth and I are lovers, I guess in a way we were always lovers...I was just a little slow to realize that...Heh...But please don't hate Tatsuha! He's just a dumb teenage boy after all! Teenage boys always follow their hormones more than their brains...wait a minute...O.O I'm a teenage boy! Oh well...I guess it's true thou...My Seth can really get me going with those crazy hormones of us...(And I'll just leave you to figure out exactly what that means! heh. I'm so evil!)

And to the rest...(sorry I can answer personally, I sorta in a hurry right now...)

1) Amadeo's not a bad person!

2) I won't tell you yet how I came up with the name, but there's some Venus clues in there to help you figure it out. So many books to read...so little time...

3) I don't know when Yuki and Shuichi will meet up yet, but an idea I had yesterday while I took a shower. Heh. was that maybe I'll have both of them go into different things...like..mmhh...meet up with different characters and stuff, maybe have a fling or two or three...just so I can please the readers and everyone will get a little taste of different pairings, and then maybe in the end they could figure out that they can't be with anyone else...but That's just an idea! It's not a sure thing! Not sure thing at all!

Well, that's it.

Enjoy!

**When the cold takes its toll**

**A fanfiction by Chiyoku Shibata**

**Chapter 10: The Venus, the wisdom and the shock**

Dark green was the prominent color of the room. The walls and the potted house plants were dark green, and so was the leather couch against the wall. A wooden coffee table and a small onyx-marble fireplace. Another wooden table was located on a corner of the room with a few chairs around it. Three bookcases stood near the couch, every row completely filled with leather-bound books. A couple of boxes stood stacked on top of each other on an otherwise empty corner. Shuichi was impressed with his surroundings. Everything about the place, that he had seen so far, seemed to give off whispers of wisdom. There was an air about the place that he had never felt at Yuki's place. It was a room that seemed to demand respect, and Shuichi couldn't help but be compelled to give it. He walked a few steps further and looked about again. There was a painting hanging just above the fireplace and it took Shuichi's breath away. There was a beautifully nude woman on it, standing gracefully on a giant seashell, long golden hair torn by faint breezes, she was staring ahead as a man, who stood beside her, seemed to create the breezes for her. This woman, who seemed to be coming down from the skies, and a nymph as beautiful as her stood on the shore as if in a welcoming gesture.

"Who is she?" asked Shuichi, in a whisper, as he continued to gaze at the painting. "That's Venus. She's a Goddess." answered Amadeo in a gentle voice. The young man had seen Shuichi fall into a sort of trance by the painting. He didn't want to startle him out of it.

"She's beautiful." whispered Shuichi.

"Yes, she is."

Shuichi then seemed to bring himself back to the room as he turned to Amadeo and blushed feeling flustered. "Sorry...it's just that I've never seen anything like it before."

Amadeo chuckled and looked at the painting. "That's okay. Botticelli's art has that impression on people. Especially the first time they see it." Shuichi looked confused. "Sandro Botticelli. He was a great master in painting. A florentine of ancient Italy. The maker of this painting."

Understanding dawned on Shuichi as a bright glitter filler his eyes. "The Venus of Botticelli. I don't think I'll ever forget the name, Amadeo."

"I'm sure you won't. Now, have about I show you the bathroom?"

Shuichi seemed startled as he looked down and stared at himself. For a few moments he had completely forgotten about his situation. He blushed in embarrassment and gave out a weak laugh as he scratched the nape of his neck with his right hand. "Okay. Lead the way!" he exclaimed.

Amadeo laughed a bit as he walked into the apartment, thru a hallway, and he stopped at the first door.

"Here you go. I think everything you'll need is in here. But if anything...just yell out for me. I'll be in the kitchen heating something up, okay?"

Shuichi entered the pristine bathroom and turned back to Amadeo. "Thanks for everything, Amadeo!"

"No problem, Shuichi."

The young man walked back into the first room and disappeared thru an entryway without a door. Shuichi closed the bathroom door and immediately turned on the shower. Moments later he stripped of his dirty clothes and gave out a cry of glee as he got under the warm water.

Meanwhile, Amadeo was in the kitchen preparing dinner. Moments later he remembered something and left quickly to his bedroom. Shuichi was enjoying the shower immensely. Besides getting cleaned by the water, the warmth was really helping him feel better. He really hadn't noticed how cold he was. The water really was relaxing, it was as if he could fall asleep standing under it.

But before he had a chance to ponder the thought of sleep for very long, the door opened and Shuichi tensed. "Sorry for bursting in, Shuichi." It was Amadeo.

"Wha...what's wrong..." asked Shuichi, feeling a little scared and vulnerable. After all, he was naked in the shower of a stranger. What was Amadeo planning on doing with Shuichi now? Why didn't Shuichi lock the door?

Scenes of torture and rape ran thru his mind as he heard the shuffled footsteps of Amadeo, as the young man walked into the bathroom.

"I totally forgot to leave you a change of clothes...that's all. You okay, Shuichi?" Amadeo had obviously noticed the boy's sudden tense demeanor. "Oh! How stupid! I'm sorry, Shuichi. I didn't mean to scare you...I should have knocked...that was thoughtless of me..."

Shuichi's heart was racing, but he felt slightly relieved and accepted the apology. "That's okay...I guess I'm just too jumpy, for some reason..."

' of course you feel jumpy! ' thought Amadeo, ' Your lover hit you and his brother raped you! How could you not feel jumpy! '

But he couldn't say any of these things, because Amadeo was just too polite. He had just met the boy, he couldn't come out and just say that. It would be too much. First, he scares the boy by bursting in on him taking a shower, and the to top it off, he starts berating him, and trying to justify the boy's jumpy behavior by reminding him of his problems...how much help would that be? The thought was just purely ridiculous.

"Well, I'll just leave the clothes here and I'll take your dirty ones to the washer, all right? I'm not sure about the size though...I brought you the smallest clothes I could find...and I eh...I brought you a pair of underware...ahem...they're new, don't worry...a friend of mine gave it to me as a birthday present. Obviously he was trying to embarrass me...it worked though...I'm sorry, really, but it's the smallest thing I can give you... It's okay if you don't want to wear them...and the clothes, too. I can give you something else, anything else...it'll be bigger on you but...normal...I guess...just tell me if it bothers you. Don't hesitate to tell me, okay, Shuichi?"

"I think you're babbling, Amadeo!" exclaimed Shuichi as he laughed. Amadeo blushed. "Don't worry. I'm sure it's not as bad as you're making it seem! I'll wear anything! Just relax! It's okay!"

Shuichi went on with his shower. Now he was completely relaxed and he didn't even mind that Amadeo was still standing in the bathroom.

After a few seconds though, Shuichi remembered something.

"By the way, didn't you say you were going to cook something?"

Amadeo came back out of his thoughts, slightly dazed. "Yeah, I...Oh, Shit! The food!"

Shuichi laughed as Amadeo slammed the door and ran to the kitchen, just in time before it burned badly. But it really wasn't that bad. Mostly it just came out crispy. A nice touch for the fried rice he had been cooking.

Another few moments later, we find Shuichi as he made his way to the kitchen. He went inside and stood at the doorway as he stared at Amadeo, whom was just finishing up with the cooking.

"How do I look?" asked Shuichi.

Amadeo turned around and almost dropped the plates he was carrying.

Shuichi was simply dressed in a clubbing dressup. The typical black leather pants, with a blood red shirt. His bright pink haircolor clashed a little with the blood red shirt. But the boy really looked appealing. He was barefoot and wearing nothing other than the pants and the shirt. But what made him look the best was his fresh out the shower look. The clothes was a few sizes bigger than him. And that made him look even better.

"Are you wearing the underware I left you?"

"yeah...but it's not too bad! I usually wear black thongs when I perform, since the clothes is always at least a size smaller than me." Shuichi responded and explained.

"Perform?" asked Amadeo.

"uh...yeah, I'm in a band."

"really? what's the name?"

"Bad Luck."

"Bad Luck? That sounds familiar, somehow...but I wouldn't really know...I'm not very into all those things."

"Yeah...I sorta noticed when you didn't recognize me when I came into your shop..."

"Should I have...recognized you? Are you really that famous?"

Shuichi blushed. "Well, I'm not sure...I guess so...I mean...usually people always recognize me if I'm not in disguise..."

Amadeo seemed amazed. "If you have to hide, then I guess you really are famous...mmhh...this is weird...I mean...you're so use to being famous, and having everyone recognize you, you must be used to better things than these."

Shuichi blushed, and he seemed shocked. "No! Please don't feel like that! I'm a really stupid person! I'm not really used to any of those things you say! I just love to sing! And performing in front of an audience makes me feel like I'm floating in the skies, but other than that I'm very normal! I'm not that smart at all...oh! Thank you again for all your help, and stuff..."

"Sure, you're welcome...wanna have dinner, now?"

"Yeah! I'm starving! Great!"

Soon, they had put the table and they were both sitting, and eating, chatting comfortably.

"So, yeah..." Amadeo was saying, "My father just got tired of it all, and went back to Italy. The coffee shop and this place were his, but he left them to me. Honestly, I just moved in a couple of weeks ago..."

"Well, I really like what you've done with the place. it's so sophisticated." answered Shuichi.

"Yeah...thanks. But, I'm still in the process of fixing it up. I have so many things left to unpack, yet...but I haven't had much time...what with running the coffee shop, and the book deadline...I'm swamped..."

Shuichi's eyes widened. "Book...? Deadline...?"

"Oh! Right! Yeah, I'm a novelist!" he explained.

Shuichi looked shocked. "No way..."

"Yeah, modesty aside, my books really sell a lot. But thankfully, nobody knows who I am, since I always use a penname and I don't put my picture on my books. I just like it that people read my books, you know. It's always been my dream to publish. And...what wrong? You okay?"

Shuichi had been stunned silent.

"Did I say something wrong? I really would have guessed that with the way my apartment is and all that, I figured it kinda screamed 'Novelist!' You know? But I guess it came as a shock..."

Shuichi couldn't speak for a little while as he drank more tea to help his suddenly dry throat.

"My Lover's a novelist, too..."

"Oh...I ehm...I'm sorry...what's his name?" Amadeo asked as he felt so stupid that he had made Shuichi feel bad again.

"Eiri Yuki"

Amadeo's eyes widened in shock and he chocked a bit on his tea as soon as he heard the name come out of Shuichi's lips.

"No way! Him?"

**Next Chapter: **No idea what's gonna happen, yet, cuz I haven't written it...we'll all just have to wait and see. heh.

By the way, I still don't know what to do with K-san...so if you think of something, feel free to suggest! Okay? Oh, sorry I couldn't go over the chapter once I finished writting it, so I'm sorry for any mistakes you find and feel free to point them out.

Now review Please! I need to know what you think!

While you Review, I think I'll go to starbucks...mmhh coooffeeee.


	11. Mystery of the strawberry cake

Chiyoku says: Hi everyone! I know what you're thinking! I said every Tuesday…and it's been two weeks since my last update…but in my defense, I'll just say this: I did say 'a **possible **update'

Thanks to everyone who reviewed! And even if you didn't review…thanks for reading! I'm so happy! I hope you're liking it this far! Which I suppose you should be, if you're reading up to this chapter…Heh.

**Tohma4me- **What did you mean when you talked about the encounter? Did you mean just Tatsuha and Yuki meeting?

Anyways, things get hairy throughout this chapter…

Enjoy!

**When the cold takes its toll**

**A fanfiction by Chiyoku Shibata**

**Chapter 11: The mystery of the cake is solved, what's next?**

Shuichi was startled to silence as Amadeo suddenly burst out loud. He just stared at the young man with his mouth closed and his eyes wide. Amadeo blushed and looked down.

"Ahem. Sorry about that…" Amadeo just apologies and silently went back to eating.

"Do you…know him?" asked Shuichi.

Amadeo's eyes turned up to stare at Shuichi as the rest of him kept down towards the plate of food.

"Not anymore…" he answered. Then, he went back to eating. His gaze avoided Shuichi completely.

"Amadeo…please, you know you have to tell me more than that…"

Amadeo sighed and shrank into his chair.

Shuichi was confused and curious; afraid of the answer he would get. Was Amadeo another ex-lover? It's possible…if they are both novelists… Or maybe it went farther back than that? Amadeo is not Japanese…so; they could have met in some other country, maybe New York.

But all this time Amadeo had remained quietly eating.

"Amadeo, I know it would normally be weird for me to ask some stranger about their personal lives…but…I need to know. If it concerns my Yuki…then I have to know why you suddenly look this way. Why are you so silent? Why?"

"Shuichi…don't ask me so many why's…everyone keeps asking me things…Why do you leave, why do you remain anonymous, why do you hate me…why, why, why…I could ask you the same thing. Why do you remain with such a person? Why do you let yourself be played with? Why do you run away? Why? Why do you look so pathetically weak? Why? Why does it seem like everyone always has to take care of you, Shuichi? A brat like you... It doesn't escape his lips. Not once. Brat this…brat that… Your name never escapes his lips. Eirisan is always this way when he talks about you. But it doesn't seem like he cares much…the way he keeps saying 'My brat is always so clingy and needy.'"

Shuichi was shocked by this speech that Amadeo suddenly went into. More so, because of the fact that he sounded so much like Yuki, all of a sudden.

"What's going on…How do you know Yuki? You…saying all those things…you…"

Amadeo saw the sadness in Shuichi's eyes. Tears were gathering at the corners of his eyes; Amadeo regretted his words. He really hadn't meant to come out like that. Even if his tone of voice came out even, and kind; the words were harsh and hurtful.

"I'm so sorry!" he said as he jumped from his chair. Walking up to Shuichi's side of the table, he knelt down and placed a hand on Shuichi's knees. "Shuichi, I'm sorry. I'm not angry at you. And no matter how my words came out. It's not you I hate! Please! I'm sorry. "

Shuichi started crying, leaned forward and hugged the person that had just hurt him so badly. Amadeo sighed in shame and gladness that Shuichi seemed to have forgiven him. Returning the hug and trying to calm the boy silently.

"It's okay…but, now you really need to explain to me what's going on…I'm so confused. Why do you know Yuki? How come he never talked to me about you? Are you another lover?"

Amadeo seemed taken aback by the last question and he pulled back from the hug.

"How could I be his lover? Aren't you?" he asked.

Shuichi smiled sadly. "Yeah, but I doubt I'm the only one. No matter how much I love him…he just doesn't feel the same…"

Amadeo had barely opened his mouth to retort, but he thought better of it and remained quiet. He stood up and patted Shuichi in the head.

"Why don't you finish your food, now? Afterwards, I can make something hot for us to drink; maybe you'd like another piece of cake…?"

Shuichi perked up at that and went back gleefully to his dinner. Somehow, between the two of them, it was so easy to put a tough subject aside. Amadeo went back to his sit and quickly finished his own dinner. Moments later, he got up and started picking up the plates.

"I would help you, but I'm very clumsy…I'd pro'lly end up droppin' a plate or something… "

Amadeo chuckled and that and Shuichi blushed and laughed like the ditz he was.

"Go to the couch, if you want. We can eat dessert on the coffee table. "

Shuichi jumped at that went straight to the couch and sank in it. A look of pure bliss embedded on his features. Amadeo smiled kindly at him.

"Oh! By the way, more coffee or just tea?"

"Coffee! I love coffee! But this time make it black and with lots of sugar! 'Kay?"

"Sure. And I have some strawberry cheesecake you might like. I made it myself."

Shuichi's eyes sparkled at the mention of this, but then he looked thoughtful for a moment.

"Isn't that Yuki's favorite?"

Amadeo's eyes widened. He felt so stupid. Just when they had finally veered the subject…it rears its ugly head back!

"…yeah…I…that's sorta my fault, actually. I give him a cake every time he comes…he loves it…Mostly, he just loves my cakes…I'm sorry..."

Shuichi's eyes widened as everything suddenly became clear in his mind.

"Now that you mention it…every so often, when he leaves for places without telling me where he's going, he comes back with a cake in a white box; wrapped in light blue ribbons…I think I remember seeing your logo on it..."  
Now, Amadeo looked slightly ashamed, again.

"Yeah…those are my cakes."

"…and when I see him eat them, he looks so peaceful and delighted…always devours them barely in two days…he never lets me eat any…"

Amadeo gave a out a nervous laugh.

"Yeah…that's Eirisan. Always so selfish like that… Anyways, I'll go prepare the stuff…okay? I'll be right back."

Amadeo disappeared into the kitchen and Shuichi stayed on the couch; enjoying its comfort while he contemplated this new development.

' My Yuki's favorite cakes are made by this guy…I don't know if I should feel jealous or be amazed… '

A little while later, Amadeo came back out holding a tray that contained coffee and cake, which he placed on the coffee table and, then, he sat down on the couch next to Shuichi.

"Go ahead." He said.

Shuichi didn't need any more encouragement before he grabbed his coffee and gave a big gulp.

"Ah! It's hot!"

Amadeo laughed. "You shouldn't drink it so fast! Try the cake, then."

Shuichi stared at the cake, and nervously he reached for a piece.

' This is the famous cake that Yuki loves so much. I'm finally going to have a taste of something he actually loves! '

And as soon as a piece went into his mouth, Shuichi closed his eyes and moaned at the heavenly taste. It seemed to be melting in his mouth.

"It's so good! I want more!"

Shuichi immediately grabbed the plate with a huge piece and started eating it in big, slow bites and he enjoyed every one of them.

"This is heavenly!" he moaned again.

Meanwhile, Amadeo just sat there, slowly taking sips of his own cup as he stared at the boy. Suddenly, he felt slightly hot. The way that Shuichi ate the cake was really getting to him; so much so, that parts of him were becoming tight.

' Maybe this is why Eirisan doesn't let Shuichi eat my cake…'

And Amadeo just remained there. He sat and stared at the very sensual boy as he ate his cake. Amadeo was having a hard time containing his body as he tried desperately to look for an opening to speak and interrupt the boy…before it got too far…

"I think this is as good a time as any to tell you about my relationship with Eirisan."

Shuichi looked up startled from his almost empty plate.

"I owe it to you, for hurting you." Said Amadeo, "But it may not be easy to accept…"

Shuichi swallowed nervously. "Tell me, no matter what it is!"

Amadeo nodded. "Did he ever talk to you about his time in New York? And what he did…?"

Shuichi's eyes widened and he nodded. "He told me everything. About Kitasawa…everything."

Amadeo stiffened at the name.

"Well, he didn't tell you everything! Eirisan, he hurt me badly, and he thinks he can just make it up to me by visiting me all the time…talking about his own lover. Doesn't he understand how much it hurts?"

Shuichi looked saddened and curious. He stared at Amadeo, trying to get him to continue with his silent stare.

Amadeo went on with his story.

"He doesn't understand how much I hate him! It doesn't matter the reasons…the circumstances…Eiri Uesugi killed my Yuki! He killed my lover!"

**Next chapter: **Amadeo was Kitasawa's lover! No way! (Yes way! I wrote it that way. Heh) So, what awful past could be hidden behind the kind face of Amadeo?

Chiyoku says: I knew how I would end this chapter about ¾ thru it…hehe…by the way…if Yuki knows Amadeo and all that…why did he just pass it by about two chapters ago? He completely ignored it! Well, I'll just blame it on his worry for Shuichi…

Please Review!


	12. The Search Goes On

Chiyoku says: Hey everyone! How r u? Oh! Here's an update right on Valentine's Day! For you guys, I think there's some hints of Hiro and Suguru attraction on this chapter!

As I was going over past chapters, I realized I made three chapters of pure Shuichi! Just when I was planning of making only two or something…Anyways, so now we'll go back to the rest of the ignored for a few chapters. Hehe…the ignored….yeah, I totally forgot about them, I started to get so into the Shuichi/Amadeo conversations….anyways, so now you'll have to stay in suspense for a few chapters as to Amadeo's link with Yuki's past and whatever else…I need to make the other characters catch up.

Anyways, Thanks to everyone who reviewed! I have a deep attraction to reviewers! swoon heh. And all of you out there who are reading this but have never reviewed, it wouldn't be too hard to drop off a few lines of appreciation, you know! Even for critics (good or bad) and suggestions or whatever else…deep sigh I still hope you are liking my story, thou. Anyone who still hasn't reviewed….I thank you for reading my story anyways.

Wow…this is turning out to be a long note…..but there's something funny I need to tell you guys! (for any of you actually reading this…) Turns out a few days ago we received a call from my sister's school. You know, the academy she goes to. (She lives there) The dorm mother called demanding to know what a Kumagoro attack was…I'm serious! It was hilarious! My mom bought little Sarah ( my sister) a kumagoro doll over the net…she took it to school with her, of course…turns out she'd been chucking it at classmates while yelling "Kumagoro Attack!". Hehe she's so cute! But the stupid dorm mother said to my mom that she suggested counseling. But my mom! She's awesome! She replied to the woman "My daughter doesn't need any counseling! She's been Ryuichified!" I'm serious! She said that! I was right there! Oh, boy! That really killed me! It really did!

Anyways….On with the chapter!

Enjoy!

**When the cold takes its toll**

**A fanfiction by Chiyoku Shibata**

**Chapter 12: The search goes on**

The furious wind rushed by as Hiroshi and Suguru zoomed by in the motorcycle. By just having left N.G. Productions, they had ventured under the rain that was made to harshly hit them as they traveled. In their hurry to leave, Hiro had forgotten to provide a helmet for them. The empty streets of the city were like an ill sign for the boys as they struggled to search for their missing comrade. Although it would certainly be easy to spot a pink-haired boy slumped in empty streets, the climate around them seemed gloomy enough to give them a very bad feeling.

Shuichi had disappeared after fighting with Yuki, that's what Seguchi had said. It seemed like a normal enough set-up where Yuki would simply kick Shuichi out, like so many other times, and the boy would appear moments later at Hiro's doorstep. Ready for a night of consolation, Hiro would sigh deeply, call off any plans he might have had, and order for some pizza.

The morning after, Shuichi would crawl back to Yuki's apartment bawling his woes and remorseful words, and he would throw himself into the welcoming arms of the inflexible romance novelist. And the day would pass with make-up sex, and everyone at work being forgotten. Or so Hiro guessed, anyways.

Clearly, the logical step at the moment would be to go to Hiroshi's apartment, in case Shuichi had gone there. The ride remained uneventful enough, though, regardless of the tough droplets of rain that hit them incessantly.

As soon as they stopped in the parking lot, Hiro turned off the engine and jumped from the bike. Startled, Suguru clambered off the bike and ran to catch of with the determined redhead that seemed to escape him at every turn.

"Hiro! Wait for me!" yelled out Suguru, but the other seemed not to hear him as he disappeared up a flight of stairs. "Hiro! Jesus….Hiro! Where…" Suguru gasped suddenly as he unexpectedly lost his footing on the slippery stairs. He fell on the landing between one floor and the other with a short cry of surprise and pain. Suguru clenched his teeth and closed his eyes to prevent any tears from escaping.

' What the hell's wrong with Hiroshi, damn it. I know he's worried…but what of me? I'm worried, too! Does he forget I even exist? Damn you! ' thought Suguru angrily.

Hiro stopped his pace as he heard the painful cry. ' Shuichi ' he thought as he turned back to go down. And that's when he saw him. Hiro's eyes widened at his carelessness. "Suguru!" he exclaimed as he ran to the boy's aid. He grabbed the boy's arm to help him up. "You okay?" he asked. But Suguru pulled his arm back forcefully and opened his eyes and glared at Hiro. "I don't need your help. What's wrong with you!" Suguru exclaimed angrily as he stumbled to his feet. Hiro grabbed him around the shoulders in a hug. Suguru gasped and pulled away, his eyes wide in shock. "I know you're worried. I am, too, you know. There's no need to forget I exist." He exclaimed. Hiro looked ashamed as he diverted his eyes to the floor. "I'm sorry." He managed to whisper.

"Yeah, well. You need to calm down to be able to think straight. You need to slow down and remember that I'm here, too. You could try filling me in on what we're doing, maybe I could help, you know. Shuichi's my friend, too. I'm worried, too. And I hate seeing you this way…"

Hiroshi felt even more ashamed. ' Of course he cares. But you never did think otherwise…you just forgot…and Suguru ended up falling down the stairs trying to catch up with you…I need to get my head clear, Suguru's right…he's here to help, too. He's such a strong person, isn't he. '

Hiro finally looked up and stared at Suguru in the eyes. For a few moments, they both just stared into each other's eyes. And Suguru finally seemed to receive Hiro's silent message. His posture relaxed as he calmed down, too.

"Fine…just fill me in, already." responded Suguru as he moved to step towards Hiro. The other relaxed for a moment, but then he tensed a bit at the groan of pain that came from Suguru.

"What's wrong?" he asked, concern laced on his voice.

Suguru blushed as he put a hand on his back. " I fell on my butt."

Hiro's eyes widened in concern as he grasped the boy's arm, and stepped by his side. "I'm sorry you're in pain, it's my fault."

"Hiro…it's okay, forget it, it's nothing."

Hiro frowned for a second, as if in thought, then he smiled as if he had come up with an answer to his own questions. Suguru gasped as he felt a hand on his butt.

"Hiro, what!" he exclaimed.

"Relax, I'll make the pain go away." Responded Hiro, good naturedly as he gently rubbed Suguru's butt.

Suguru groaned and blushed, but relaxed. "This is embarrassing…" he whispered.

Hiroshi laughed in amusement as he continued his ministrations to the boy who just stood there. He found the blush extremely amusing and cute, too. ' Not a bad butt to touch, either. Heh. He's so interesting! '

Suguru opened his mouth in a silent moan of pleasure as he leaned into Hiro's hand.

' what am I doing! How embarrassing. And yet it doesn't matter, because Hiro's touch is so soothing. '

"Are you all better, now?" asked Hiro moments later.

"Whatever, remember we're still looking for Shuichi…you were about to fill me in. Right?" responded Suguru as he walked away from Hiro. But the other suddenly remembered the reason for all this.

"Oh! Right! Let's go!" Hiro answered. Grabbing Suguru's hand, he pulled the boy close and dragged him up the stairs.

A few moments later, they were going back down in a slight slump. "I'd never been to your apartment…it's small." Suguru commented quietly.

"Well, it's enough for Me." answered Hiro defensively.

"I like it. It's cozy…it truly feels the way a home should feel like…" added Suguru.

Hiro hesitated as he looked at the boy. ' He looks so sad, now…but I don't want to ask…he'll tell me when he's ready. Although, I really don't like to see him like this. I wonder if he has problems in his own home. '

"Where to now? Where do you think Shuichi could be at?" asked Suguru. Hiro stared ahead at his bike with a blank look in his eyes.

"I really don't know."

Suguru looked ahead with Hiro in sadness and remained quiet as he stared at the rain. Silently he stepped towards the other boy and tentatively took his hand. Hiro looked back at the boy and smiled at him sadly. Leaning down, Hiro placed a soft kiss on the boy's cheek and muttered, "Thank You." as Suguru blushed and clenched his teeth again. But this time, in an attempt to avoid saying something stupid.

Chiyoku says: That's enough for today….I really need to go to the bathroom…ahem…

I hope you liked it!

**Next Chapter: **No idea yet….but I might drop in some Touma and Ryuichi in there (not the pairing, just the characters) But it could be anything, really….(except for Shuichi and Amadeo, they won't be back for a few chapters yet) Oh, whatever happened with Tatsuha, anyways…Hehe O.O

Review Please!


	13. Of Lollypop and Beer

Chiyoku says: hey everyone! I don't have time for a long note here or anything…..I just saw the time and realized how late I am…. (by the way, I always write the chapter, then the notes…in case you're wondering…) Only had time for this…

Thanks for reading and reviewing!

**Warning for: **Ryuichi/Touma lusting, Ryuichi's dirty mind and Tatsuha's pain.

Enjoy!

**When the cold takes its toll**

**A fanfiction by Chiyoku Shibata**

**Chapter 13: Of Lollypop and Beer**

The rain pattered gently against the window. Its sound reverberating all around the enormous office. The placid screeching of a pen and a soft humming were all that was heard for awhile. In peaceful companionship, two men went about their own business. Although, it should have seemed the perfect picture of tranquility, the calm that would be was shattered by the tense atmosphere that reigned between them.

Ryuichi Sakuma, browned-haired, childlike beauty, sat on the floor with crayons strewn about him. An open sketchbook in front of him, and a hill of ripped sketch paper was scattered about him. Squinting in frustration, he ripped the paper he was currently working on and threw it aside to start on another one. His tongue between his lips, biting in concentration as he scratched the paper with a pink crayon. Every few seconds, he would slow his pattern of intensity to steal a look at Touma out of the corner of his eyes. Then he would look away and resume his scratching and ripping of the sketch paper.

For a moment, he stopped moving completely as he stared at nothing. Smirking, he relaxed his body as he started to draw peacefully while he hummed "Shining Collection". Stealing another look at Touma, he hummed louder as he tapped the floor with his sneakers-clad feet.

Touma sighed in exasperation as he finally put the pen down and looked ahead at Ryuichi with his phony politeness.

"Is there something on your mind, Ryuichi?" he asked. His voice held no suspicion of his irritation, but Ryuichi just knew that he was bothering Touma; after all, he was doing it on purpose.

"Ne, Toumasan! Where's Shuchan! Where could he be? I wanna go look for him, no da!" exclaimed Ryuichi as he jumped to his feet.

"I'm sure Shindousan is fine. He's almost an adult, isn't he? No matter how innocently oblivious…for not to say 'stupid'…he may seem, I don't believe he would do something to deliberately get himself into trouble. I'm inclined to believe that Shindousan is smart enough to have, probably, gone back home right after he ran from Eiri. In any case, be it as it may, the weather is in no condition to allow me to let you go out in an irrational rampage on the Tokyo streets. No matter how good that idea may have seemed to Nakano and my foolish cousin for following him…"

Ryuichi frowned as he listened to Touma's little answer.

"Jeez, Touma!" complained Ryuichi, "You sound like you've rehearsed this!"

Touma smiled with even more fake pleasantness as he interlaced his fingers.

"That's because I've been expecting you to ask that for half an hour."

Ryuichi laughed childishly as he dropped to the floor again.

"I'm still worried, Touma." He said softly.

Touma finally smiled kindly, his feelings reflecting in his eyes for Ryuichi's sake, and he relaxed as he leaned back in his chair.

"Don't concern yourself, Ryuichi. Nakanosan, and Suguru are looking for him. I'm sure Eiri will eventually get his head together and go out for the boy, too. I really do believe Shindousan to be levelheaded enough not to get himself into any serious harm. Even after everything that happened to him in just the course of the night… He's been thru worse. He'll either go home, and lock himself in his room, or go to Nakano's apartment and lock himself in there…I find him strange enough to believe that he could even find a way to lock himself in the park if he so wanted…"

Ryuichi laughed at that last statement and took out a lollypop from his pocket (cherry flavor, if it matters) and started sucking on it gently as he went back to drawing.

Touma tried to go back to his work but after a few moments, he found himself staring blankly at the paper in front of him as he listened to the sounds that were coming from Ryuichi. Suddenly, the demigod singer moaned and popped the candy from his mouth, smacking his lips; he moaned again and jumped to his feet. Running around the desk, he turned Touma's chair to face him, bringing the startled man back to reality. He jumped on Touma's lap, conveniently ignoring the bulge on the man's pants.

"Touma, you gotta try this cherry poppy! It's so good!" he exclaimed. And with that, he stuck his saliva covered lollypop into Touma's mouth. Moving it around suggestively, he exclaimed, "It's good, isn't it?"

Touma's eyes were lost in a haze as he tasted the lollypop. ' It tastes like cherry, but it also tastes like vanilla. This must be what Ryuichi's mouth tastes like right now. '

He nodded absentmindedly at Ryuichi, completely lost in his own pleasure. But it was Ryuichi whom we should have been paying attention to.

This being who hides himself behind a mask of innocence, was anything but. Even as he smiled childishly, his mind hid the devious thoughts of his scheme.

Who would ever imagine that Ryuichi Sakuma would purposefully act the way he did? Even Touma was deceived by his act. Nobody could see past his cheeky grin, not even his closest friend. And so it was that while Touma was lost in the pleasure that, as he believed, Ryuichi was innocently and inadvertently giving him, he didn't notice Ryuichi's own bulge as he stared at Touma and the incredibly suggestive way he made the man eat the lollypop. Imagining instead, being his own manhood that Touma kept sucking on.

Meanwhile, on a pristine apartment, Tatsuha sat at a chair by the table. A couple of bags and empty cartons of take-out had been abandoned a while ago. Empty cans of beer were neatly placed on the table in a row. Burping loudly, he clutched his stomach and groaned. The television was showing a Bad Luck music video, and it played loudly in the background.

Tatsuha turned to stare at the boy swinging his hips sensually, and a look of pain crossed his features. Grabbing his stomach, he got up and took a few steps before he kneeled on the floor and gave a painful cry. Mustering all the strength he could, Tatsuha got up and walked to the bathroom. Emptying the contents of his stomach on the toilet, Tatsuha leaned against the bathtub and started crying as he clutched his stomach. Swallowing the pain, he got up moments later and headed to the kitchen. Opening a new box of beers, Tatsuha was sure this was the best way to forget, the best way for redemption. His pain would be in honor of the Shuichi Shindou that he had raped. And he went back to the chair and kept drinking. Uesugi's had a strong tolerance of alcohol; he didn't need to worry about that.

About an hour later, and who knows how many more cans of beer, Tatsuha ran to the bathroom to throw up once again. He needed to drink, and he couldn't do it if his stomach was full; however, the intense pain wasn't helping the matters. Tatsuha figured it was hunger, but he couldn't eat anymore if he was drinking; he'd already tried that and he had threw up all of it…

Right after leaving the bathroom for the second time that morning, Tatsuha headed for the phone and dialed a number he knew by heart. Eiri's phone number…

But it was the machine that answered.

"I can't take it anymore, bro'! I might as well get this over with, since you'll find out eventually anyways…it might as well be me who tells you…" at this moment, Tatsuha broke down crying again. Very painful sobs came thru the phone.

"I raped Shuichi, bro'! I didn't mean to! I'm so sorry! You can imagine how painful it feels! And, while I hope you don't find out where I'm hiding from you, I do hope you'll forgive me. I didn't mean to hurt him!" Tatsuha cried out again and clutched his stomach. "It ran into him last night and he fainted on me. He told me everything you did! I felt so bad for him, I just wanted to comfort him….but I got out of hand! I'm so sorry, bro'! I…can't…stand the pain…my stomach feels like I've been punched repeatedly….I'm sorry…" And with the sound of Tatsuha throwing up, again, the line went dead.

Eiri Yuki had been sitting in the living room that morning when Tatsuha called, trying to drown his own sorrows. Eiri had heard everything his brother said, but feeling that it was ultimately his fault, he got up and grabbed another beer.

Chiyoku says: This is it for now…..I'm still in a slight shock at what I wrote…but I have to admit I was slightly aroused there for a moment….heh…hormones…what can I do…

**Next Chapter: **No idea yet….maybe I'll try to get in some of Suguru's story in there….I want to make a side story of Suguru and Hiro, which it'll help for them to get closer.

Review Please! See you next time!


	14. Undeclared Smarts

Chiyoku says: I can't believe it's been over a month since I last updated! I'm not going to try to make any excuse. The honest truth is that I just didn't feel like it. I've been getting more into "Harry Potter" stories. And I read a "Smallville" story for the first time a few days ago…I'd watched the teevee series for a while but I never thought of reading fickies about it…not bad really… My faves for the "Harry Potter" stories are where Harry is dark or a slytherin.

On another note, another reason for my absence in the writing world is that my uncle's visiting! He's the coolest! He's a doctor and travels around the world for conventions and stuff so I don't see him often…But now that he's here! It's awesome! I've been staying in his Hotel room with him and practically emptying the mini-bar every day! And at night he tries to sneak me into nightclubs with him…but it never works, he tries to dress me up to look older so they won't ask for ID…but I look so young… it's a bit sad really..heh…Ah well…I still have to go to school though…he takes me every day and picks me and my brothers up and takes us out for lunch and stuff. Although Seth and Tenoshi have other things to do mostly… Oh! My uncle doesn't know that Seth and I are lovers! So no one say anything! Okay? In fact…my mom doesn't know either…she might suspect something…you know how mothers are…somehow they always seem to know everything…but she hasn't said anything concrete and she hasn't complained either…so if she knows…I guess she's okay with it…Sarah could never find out thou…she doesn't mind this kind of relationships in manga or anime…but in real life it kinda irks her…

Enough rambling! Thank you everyone for your reviews and I hope you keep them coming! You all know how reviews always seem to inspire us into writing. I hope you're enjoying this story! And if you're not…what are you still doing here? You'd think that at this point, the regular readers should be the ones that actually enjoy the reading it.

**Warning: **a lusty Touma equals spilled secrets, Ryuichi displays unusual cunning, Tatsuha is a sucker for punishment.

Enjoy!

**When the cold takes its toll**

**A fanfiction by Chiyoku Shibata**

**Chapter 14: Undeclared Smarts **

_I have you right where I want you, you sucker! _Ryuichi smirked mentally as he giggled outwardly at the accidental double meaning of his sentence. Pulling the lollipop from Touma's mouth with a pop, Ryuichi rejoiced at the throaty moan that he caused on Touma. _Time for the climax of my plan. I'm so evil! _Ryuichi would have delivered the timely evil cackle if it wouldn't ruin his plans. But grinding onto Touma once more, he said, "Say, Toumakun, what really happened to Shuchan? I wanna know everything!"

Touma heard the question, somehow, it sounded oddly suspicious to him. But for the life of him, he couldn't form a coherent thought as Ryuichi kept his mind muddled by pleasure. So, naturally, he decided that blurting the truth was the best course of action, considering he couldn't think of anything else at the moment. But it didn't matter, what harm could the truth do, right? He'd say anything to get Ryuichi to do better things with his mouth than talk.

"Mmhh…apparently Eiri lashed out at Shindou…it was a matter of time, in my opinion…ah…with Eiri's cold and short tempered personality against Shindou's stupidity…ahaah…it was bound to happen…Shindou ran out…that's the last thing Eiri knew…nnhh…ah…but then I found out from Tatsuha that….nnnhhah…he ran into Shindousan outside Eiri's and took him to my bachelor apartment…in a moment of weakness he…ah…he raped Shindou…so naturally, I have to keep the boy hidden, Eiri can't find out or he'll neuter the boy…no idea where Shindou is…he ran out on Tatsuha this morning…ah…"

Touma finished his concession as he threw his head back and pulled Ryuichi closer. But the singer had better plans as he jumped from Touma's lap in shock. Staring with a stunned expression, straight into Touma's eyes, it was seconds after that Touma regained his composure and sat up in alarm. Cursing under his breath, he realized he'd fallen, once again, for Ryuichi's dirty tricks.

"Ryuichi…wait." He whispered as his hand shot up to grab the singer. But Ryuichi was faster as he took a step back, arms up in defense and he ran out of Touma's office, a dark look in his eyes that was not missed by the president.

Touma slapped his forehead in defeat. _What have I done? I've released the monster within…this is gonna cost me. _ He sighed deeply as he got up and went to his secret stash of very strong alcohol. Serving himself a glass on the rocks, he left the bottle out and went to the window and observed the rain that had seemed to get stronger and darker by the second.

Ryuichi ran out of the N.G. building at top speed, into the rain that he barely felt in his rage. _Tatsuha! I'm gonna kill you, you hot bastard! After you, I'll kill that iceberg of your brother! Pound some sense into him! Don't worry Shuchan! I'll exact your revenge!_

Some time later, a bang and a slam were heard as Ryuichi blew the door away with Kumagoro's miracle beam of destruction. The hinges flew everywhere and pieces of wood got stuck in weird places as Ryuichi stood in the midst of the destruction, hands on his hips, a dark look reflected in his eyes and a Punisher tee-shirt flying of his shoulders like a cape. But the wetness from the rain dripped off his hair and clothes, damaging the carpet and ruining the evil effect that the singer had tried to pull off.

Looking around the apartment he spotted Tatsuha sitting on the couch clutching his stomach with one hand, and can of beer on the other that looked forgotten as it dripped to the puddle on the floor. A look of pain and misery was etched on the boys face and it seemed that he hadn't even notice Ryuichi burst in.

For his part, Ryuichi stared at the boy as he let his posture drop and his anger melted into pity. A few moments later, Tatsuha made a retching motion and jumped to his feet, stumbling to the bathroom. Ryuichi gasped a bit and ran to aid the boy. He noticed that Tatsuha didn't even acknowledge his presence. It was a bit unnerving.

Dropping to his knees, Tatsuha grasped the toilet's edges weakly as he threw up. He'd already lost count how many times this had happened and his throat was hurting. Something seemed to be holding him up and he was slightly grateful for whatever it was that was assisting him. Although, in his opinion, he didn't deserve the help.

But make no mistake, because Tatsuha wasn't throwing up on purpose. Who in their right mind would even consider it? Especially with the pain that came with it after several times of having done it.

After his body seemed to have finished the task, Tatsuha stared mindlessly inside the toilet, at the remnants of what had been in his stomach. It was mostly a yellow, sort of brown, kind of liquid, but there was also something red mixed in there. His stomach hurt immensely and his head seemed like it was barely in place. His arms and feet felt awkward, as if he hadn't used them in a while, and they didn't have much strength in them.

"Shit, Tatsuha! You threw up blood!" exclaimed Ryuichi in astonishment. Tatsuha turned his head around a bit and recognized his God through the haze he saw.

"Sakumasan, I'm sorry…so sorry…" he said weakly.

"It doesn't matter right now! Let's get you cleaned up first! Maybe we should take you to the hospital…"

"No! No hospital! I can't be seen! You should leave me be, too, Sakumasan. I'm not worthy of your presence." He exclaimed hoarsely.

"Worthy? Don't be stupid! No hospital but let me help you! I'll help you no matter what!" responded Ryuichi as he helped the boy to his feet.

"I did a terrible, terrible thing, Sakumasan. I deserve to suffer and die for it…" he said pitifully.

Ryuichi sighed deeply as he opened the water valve for Tatsuha to clean himself.

"That holds no reigns right now over whether or not I decide to help you. We'll talk about it when you're feeling better, physically." Explained Ryuichi with a demanding voice, and Tatsuha couldn't do anything else but listen to his God's words.

An hour and much effort later, Ryuichi was staring at Tatsuha as the boy started surrendering to the tempting call of Ryuichi's singing voice over the speaker that seemed to lull him to sleep.

When he had arrived at Touma's apartment, the older man had really been intent on making the boy pay for what he had done to Shuchan. _But it seems he's already punished himself enough…He threw up so much that he hurt his throat and his stomach…if it's any indication by the blood he threw up and the stomach acids. What's worst is that some fault of his actions must inadvertently fall on me… for having forced Shuchan into sex…because it wasn't Shuchan that Tatsuha wants…_

At this he sighed deeply as he extended a hand to ghost over Tatsuha, not quiet daring to touch the boy in fear he'll awake. He listened to himself singing a rare slow ballad over the speakers and he sighed deeply again as his head dropped down towards the floor, hands falling at his sides but his eyes never leaving the tortured sleeping features of the young boy. Tatsuha was having a nightmare. Tatsuha was suffering.

…_it's me…_

Chiyoku says: This is it for now! I've been trying to make some plans for future chapters thou…so I won't be completely out of the loop when I write…

I hope you liked this chapter and that it wasn't confusing. But it shouldn't be terribly complicated, right? Or am I over-estimating you?

Read and Review Please! Please? Anyone? ...sniff… review!


	15. I Love You I Hate You

Chiyoku says: Hey Everybody! How's ee' goin'? 'S been a while...I won't apologize dou...'cuz it was a hard chapter to write...it...it... brought me bad memories...okay? I got a little heated up (mad) when I had to write the confrontation by the end of the chapter... you'll probably be able to tell it's for real when you get to it...

If you have trouble remembering what this fickie was even about ('cuz it's been so long) just go back and reread...

Thanks to everyone who reviewed! I'm so happy!

Even if you didn't review...thanks for reading my fickie and I hope you're enjoying it!

**Yaoi Addicted Girls; **I'm honored to hear (read) that you're a fan! So many thanks! 'Chidori' means green, right? I named my grass Pokemon like that! Such a nice name!

**Princess of Kamui;** I know...I feel bad for him...but hey! Have no fear! Ryuchan and Kumachan are there to help!

**XxTypoMasterxX; **Thanks for the review! I'm glad you liked it!

**Amasaki Reyoko; **It's giving me a headache, too...I sympathize, dudette...But hey! Just keep reading and you're questions will be answered! Maybe...

**Loyal Beast; **Don't kill Eiri before the fickie ends! He's still got a role! Fell free to leave bruises, thou...'snot like anybody's gonna see him...Heh

**Major Alex Louis Armstrong; **thanks for...ahem...the advice...I Love reading your reviews!

**CosmicEssence; **Ryuchan still has an important part here! Kumachan, too! Heh...Keep reading and reviewing! Thanks!

**Random Blue; **Here's the next chappie! Enjoy! And review! 'kay?

**Rebelyell59; **Welcome back! You were my first ever reviewer! I'm looking forward to seeing (reading) more of you!

**Warning: **Suguru snaps! His past comes back to haunt him...

**Enjoy!**

**When the cold takes its toll**

**A fanfiction by Chiyoku Shibata**

**Chapter 15: I Love You; I Hate You**

_I love you. I love you so much, Shuichi. I want to make you mine, only mine, forever. Eiri doesn't appreciate you, and he could never love you. Not like I do. My love for you burns with the intensity of a thousand suns. Only my love matters, because no one could want you like I do. It doesn't matter if you don't feel the same, because you will be mine regardless of your own desires. It doesn't matter if you suffer, because my pleasure more than makes up for it. It doesn't matter if you cry that you hate me, because I'll laugh just as loudly with the love that burns thru for you. And in the end, I'll lean back comfortably and watch you hate yourself, because the love I hold for myself more than makes up for it._

"No!" Tatsuha cried out as he clenched his eyes and gripped the blankets. "I don't want to, Shuchan! I'm sorry!" he exclaimed as he tossed and turned. Kicking the bed loudly, he had aroused Ryuichi from the chair that the singer had fallen asleep at. Jumping to his feet, Ryuichi went to grab Tatsuha by the shoulders, to shake him awake. _It tortures him...his actions torture even his sleep... _Thought Ryuichi with a heavy conscience. Tatsuha kept clutching the sheets as he yelled out again.

" I love Ryuichi! It's him I wanted! Shuchan, please! Forgive me!"

Ryuichi was not surprised by this declaration but it weighed heavily on him. Making his resolution to help the boy turn anew on his head. _He really loves me...he must be desperate...to have me...to have gone to such lengths...what he did was reckless...he's just 16, after all...even if he doesn't look so...his mind is that of a 16 year old boy...his wants are driven recklessly, regardless of the consequences..._

"Wake up!" Ryuichi yelled loudly, not too loudly, thou; because his voice was very powerful...

Tatsuha sat up rapidly and opened his eyes, but his gaze held a dreamlike quality to them; he turned to stare at Ryuichi and he drew his hand up to caress Ryuichi's cheek. The latter just stared back in a confused manner.

"Shuchan..." started Tatsuha, his voice in a whisper, as if he was still dreaming;

"...I'm so sorry, Shuchan." he added as he continued to stare hazily at Ryuichi. _This is too weird for me..._ thought Ryuichi.

"I'm not Shuchan, silly!" responded Ryuichi in a childlike voice as he giggled; bringing Kumagoro out of seemingly nowhere, he bumped its nose against Tatsuha's. "It's Kumachan and Ryuchan, na no da!"

Kumagoro moved as if giggling together with Ryuichi; Tatsuha was brought out of his stupor. "Sa-Sakumasan! What are you doing here?"

"Just between you and me..." responded Kumagoro, "...you should call him Ryuchan...' Sakumasan ' makes him feel old..."

"Ryuchan...what are you doing here?" asked Tatsuha in hesitation.

"Actually, I'd originally planned on killing you..." he responded in a childish voice, adding a giggle at the end for good measure. Tatsuha was stumped, his eyes widened comically.

"Are you serious?"

"Of course! After what you did to Shuchan, who wouldn't?"

"...you know?"

"Yeah...Touma told me...rather unwillingly, I might add..."

"oh...so...get it over with then...I'm ready..."

Ryuichi was surprised at the last statement. "You're ready to die? But you're so young! There's still so many people you must be wanting to have sex with!"

Tatsuha looked up surprised and blushed as Ryuichi stared sexily at him.

"Ah...nnhh...it doesn't matter...I deserve a painful death..."

"Yeah, maybe..." agreed Ryuichi, much to Tatsuha's chagrin, "...but I won't be the one to do it...it's not my place anyways...and I'm hungry...I can't kill on an empty stomach...Do you have any Ramen?"

Tatsuha, ever confused at the sudden change in conversation, stumbled on his words as he tried to get a good hold on reality; he was still feeling a bit woozy.

"I wouldn't know...this is Touma's apartment..."

"I know, silly! It's not the first time I'm here! Now you just rest while I go make us some lunch! And I have to call someone to replace the door while I'm at it..." Ryuichi said as he got up and pushed Tatsuha gently back on the pillow.

"Don't worry 'bout nothing, 'kay? I may not be that great a cook, but Kumachan took a course! So he can help me, now sleep, and you'll wake up in no time with the great aroma of Ramen!"

Tatsuha didn't need to be told twice, he closed his eyes and tried to relax his body as he took a deep breath. Ryuichi exited the room, but not before hearing a whisper of thanks coming from the sleepy boy. He smiled gently and closed his eyes in content, knowing he had done the right thing in deciding to help the boy live instead of torturing him.

Meanwhile, Hiroshi and Suguru were walking thru an empty path in the park. Hiroshi was holding Suguru's hand and walking a bit faster than the other boy, dragging the latter behind him.

"Why are we here, again?" asked Suguru as he did a little jump to catch up with the older boy.

"Shuichi has always been fond of this park...even from before he met Yukisan here...If there's anywhere in the world he would go for any reason...it would be here..." answered Hiro.

"But it's been hours since Shuichi was last seen...even if he came here right after leaving Yukisan...would he really have remained here for so long?" reasoned Suguru.

Hiro groaned in annoyance. "We have no other leads! I've called Yukisan's apartment and he doesn't answer; that should mean he's either passed out drunk or looking for Shuichi...Seguchi wouldn't tell us anything...and Shuichi never agreed to getting a cellphone...he says they're too complicated..."

Suguru's heart gave a pang as he heard the tone Hiro was using with him, but he decided not to mention it. "Knowing Shuichi, even if he had a cell, he would have probably smashed it in anger by now...or something..." Hiroshi laughed at the picture, it sounded too true.

"Well, at least its not raining anymore...although those dark clouds are not very promising..." said Hiro.

Suddenly he gave a start and a yelp as a hand flew to his back pocket.

"What's wrong!" exclaimed Suguru.

"Oh...just my cell phone...it's on vibrate..." answered Hiroshi as he took out the cell phone and laughed stupidly.

"Hello...? Shuichi! Where are you? Are you all right?...what do you mean you can't...?...but I... you won't?...I do trust you, but...You've got everyone really worried...no, I haven't...Touma...yeah...he told us about Yukisan...no, nothing else...why? Is there something else we should know?...are you sure?...yeah...fine...I promise...sure...but come back to us soon, all right?...yeah...see you soon...I hope."

Hiroshi hanged up the phone and looked worriedly over to the distance. Suguru looked expectantly at Hiro. "Well? What did he say?"

"Oh, he wouldn't tell me where he is, but he assured me he's safe...made me promise I wouldn't worry and that I wouldn't try to look for him...he says he needs to stay away for awhile..."

"What! What the hell does that mean! Stay away for a while! He's...demented! Here we all are worried and he's who knows where with goodness knows whom, doing fuck knows what and we're just suppose to chill!"

Hiroshi laughed in surprise at Suguru's outburst.

"Didn't know you could have such an emotional reaction, Sugichan!"

Suguru blushed at first, but then his eyes widened as he realized what he'd been called.

"What did you call me?" he asked in a whisper.

"Eehh..." Hiroshi hesitated at the look on Suguru's face; it was a mix of surprise and terror. But then a familiar voice spoke up from behind Suguru.

"It seems that you are still the same Sugichan as always, no matter how long you try to keep away from me."

Suguru turned around, very startled, looking at the newcomer with a terrified look in his eyes.

"Father!" he exclaimed. And Hiroshi became worried, walking up close to Suguru, he grabbed the boy's hand and squeezed it in reassurance.

The man was standing there looking smug. Clad in a dark blue business suit; with dark gray hair and black eyes, he looked very much like an adult Suguru. But the man's eyes held a hunger and a darkness that had nothing to do with their color.

"I've seen posters of you and your little boy band around the city. It seems you've been doing well for yourself. Of course, putting up for Touma Seguchi might have something to do with it."

"Sh-shut up! You know nothing! What I have I earned with pure talent! I'm not like you! I don't have to offer up my loved ones for auction just to get a promotion!" retaliated Suguru, a look of hatred on his eyes.

"You insolent boy! I gave you everything! You had a beautiful home, everything was served up to you on a silver plater! And this is how you repay me? I earned what I have!" answered the Father with anger in his voice.

"What are you doing around here! Shouldn't you be offering up your wife to your boss for a bonus? Or did she finally see sense and leave you too!"

"Don't talk about things you know nothing about, Sugichan. Touma Seguchi was a meddling fool, he shouldn't have interfered with family affairs, and you! Too stupid, going along with it! Leaving with him! There were so many people wanting to give you everything! And you gave it all up! You could have had an easy life! Tons of lovers just throwing money at your feet! And you ruined it! At least your sister could see some sense!"

Suguru clenched his teeth and felt tears in his eyes.

"My sister's a whore! And that's what you wanted for me, too! You're a disgusting person! I hope you burn in hell, you bastard! I hope you get everything stolen from you! Your money, your dignity! That's the least you deserve! I hate you, Father! I hate you so much! I could never whore myself out for you! I hope someone rapes you, and I hope you suffer for eternity! You chose to give everything for that company! You gave up your family, and our love! Just for business! You messed up! And I just wish I could tear out your heart and rip it to pieces!"

Suguru finished his tirade, much to the astonishment of Hiroshi. He was breathing harshly and grabbing at his heart in pain.

"Those are some big words for a nothing like you. You're a worthless puppet, and if you tell me you earned everything you have and still kept your virginity, then I say you're a lying little shit."

Suguru gave out a guttural scream as he tried to launch himself at his Father, but Hiroshi held him back.

The man smirked, with a look in his eyes that screamed of victory, and he turned around and walked away.

Suguru yelled out again and dropped to the floor, grabbing his head with his hands, he cried like he hadn't in a long time.

Hiroshi couldn't stand seeing Suguru this way, tears escaped his eyes and he dropped to the floor to hug the boy. Suguru turned around and hugged Hiro back, crying onto the older boy's shirt in a desolating way.

**Next Chapter: **Shuichi's back! We get to see how Amadeo's past is connected with the rest of the populace! Why does he hate Eiri and Touma so much?

Chiyoku says: Well...this is it...If you've been reading the author notes...you'll know why this chapter took me so long to write... But I hope you read it all and enjoyed it!

Please Review!


	16. Flashbacks part 1

Chiyoku says: I am so tremendously sorry for making you wait for so long! I am sure that by now you've forgotten what my story was all about! heh... I wouldn't be surprised if many of you had to go back to past chapters to re-read so you could remember...

I know that I do that sometimes when other authors takes their sweet time updating... Hehehe... anyways... I won't give you excuses just don't put a curse on me or I won't be able to update again...

Thank you to all you readers and reviewers! I would be nothing without you!

At long last! Here it is!

Enjoy!

**When the cold takes its toll**

**A fanfiction by Chiyoku Shibata**

**Chapter 16: Flashbacks (Part 1)**

For some moments, all you could hear was the rhythmical ticking of a clock on the wall. Tension was flying about, sending sparks between these two males that sat on a green couch. "Alright, Shuichi, since you complied with me and called your friends, I will tell you about my past. Granted, I don't know exactly what you were told relating to the events that took place in New York, but I will tell you my version of it...as much of it as I can recall...I only ask that you do not interrupt me."

Shuichi nodded fervently in understanding and went on to look intensely at Amadeo. The latter sighed deeply and looked away to nothing as his eyes glazed over slightly and he retrieved inside of himself; to a place he hadn't wanted to call up in a long time.

_**New York City, 7 ½ years before Shuichi met Yuki Eiri**_

"Son, come on, I have to take you to meet your new tutor, and remember to be polite, alright?" said my father as he looked down at me, pointing at me with his thumb and index finger, in a way that was very identifiably him. "Papa, why does it have to be a tutor? Why can't I go to school, like normal children do?" I whined to him, frowning and pouting, I crossed my arms and stomped my foot; very like any other 14 year old of the time. My father merely chuckled and ruffled my hair. "You know you're not normal, Amadeo. Neither am I. We travel a lot and I think you wouldn't want to grow fond of someone only to have to loose them when we leave." he said to me. "What about the tutor then, what if I grow fond of the tutor?" I whined again. I was merely looking for an excuse to win the argument, but father simply looked amused and grinned at me. "No one likes a teacher, Amadeo. Especially a 14 year old, so don't worry about growing fond of him. I heard he's very strict, that's why I chose him. Besides, you've never liked any of your tutors before, so why should this time be any different?" I groaned and huffed in annoyance, father had won the argument this time.

If only I had known what was ahead of me, maybe I would have chosen never to have to go thru it. But then again, the time I spent with my dear Mr. Kitasawa was probably the happiest I had ever been in my life.

We left soon after, my father and I, to go to the apartment of the person that was to be my tutor. I arrived there not knowing what to expect, except for the fact that father said he was strict...and male, of course...Maybe I was expecting some old guy with a stern face dressed in some old-timer suit. You know which suits I'm referring to, those with ruffles, and lines, bowties, and the like. Maybe a bowler hat and a white moustache twirled upwards at the tips. Needless to say, I was wrong.

I remember standing there at the door, my insides churning in nervousness, when a young man opened the door, he looked no older than 20, perhaps. Brown hair and a kind smile, he looked down at me and gave me a look that made my heart stop for a mere fraction of a second, shyly I looked at him and suddenly I felt the cliché 'butterflies in the stomach' syndrome.

"Mr. De Romanus, so nice to see you again!" he exclaimed placidly as he shook my father's hand eagerly. He looked at me again and kneeled down to my height. "And you must be the infamous Amadeo." he greeted me as he extended his hand to me. "My name is Yuki Kitasawa. I'm so pleased to finally meet you." I couldn't help the fleeting thought of what he said: 'Infamous'. Whatever had my father been saying about me, I was very curious to know. But it was fleeting, and at the moment, with this young man standing in front of me, his hand extended for me to shake, I did the strangest thing. I kissed him. Only it was one of those European types of kisses, you know? A kiss on each cheek. I can say he was definitely shocked; I don't think it was a bad type of shock, thou, more like a pleasant and unexpected type of shock. My father, I didn't look at him, but he didn't say anything for a few seconds, then he chuckled and ruffled my hair again. "This kid," he said, "he picks up the weirdest customs...like I had been telling you before, we travel a lot...the greeting with the kisses is one of those European things, you see?"

Mr. Kitasawa hesitated a bit, not knowing what to say, before he smiled again and ruffled my hair, very much like father, but softer and it came out more like an affectionate caress rather than a manly ruffle to a boy. He got up and invited us in. I still hadn't said anything. He invited us to sit and have something to drink; father accepted a beer while I asked for coffee. The first thing I said to him. "Coffee, please." and it was another thing that father refused for me. "You're too young for coffee, Amadeo." Yuki kept smiling and offered to make me a cup of hot chocolate, to which I reluctantly accepted while I wondered if this man ever got tired of smiling. They talked at a distance while Mr. Kitasawa made me the chocolate. I didn't pay attention, as I looked around the apartment. It was small, compared to what I was used to, but I figured it was enough for one man. Everything looked pristine, but very lived in. Soon he came back with a hot cup which he gave to me, our fingers brushing, which I noticed because his hand was as soft as silk. I thanked him and took a sip. And I was very shocked to taste very bold coffee mixed in with the chocolate. It was something like a very strong mocha and very sweet as well, extremely exquisite to my taste.

I looked up at him in shock, and he smiled mischievously and winked at me. I smiled widely at him. "I love it, thank you, Mr. Kitasawa." It was in that moment that he gained my trust, and it was in that moment that I fell in love with him, although it would be only months ahead of this that I would come to realize it.

The months started passing quickly, with very rigorous studying but also with equally blissful moments of happiness. Every day I grew fonder of Mr. Kitasawa and I felt that Mr. Kitasawa was growing very fond of me also. I think father could see it, and probably so could Mr. Kitasawa. My love for this young man was obvious to all but me. In a way, I now believe that father thought he had made a mistake, because he never imagined that I could so grow to love my teacher the way I quickly had. He had probably expected me to be hateful and unattached, just so the way I had been with all the other tutors of my past.

My birthday finally arrived, I was 15 now. Father had promised to have dinner with me, but for the day I was to be with Mr. Kitasawa, for tutoring, or so father said.

I arrived to his apartment early after breakfast. Shortly after I was greeted in, Mr. Kitasawa turned to me smiling, it would have seemed like always, except for the fact that this was not his usual pleasant smile, it was a smile of longing and adoration, and the same smile I would give him every time I saw him. He kneeled down and brushed my cheek gently, I blushed. "Happy Birthday." he said softly. Coming close to me, Mr. Kitasawa gave me two kisses on each cheek. They were deep and slow; I closed my eyes and my lips parted in bliss. He was so close to me, I could feel his shirt against me, and his breath tickling my face. I think I clutched his arm at that moment, when he gave me the last lingering kiss. He stayed close to me as my grip on him tightened. My eyes were still closed and I could feel his breath moving from my cheek to my neck. A strange pleasure coursed thru me ending right on the extremity between my legs. It was a foreign feeling for me, and I think I moaned. Soon I felt his hand coming to rest on my chest and his lips on my neck, he started to give me little kisses as his hand moved to unbutton my shirt, extremely slowly and gently. Probably so as to not startle me. My eyes still closed, I groaned and then gasped when I felt him bite and suck on me gently. His hand caressing my chest directly, now than my shirt was open. I was biting my tongue and moaning in my mouth. Mr. Kitasawa was stroking my nipples, then he pulled a half of my shirt away and grabbed my side, pulling me towards him as his lips moved to my own. It was seconds before he pulled my shirt away completely and he grabbed my butt, enticing a moan from me which gave him the chance to slip his tongue in my mouth. He was moaning with me and tasting me, grabbing at my butt stronger and pulling me to him. I felt him moving his own hard extremities against mine and I whimpered at the feeling it caused. His tongue was still moving in my mouth and I attempted to follow him by putting my own tongue inside of his mouth licking what I could. I could taste him in me and there was mint and coffee intermingled. It was an addictive taste.

He kept kissing me deeply as he pulled away his lower half from me, and I soon felt his hands unbuttoning my jeans and opening them as much as he could without pulling them down. I was very lost in pleasure and desire to feel nervous or scared. The only thing I could feel besides the heavenly pleasure was the eagerness to know what he would do next. He pulled me to him again and I felt one hand slipping inside my underwear to fondle my hardness, I moaned loudly in his mouth and pushed myself to him. I barely registered the fact that I think I ended up pulling down my own pants and underwear in desperation, kicking them away and standing there naked with my legs open. Hugging Mr. Kitasawa and thrusting my hips to him as he gripped me and pumped me hard and fast. I was barely aware of anything, then. I can only remember him pleasuring me; I remember the loud screams of pleasure and the trembling that ran thru me when he moaned my name. The rest is a blur; to be honest I can't remember the moment when I came at all. But I think that pleasuring me gave Mr. Kitasawa pleasure; without needing to get undressed or touch him or anything, Mr. Kitasawa came too.

It was the best birthday present I ever had, and one of the many 'best days of my life' I had since I met him. That day I realized that what I felt was love, a desperate and erratic love, and a dangerous longing for his touch. I was just 15 and he was 23. We'd become lovers and partners in crime.

In the end, it turns out that day was indeed another lesson; a lesson in love, sex, pleasure and crime.

**Part 1 ends here!**

Chiyoku says: I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it! I must say I am rather proud of it. Part II remains unwritten as of yet, but I know it'll be a little hard to write, because it's where everything starts going downhill for my dear Amadeo. I really don't like it when he suffers; he is a much beloved character for me.

Don't forget to **Review! **I can't wait to read what you guys thought of it!

Read you next time!


	17. Flashbacks part 2

**Chiyoku says:** It has been such a long time everybody! I hope you haven't given up on me! But to make it up for those readers who have been waiting a while and wondering when I would update...I made this chapter extra long! I think it's the longest chapter I've written up to date... I like it and I hope you guys like it as well!!!

**Princess of Kamui: **I love Amadeo as well, thank you! And you'll find out about his relationship with Kitasawa between the two flashback stories (this chapter and the last chapter)

**Nari:** thanks for reviewing! I know what you mean thou, about Yuki and Shuichi, but it can't be helped, I think that Gravitation, with the way the characters are, it just gives you a wide opening for a mean Yuki and a beaten Shuichi...unless you write them way out of cannon.

**Major Alex Louis Armstrong: **A lot of surprises in this one! I hope you guys enjoy it!!!

**No-Name: **Thanks! Yeah...I can imagine it as well super blush

**XxTypoMasterxX: **Yeah, I feel sad as well...but he'll live, he's a very strong individual.

**Chika: **A happy ending always depends on what character you are...but yeah, I hope they all end happy... And Yuki regrets it already!!

**CosmicEssence: **Yeah...poor Shu...but I imagine he just takes in the most important aspects only...

**HopelesslyHopeful: **Yeah...it is sad so far...sigh but I hope it won't last long...but you know, it's art imitating life...so...it can't be all happiness all the time...

**Pia: **Thanks so much!!!! I will! And please continue reading as well!!!!

**tohma4me: **No...sigh I didn't forget...did you ever read the "Vampire Chronicles"? But, like I mentioned to Cosmic, I guess Shu only hears the most important things...And, remember that Amadeo mentioned he's a novelist, so yeah! He is very descriptive. And it's okay, it's taken me months to update this thing..so...Yeah! I'll try not to let so much time go by next time!! Thanks so much for sticking by! It's so awesome to read a review from someone who's been around since I started it! In fact, double kudos for you!!!

Please remember that Reviews are very much appreciated! Even short reviews! Even a review that only says 'liked it, update soon' anything!

Even if you don't review at all, for whatever reason, I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it!

**Chapter Warning: **some descriptive slash, not too blush inducing, thou. And character death, sadness... that's it I guess...

Enjoy!!

**When the cold takes its toll**

**A fanfiction by Chiyoku Shibata**

**Chapter 17: Flashbacks (Part 2)**

It had been a bleak morning, and it would only get worse for me as I was forced to endure my sensei's babbling about one of his other students.

_Eiri this, Eiri that, Eiri, Eiri, Eiri! He sounds like a girl with a crush! _

"Did I tell you how American he looks? With his blond hair, and light eyes. His eyes are slanted but huge and it makes him look adorable. And the way he's always running towards me at the park where we meet to study. Eiri Uesugi. I think he likes me. As in _likes me_ likes me. I can't even imagine the expression he'd make at the height of pleasure, but god knows it'd be so beautiful. He's your age, did I tell you, Amado?"

_Amado, it means loved one in Spanish, and that's what Mr. Kitasawa calls me in private. Amado, and every time I hear him say it...my insides heat up. _

"Make love to me!" I blurted to him moments later. His ranting was forgotten to me already, because I was that desperate for my dear Mr. Kitasawa. He looked startled for a few seconds, until we locked eyes and he saw my burning desire for him. Of course, he also looked down and saw my throbbing erection almost bursting thru my jeans.

Immediately his eyes narrowed and he licked his lips. I leaned back on the couch where we sat and slowly guided my own hands down to my inner thighs.

_I want you to want me! I want you to desire me! Just me!_

The only way for that to happen was seduction. I had to seduce him with all I had, and use my utterly limited knowledge of pleasure to the max. So, of course, embarrassed as I was, I parted my legs and massaged my inner thighs. The point was for Mr. Kitasawa to see me really hard and horny. So I threw my head back and groaned in pleasure as I closed my eyes. Needless to say, it worked wonderfully. Because next I knew, Mr. Kitasawa was giving me a bruising kiss and fumbling with my pants to get them open.

"A... aaahhh!" I opened my eyes when I felt air rush on my sex, and there was my tutor, pulling my pants down completely and throwing them carelessly somewhere in the room. I shivered with both cold and bliss as he growled and licked me.

"Oh...my--!?" Mr. Kitasawa had me soon reduced to nonsense as he engulfed my hardness as if it was the sweetest candy.

"Oh...God...teacher...teacher! Aaaahhh!"

I remember that every time I called him 'teacher' in the height of pleasure he would go crazy; it really excited him. It was probably due to some weird fetish he had with having sex with his young pupils.

Since I was so young and inexperienced, and my teacher was almost ten years my senior, I came immediately. After that he got naked and carelessly threw me on the carpeted floor. He grabbed my legs, and pulled them up and over his shoulders. And barely preparing me, he filled me with his hardness.

It was like this almost every time I went there. And I really had to study hard, to keep my father without suspicion. At least I thought he didn't suspect anything... maybe he knew, but he figured that as long as I kept studying hard, he didn't really care.

During this time, I had been in heaven, in a sweet, sweet dream; but like all dreams, eventually you wake up. And I did, it was a rough awakening, when every time I went to his apartment, Mr. Kitasawa kept babbling about Eiri Uesugi all the time. And he even called out his name a good couple of times; he called out his name when he came inside me. But me being who I was, I didn't particularly care much, as long as it was in me that he spurted his seed. I wanted him to fill me up and take as much as he wanted. It didn't matter if he thought about Eiri Uesugi while he pulled in and out me. Even when, in the middle of studying, he would open his pants and roughly pull me down to suck him; I did it with pleasure, even when each time he would speak to me as if I was Eiri Uesugi.

"Oh...yeah...yeah! Eiri...Eiri, you're so good! Oh, faster...harder...Eiri!"

Then he would come in my mouth and I would swallow everything greedily, even as he kept calling me 'Eiri' over and over.

And so it happened that one day he made a comment that had me frozen. "I'm going to make love to sweet Eiri today. He doesn't say anything, but the way he looks at me, he's just seducing me into making the first move; I just know he wants me to force him. He's coming later today, so you better go now Amadeo, so I can get things ready."

I was so shocked at the comment that I silently grabbed my things; then kneeled down in front of him, as it had become customary for me, and pulled out his member and allowed him use of my mouth until he came deep in my throat.

And as I was going down the elevator I realized something.

_He didn't call me Amado, he called me Amadeo..._

I knew that was a very bad sign. So when I got down to the lobby, instead of leaving, I sat there and waited. I wanted to see this Eiri Uesugi he kept talking so much about.

I think I fell asleep, but I can't remember for how long. And I woke up to the sound of a gun. A blond was running inside the building in a panic, I don't what compelled me to do it, but I followed him quickly up the stairs. And soon I was back at Mr. Kitasawa's floor, staring at the open door. I froze in a sheer panic.

Someone was wailing in despair and the blond was hugging this person. I walked slowly and gasped at what I saw. Two men I didn't recognize where dead on the floor. Blood was everywhere. And then I saw him, my dear Mr. Kitasawa, in a pool of blood. I gave out a short but loud yell of shock and ran to his side.

"No! Mr. Kitasawa! Yuki! Please!"

He opened his eyes a bit and saw me. He recognized me, I was crying and he looked at me sadly.

"Amado, Amado...sor...ry." He had called me Amado again, that was the closest he had ever come to telling me he loved me.

"I love you." I whispered to him, amidst a river of my tears.

"...I know..." he whispered back, with a sweet and sad smile. And then he was no more.

I started wailing in despair, I could barely hear the sirens in the distance, and someone was pulling me away. I could hear someone calling out to me, and they kept trying to distance me from the corpse of my beloved. And I could do nothing but wail. And then I saw it, I saw the gun resting next to the blond boy.

"You! You killed my lover! You killed him! I'm gonna kill you! I'll destroy you, bastard!" I yelled out as I launched myself to the other kid. I was really furious then, but the police had arrived and someone was pulling me back.

I was yelling like crazy, and the other kid was crying even louder. Several people from the police came in and I noticed that the blond man who had been struggling to restrain me pulled away as the police took over and held me back.

More people rushed in, doctors from what I could tell. But I was still yelling for Mr. Kitasawa, and how I wanted to kill Eiri Uesugi for killing my lover. The doctors rushed to me and I felt a prick on my arm. Soon I knew no more.

The next time I awoke I was in the hospital and my father was sitting in a chair at my side.

"Amadeo, this is entirely my fault, I'm sorry." he said to me.

"How...how is it your fault, father..."

"I found him...I asked him to be your tutor...and...I dare say...I knew that something was going on between you two...but I never said anything because you seemed so happy...and you were studying more than ever...I figured there could be no harm in letting it go on...pretending...not to know...but...now...if only..."

"If nothing, father." I interrupted him. "It is only natural that you would feel this way, I understand you feel guilty, and that you could have done something to prevent this. But I do not believe it is so. If anything, it is more my fault, and...Mr. Kitasawa's as well...may he rest in peace...But, despite everything, it is true that I've been the happiest since I met him. I don't regret anything that I had with him...and as it is such, you have no reason to regret anything yourself, or burden yourself with guilt. The only one who should suffer and feel guilty is that Eiri Uesugi! If only he hadn't been around! If only he had just surrendered himself and just enjoyed it! But no! He had to panic! He had to kill him at cold blood! That murderer! Murderer! Murderer! Aaaahhhh! Eiri Uesugi! I hate you! I hate you! I hate you!"

At this point, I'm afraid I went a little crazy again and the doctors kicked father out immediately and sedated me once again.

In my dreams, I was with Mr. Kitasawa once again, and as cliché as it sounds, we were walking in a field of flowers, holding hands and looking lovingly into each others eyes. We made love in that field, none like ever before. It was slow and gentle. It felt so real. Mr. Kitasawa was caressing me and whispering to me how much he loved me and telling me how much I changed his life and that he was glad to have met me. I was crying at this point, and I think that subconsciously I realized this wasn't just a dream. It really was Mr. Kitasawa visiting me in my dreams, for a last goodbye. And I kept crying and I told him how much I loved him, and I'll never forget him; he would always hold a special place in my heart, despite everything.

"There's no way I'll ever stop loving you, Yuki. There's no way I'll ever forget you. I will love you forever. And when I finally die, I will look for you. And I hope you will wait for me."

"Oh, Amado, I will surely wait for you. I love you, I always have; from the moment I laid eyes on you. And I am so sorry I went so crazy in the end. I'm so sorry it took death for me to realize what was in front of me."

"Oh, I forgave you already, my love." I answered him, and we were both in tears. Mr. Kitasawa was caressing my cheek gently and lovingly.

It was then I felt myself start to wake up again.

"No, I don't want to leave you! Not again!" I told him desperately.

"But you must, you must go on with your life. Promise me you will love again. Because it's okay for you to fall in love again, just remember that. You can love me, just as I will always surely love you. But that doesn't mean you can't fall in love again. Promise me, Amado!"

"Oh, I promise! Yuki, I love you! I promise!"

It was then I woke up once again. I felt groggy, and I automatically started crying. I realized someone was with me. And this person hugged me and I hugged him, and I cried into his chest.

"It'll pass." he said to me.

"It'll never end!" I answered.

"No pain is eternal, however great it feels at first." he said again.

It was Touma Seguchi, as I soon found out. At first I didn't know why he would want to see me, but soon I understood, when father came in, followed by Eiri Uesugi.

"It's you! Murderer!" I made a move to grab at him, but Touma held me back.

"You have to understand!" exclaimed Touma.

"Mr. Kitasawa was going to force me! He brought those men and he was going to let them rape me! I panicked! One of them had a gun and I just did the first thing that came into my mind! I'm sorry! I really am...I was very fond of him...but I did what I had to do to survive..."

"So...you're saying that if he hadn't made the stupid mistake to call those other men, then you would have allowed Mr. Kitasawa to have his way with you?" I asked him with an edge on my voice.

Eiri Uesugi remained pensive at first, "...I can't really imagine what I would have done...but I know I would not have panicked enough to kill him... anyways, I would not have had anything to kill him with, since the gun I took from one of the other men."

I remember sighing deeply and stretching out my hand towards him. He hesitated but at last came towards me and Touma Seguchi moved away. I took his hand.

"I suppose I accept that. You did what was provoked from you according to the circumstances."

He seemed utterly relieved when he heard this and he squeezed my hand. But I was far from finished. I pulled him towards me and made to hug him. He stumbled and fell on the bed. I glared at him and whispered menacingly.

"This doesn't mean I'll ever forgive you for this! And I'll sure never forget! Just remember one thing, Eiri Uesugi. I will never stop hating you!"

I pushed him away soon after. Touma caught him and looked at me. Eiri had tears gathering in his eyes. He kept crying all the time when I met him.

They immediately left the room.

Afterwards my father told me we'd be moving to the Osaka area in Japan. He said it would do me and Eiri both some good to live near each other. He said that he had a talk with Touma Seguchi and they both decided that for our own good it was the best course of action and that in time it would help us both heal our psychological wounds.

Well, it seems obvious looking at me now that I survived the ordeal. But I'm not sure how much help Eiri or Touma were. I still feel a great dislike for Eiri. I wouldn't go so far as to say I hated him...not anymore...but that's probably because so much time has passed already, and like they say, time heals all wounds...although it always leaves scars behind, and that's what I have now...a deep and long scar across my emotions.

But I survive...I did fell in love again...but...well, it's hard...I'm always reminded of my scars, I never forget them...and with Eiri visiting all the time, and Touma as well, it would be hard pressed to ever get it all out of my mind...

**Chiyoku says**: The flashback finally ends in this chapter! How did it come out? I know I'm biased because I wrote it, but I really like it! I did cry when I was writing it, I must admit...it gets sad...or at least it did so for me...I think that might have been because I was the one writing, so oftentimes the writer feels the emotions of the story maybe more closely and strongly than the reader, especially since he is the one writing it...anyways, that's just my opinion on the matter...

**Please Review!!!!! **

See you next time!


	18. Reconstruction part 1

**Chiyoku says:** Hello, everyone! I hope you're not very, very mad at me...I'm not gonna ask for forgiveness, though. I did say I would finish it, I just never said when...(loophole, anyone?).

Anyways, Thanks all of the loyal readers! I wouldn't exist without you! And to all the reviewers, new and old alike. This chapter is dedicated to all of you who insisted and even PMed me to ask me to _please update_, and that they _couldn't_ _wait to read more_.

You inspired me to actually get started once again.

Please enjoy.

Read and Review!

**Chapter warnings:** Ryuichi gets eerily serious...get to meet the part of Ryuichi Sakuma that even Touma is unfamiliar with. And...does Kumagoro have a life of its own, or what?

**When the cold takes its toll**

**A fanfiction by Chiyoku Shibata**

**Chapter 18: Reconstruction (part 1)**

The blow of a breeze coming through the window carried with it the aroma of food. And it was the most enticing scent possible for someone who couldn't remember exactly when he had eaten last. Actually, it hadn't been that long ago. But Tatsuha had been drinking a lot since morning; so in between drinking tons of beer, trying to eat the take-out he had ordered and vomiting everything afterwards; the hours had sort of gone by in a sickening haze.

And now he was waking up again. Startled out of dreamland by yet another nightmare that had left him sweating and breathing haggardly, he got up shakily and rubbed his face as if attempting to get rid of the sickness.

After a moment's hesitation, Tatsuha decided to have a quick shower first. His stomach felt unsettled and strangely hungry as well, but the sweat, tremble and headache he was suffering seemed to be more than he could stand at the moment.

_Yeah...a warm shower will help...the stickiness will go away, at least..._ He sighed deeply and made his way to the bathroom.

Meanwhile, in the kitchen we find Ryuichi Sakuma watching a boiling pot and slumped on a chair. _Is this really all my fault? I know I can't be held accountable for the actions of someone else, but... This is a fan boy we're talking about here... _Ryuichi sighed deeply and slumped down further, his eyes cast downward. "Nee, Kumagorochan...What do you think?" he asked in a childlike depressed voice. Said Kumagoro was currently standing next to the pot with a ladle between his front paws; as if the toy really was the one doing the cooking.

_Well, Ryuchan...You spent your whole career making yourself into an image. So much so that Ryuichi Sakuma, the Jrock star, became a demigod... a sex symbol. And Ryuichi, the guy, became an idiot with the mental age of a 5 year old. Even your closest friend, Touchan, has forgotten what your true personality is. _

_You're right Kuma...I'm neither of those people...The demigod was created to attract fans, and the idiot was created to make people underestimate me. So...who's the real me? I spend so little time on my own that I can't remember... _

"Oh, do you hear the shower Kuma-Kuma? I think Tatchan is finally up! Yaaay!" he exclaimed in a cheery childlike voice. And his body expression changed completely to depict the happiness that his voice was supposed to convey.

"Come on, come on! Hurry up with that Kumagoro! Oh, it's ready? O.k.! I'm a gonna serve it, then!"

And so, Ryuichi did just that. Jumping around the kitchen and singing one of his more hyper songs, he grabbed two bowls and served the yummy ramen; while Kumagoro took out glasses and two bottles of mineral water.

They worked in perfect harmony as they set the table. Kumagoro took longer because of his size, and Ryuichi kept jumping around the toy, going back and forth with things with surprising speed and balance.

Tatsuha walked to the living room, and from there he saw Ryuichi helping Kumagoro into a high chair. _So he's really here...mmhh...ramen...my fave...it smells good. I really hope I don't end up throwing up..._

He shuffled towards the table and Ryuichi finally noticed him. The older guy's face broke into a big smile and pointed to a chair with a nice serving of the hot ramen.

"It's beef flavored! I hope you like it. Touma always has it because it's my favorite!" commented Ryuichi.

"It...it's my favorite, too..." murmured Tatsuha shyly as he sat down.

"Really! Yaaay! That's awesome! I'm gonna have to add you to my list, then! It's my super list of everyone I've met who loves ramen!" cheered Ryuichi as he sat down and grabbed his chopsticks.

"Itadakimasu!" he exclaimed cheerfully. "Now, don't eat it very fast, Tatchan. O.k.? Kuma always keeps ad-...ad...what's the word? Right! Advising! Thanks Kuma. 'nyways... Kuma keeps ad-a-vizing me to eat slowly when I'm feeling sick. So your tummy won't push it all back out... "

_Sheesh...this guy sure talks a lot..._ thought Tatsuha as he slowly picked up his chopsticks and started eating.

"...and then he jumped up from the guardrail and yelled out _'stop right there Mechasaurus! I've got you surrounded! Your reign of terror ends today!' _ It was the coolest! But of course it didn't end right there because the half hour was up and the episode was over...But still! Mechasaurus sure had it coming, didn't he, Kumachan? Yes, that was a great episode, except for when Kuma and I both got a an ice cream ache...right, Kuma? That wasn't very much fun at all...Of course, it was worth it just to see the look on Touchan's face when he had to cancel all of Ryuichi Sakuma's interviews for the day! We did get a talking to, though...that was boring...it was like...did you ever see Peanuts? They have a teacher that goes _'blahblahblah, blah blah blah blah!' _Yeah...that's about all I could hear coming from his mouth...it was the funniest thing! Of course he got even more mad at us when we started laughing silly in the middle of his lecture..."

"Why are you doing this to me?" interrupted Tatsuha.

"huh?" answered Ryuichi, oh-so coherently. Tatsuha sighed deeply and looked down at his half eaten bowl of ramen. The likes of which was extremely tasty, by the way.

"...I mean...why are you helping me? Taking care of me? I...I don't deserve this..."

Ryuichi stared at Tatsuha in what could be discerned as a serious gaze. Luckily, Tatsuha was still looking into his bowl, otherwise he would have been utterly shocked at seeing Ryu looking so serious, for once...

"Everyone deserves a second chance, don't you think?" he finally said in a deep tone of voice. Tatsuha's eyes widened and he looked up at his god. His eyes held misery and a yearning to be understood...forgiven.

"I'm sorry, Tatsuha. I can't give you the forgiveness you seek. I'm not the right person. But I can help you set yourself straight; there's a chance here for you to make things right. But first you need to make yourself right, and I want to be the one to help you restore order within you.

You're still young, there's no reason for you to waste your life for a mistake. There's still a chance for you to rectify your wrongdoings. You just have to be a man and stand up and do the right thing."

Tatsuha stared in shock at his idol. And he came to a startling realization. _Ryuichi Sakuma is human._

**Chiyoku says:** I hope you enjoyed it. I would have made it longer, but, alas, I just felt it was a good place to end it. Remember to review! Remember that reviews are the food that fuels my writing spirit!

**Next Chapter: **We go back to have a look at Suguru in his anguish after his encounter with his father.

I'll try not to make it too angsty...but I can't promise anything...this particular part of the story always hits me too close to home, so my emotions might get carried away with me when I write it...

**Another important note!** I am currently looking for suggestions as to who to choose for Amadeo's new lover. Who do you think should be? Please review and tell me your suggestions.

Thank you and see you next time!


	19. Forbidden Past

**Chiyoku says:** I finally managed to work my way through chapter 19! I'm excited. This was a hard chapter to work on, and honestly, it didn't really inspire me with much excitement about writing it...so, thanks to all those who reviewed, and everyone who has me on alert, and even if you don't review, thanks for reading.

It took a long time in coming, but here it is! Chapter 19!

So please Enjoy!

And remember to read and review please!

**chapter warning: **Suguru gets a little angsty as he tells Hiro of his past. He speaks a lot... Hiro just listens... oh, and what he implies... or rather says- about his past, might be hard to understand for some of the younger people out there...

**A/N: **Almost forgot...the paragraphs in _italics _indicate flashbacks.

**When the cold takes its toll**

**A fanfiction by Chiyoku Shibata**

**Chapter 19: Forbidden Past**

There was a dull feel in the air as the young boys sat on the park bench. The dark clouds had long since ended their ominous dancing in the skies; and while they still hung about, it was nothing to be awfully frightened about.

Suguru, though, felt that the feelings in his heart were rightly reflected in the skies. And as he looked at the dark clouds that still tainted the beautiful blue, that feeling intensified. Because, even though the terrible storm had passed, there was still something hanging there that spoke of a dreadful time that had been lived not too long ago.

After some moments, Suguru had finally gotten a hold on his despairing tears, as well; but the feelings that brought them, much like the dark clouds in the sky, still lay there just below the surface. He was fighting tooth and nail to prevent them from escaping, though. Besides, he did feel much better now; Hiroshi had helped him much, just by holding him while he cried. And despite the fact that the older boy would probably never completely understand what Suguru was feeling, it still helped that he tried.

"Suguru, do you want to talk about it?" asked Hiro as he looked over to the young boy sitting by his side.

"Talk about what?" answered the boy. His voice was barely a murmur, and his head was being slightly supported by the older boy's shoulder.

Hiroshi raised an eyebrow and then rolled his eyes with a tired and exasperated sigh. "What happened before, with...your father...I kinda sensed some hostility there..." both boys smirked and chuckled a bit at the understatement.

"I don't know if you might want to hear...it's rather hard to tell..." explained Suguru, sighing deeply and dropping his head down against his hands.

"Try me, even if it's complicated, I'll understand."

"No, that's not what I mean...it's hard because it's so painful..."

"Oh..." Hiro looked up at the sky and stayed silent, while Suguru gathered his wits and finally stretched and sat comfortably again, his back on the bench. Hiro looked down and brought his arm around Suguru, gently pulling him close. The other boy smiled contentedly and closed his eyes. Hiro, unseen by Suguru, smiled tenderly at the young boy and his eyes took on a look that was hard to identify, a look that reflected affection, some might have said it was the look of someone falling in love. And while it was a rather hackneyed explanation, it seemed to be the closest to the truth.

"Do you have any idea how it feels...how it feels to know, even from a very young age, that your father cares more about his job than his family...?"

Suguru started with a question, his eyes still closed as he thought about his life before independence.

"I remember in school... how my classmates complained that their fathers worked so much they never saw them... They were so mad at them because they just wanted to spend time with them. Some time after that they would come back and tell us all about their exciting day, having fun with their family, and how their father had finally taken time from work to be with them... I was so jealous... and I understood, even back then, that the father of that classmate worked so hard because they wanted to give their family the best. I could tell that they cared, and it was just palpable...the love they held for each other..."

Suguru then sighed deeply and opened his eyes, looking down at his hands he continued. "Well, my father did hold a deep love inside, but his love was only for himself and for his work. He would have done anything for a pat on the back and a raise."

Suguru stayed silent now, eyes still facing down, and Hiro was looking at the boy with sad eyes.

"I remember everything...as if it had been yesterday...it was the day when I realized there was something about father that went beyond what I thought I knew..."

_Soft piano music filled the air, in the background a soft thunder. A little boy sat on the floor with various toys strewn about him. A little toy cowboy sat on a horse and the boy grabbed it and started making car noises as he mimicked the horse's run. A girl only a couple of years older giggled at the boy and ruffled his hair. _

"_Su-chan! A horse doesn't make that noise." she laughed prettily and started to dance around to the sound of the piano. Her skirt flowed around her and her long wavy hair moved in unison with her movements. She was the picture of purity and happy naïveté. _

_The boy grumbled and yelled out, "I know thaaaat! But it's a hybrid! Half horse, half car!" the girl laughed at the answer and twirled around, her skirt flying up and twirling around with her. _

"_It sure don't look like a car!" she answered._

"_Oh...the car is on the inside!" the girl laughed again and kept twirling, and now she started humming a soft song that went perfectly with the piano and her careful dance._

"I have an older sister... about four years older, actually. She was always such a happy girl. Dancing and singing all the time. My mother would play the piano, and she would sing and dance around. I always remember that, and... sometimes... I think that it might even be the reason I ended up as I am now, you know, so gifted at the synth..."

Both boys smirked at the last statement, and Hiro ruffled the younger boy's hair. "Seriously, though...I...I don't know what she's up to now...the last I heard of her from mom...she was having another child from one of her millionaire lovers...and...I do stress _lovers_... I guess I can't blame her much, though...it all really goes back to father..."

_Quick and busy steps suddenly followed into the room. The girl plopped down on a nearby divan and the boy halted his movements. The piano stopped playing, as well. _

"_Sugi-chan, use your inside voice. You're not so stupid that you can't understand that, are you?" said a man with a mellow voice. He was dressed in an expensive looking business suit and he carried in his hands an intricate looking Lolita dress. _

"_Tamika, Sagato-san was kind enough to buy a dress for your outing with him today. Go change, he will pick you up soon." _

_The girl got up softly and with a gentle grace walked up to her father and took the offered dress from his hands. She observed it with a critical eye for a few seconds before giving a low bow. "Thank you, Father. It's beautiful." _

"_Well, you will thank Sagato-san properly when you are with him. Now go change. Your mother will be up to help you."_

_The girl stood straight again and stole a quick look at her mother before walking with a gracefully quick step towards the stairs and glided up to her bedroom. The woman at the piano, her mother, got up from her seat and gave a small bow and a small kiss on the lips of the man, before she too hurried gently up the stairs. _

_Suguru sat on the floor, still with the toy in his hand, and he was looking up at the man who was his father. "What are those silly things you're playing with?" asked the man. _

_Suguru stayed quiet because he knew it was not a question he was supposed to answer. The man sighed deeply and rubbed his temple in an annoyed manner. "Get up, Sugi-chan. Do something useful, for once." _

_Suguru jumped up immediately, letting the toy in his hands fall to the floor with a clutter. The man winced and narrowed his eyes at Suguru... "What did I tell you about being careful?" he said quietly. _

_Suguru bowed awkwardly and muttered a quick sorry. But suddenly he found himself on the floor in a heap. His eyes were wide and quickly filling with tears as he clutched his aching cheek. He swallowed a sob and kneeled quietly before his father, head lowered in submission. _

"_I believe I taught you better than that, Sugi-chan." murmured the man loudly. _

_Suguru sank even lower before speaking in a clear and loud, but obedient voice. "You are right, Father. I'm sorry." _

"_It's alright; you're only a boy, after all. You can't help yourself being dim-witted every once on occasion. But I intend to get it out of you, son, so don't you worry." _

_Suguru breathed deeply and replied. "Thank you, father. You always know what's best for me."_

"_Of course I do, Sugi-chan. I am your father, after all. Many years your senior. I will always know what's best for you."_

Suguru sighed deeply and leaned into Hiro. His eyes were now trained on a small barren patch where dead wet leaves lay on the ground. Hiro stayed silent, mainly because he knew the boy needed the space to speak without interruption, lest fear clutch at him suddenly and prevent him from speaking out his tale.

Partly, though, the older boy did not really know what to say to the other boy. He could never imagine his dad being the way that Suguru's father seemed to be. Of course, he did get disciplined growing up, whenever he messed up... which was often, considering that he had Shuichi for a friend...but to think of his father just hitting him because he didn't bow properly or accidentally made a loud noise or dropped something... now that was extreme.

He was almost scared or reluctant of hearing the rest.

"Despite never really loving us as a father should, he did know how to punish... and...he did know how to take advantage of the opportunity of having two kids... because...that was the main thing on his mind all the time... how to use everything and everyone he had around him to further himself in the company he worked at..."

_Just then there was a loud knock on the door and Suguru's father straightened._

"_Quickly, Sugi-chan, grab those toys and put them away."_

_Suguru jumped up and hastily did as he was told. His father walked to the door and opened it with a pleasant expression carefully molded on his face._

"_Sagato-san! How are you fairing in this awful weather? Please, come on in." he greeted._

"_Fujisaki-san, I fair well, thank you. Although, something strong wouldn't go amiss, it is rather cold out there." Sagato, the stranger who walked in, was rather like Suguru's father. Dressed in a suit that looked just more expensive than his father's, with his dark hair fixed with gel, the man was rather strong looking, and bore a cold expression on his face. He wasn't bad to look at, though. Suguru found the man interesting, and he couldn't help but stare. The object of his interest soon noticed and walked closer to him. "And this is...?" asked the man, glancing quickly at his father and back at Suguru. It was as if this man was staring into his eyes, deeply into his soul. "Ah, that is my son Suguru. Did I never mention him before?"_

"_I'm afraid it must have slipped your mind." the man was still looking at Suguru. The boy, for his part, stood transfixed on his spot. He swallowed hard and licked his lips innocently. The man narrowed his eyes and walked closer to Suguru. And putting a hand in his pocket, the man pulled out a lollipop and handed it to the boy. "Nice to meet you, Suguru-kun." said the man in a somewhat pleasant manner. _

"_N-nice to meet you as well, sir." Suguru answered in a slight stutter, grabbing the lollipop and looking at it and the back at the man. "Thank you, it looks delicious." _

"_Eat it, then." stated the man. _

_Suguru's father walked back to the man and handed him a heavy looking glass with a liquid colored like apple juice. The man accepted it and took a swig. "Very nice, Fujisaki-san."_

"_Thank you, it was a gift... Uhm, my daughter is getting ready, so..."_

"_Don't worry yourself, Fujisaki-san. I am fully entertained here while I wait. Your son looks charming." _

_Meanwhile, Suguru had opened the lollipop and was sucking on it gently as he sat on floor, his legs open and his back against a chair. Suguru couldn't help but voice his pleasure at the taste of the sweet cherry lollipop, and the man looked at him again, staring deeply into him. _

Suguru sighed deeply again, slightly shaky. A betraying tear escaped from his eyes, and he swiped at it quickly. "I don't think you want to know all the dirty details. But, I think you can imagine, though...that was the day my sister's 'career' as an escort started... of course, it was my father who reaped all the benefits.

A couple of years after that, though, she decided she had enough. And she got really fed up with father. They had a huge blow out and she left the house... From what mom told me, Sagato-san... her first... bought her an apartment in a really nice part of the city... after that... it was when father finally decided it was time I gave it up, too... but I got lucky, though... because Touma was the man who offered my father money to have me, turns out father got less than he bargained for... Touma took me away from there and disappeared me... meanwhile, he worked me to death on the synth, and took me with him and his band on their concert trips. He would always say I had to learn a family trade worth knowing.

It felt almost like a dream, Touma saved me, really...I...I guess I owe him for helping me get to this day with my virginity intact..."

After Suguru stopped speaking, both boys stayed quiet for a long time. Hiroshi was trying to digest the awful story he had just heard, and Suguru was still lost thinking about his past.

Suddenly, Hiro decided to break the silence. Who knows how much time had passed... "Let's go have some coffee and sweets somewhere... what do you think? My treat."

Suguru looked up the boy with dubious eyes and suddenly smiled brightly.

"I know a place! It's really good, the man there makes all the desserts himself! Let's go, now, then. He's a friend of mine...well, I friend of the family, really...well...not really a friend, but..." here Suguru's enthusiasm slowly diminished as he tried to explain...he scratched his head as Hiroshi chuckled.

"...let's just say there's history..." Suguru laughed sheepishly and grabbed Hiro.

"Let's go, then! Onward, to _Le Café de Amadeo_!"

**Next Chapter: **Oh, how exciting! Hiro and Suguru are inadvertently going straight to where Shuichi is! What could happen? And what has Yuki been up to? Did he finally get rid of the cursed shirt? Is Touma still drinking on his own in his office? Does he ever get drunk? Drunk Touma...can't imagine... we wont see it here though...

Well, remember to Review! Please, and thank you, I hope you enjoyed this chapter.

See you next time!

Review! Please?


	20. New Love

**Chiyoku says: **Hi guys! Oh, men, I can't believe I left you guys hanging for so long! I'm really sorry, guys, I just couldn't find my inspiration anywhere for this story...and then one day, not long ago, I started getting ideas again...and before I knew it...I had 9 pages! It's the longest I've written for one chapter for this story, ever! It's like a record for me.

Of course, to be honest, in those 9 pages, I'm counting like a page and a half of the summary I wrote for all the chapters, even without that, it would still be 8 pages...so it's still super long.

Anyways, thanks for the support guys!

I wrote a summary for each chapter, which you can see below me, and it goes before the actual chapter, now to be honest, I actually wrote it for my own benefit, because it had been so freaking long since I even read this story... that I needed to do the summaries so I wouldn't make a stupid mistake when I wrote the chapter...

Well, the point is, really, that if you want to, you can read it...but it's just an option, you know, you can just skip straight to the actual chapter.

Thanks for all the reviews!

Chapter 1: Yuki is annoyed at Shuichi; Shuichi gets a bout of depression. The next day he goes to work depressed, but Ryuichi manages to make him better.

Chapter 2: Shuichi gets home, happy and intent on telling Yuki about his great day with Ryuichi. Yuki's annoyance takes a turn for the worse and he hits Shuichi; Shu runs away.

Chapter 3: As Shu runs away, he literally runs into Tatsuha, he starts crying uncontrollably, and promptly passes out in front of the other boy. Hiro has a bad feeling about Shuichi.

Chapter 4: Seguchi gets a call from a –gasp!- crying Yuki, and rushes to his aid. Tatsuha takes Shuichi away to a Bachelor's apartment that Seguchi owns and he gets the whole story from Shuichi, and tries to make him feel better by having sex with him.

Chapter 5: Seguchi gets to Yuki and gets the whole story from him. Then Yuki falls asleep and Seguchi takes him to his bed. The next morning, Yuki can't remember what happened the night before and Seguchi teases him, making him think that maybe _something _happened. Then Seguchi leaves Yuki to his troubled thoughts.

Chapter 6: The same morning as in chapter 5, but from Suguru and Hiro's point of view in the studio as they wait for Shuichi who doesn't shows up. Shuichi wakes up with Tatsuha, and proceeds to panic, he's depressed, he yells at Tatsuha for taking advantage of him, and leaves. Tatsuha gets the ugly realization that he basically raped Shuichi.

Chapter 7: Shuichi is now depressed because he feels tainted. He runs to the park and gets on a depressed rant and it starts raining. Seguchi is driving to work after leaving Yuki's apartment and plots. Ryuichi runs into Seguchi as he looks for Shuichi. Then Seguchi receives a call from Tatsuha and he manages to weasel the entire story out of him.

Chapter 8: Ryuichi gets to Bad Luck's studio, but Shuichi is not there, so they pass the time playing some songs. After a while, they stop and noticed the rain. They get worried and find out from Seguchi that Shuichi ran away after an 'altercation' with Yuki. Hiro leaves the NG building with Suguru in a dead run. Yuki gets drunk and rants randomly. He gets a call from Tatsuha and finds out what his brother did.

Chapter 9: Long after it stopped raining Shuichi finally leaves the Park and ends up in a Coffee shop where he tells the owner his whole story. Consequently, the guy offers Shuichi a place to clean up and a hot meal, because he lives right above his shop.

Chapter 10: Shuichi gets to know Amadeo, the owner of the Coffee shop, better. He finds out that Amadeo is a novelist, and Amadeo seems shocked when he finds out Yuki is Shuichi's lover.

Chapter 11: Amadeo is mad and starts to rant all the things that Yuki says about Shuichi, but Shuichi gets sad and Amadeo regrets it. Then they eat cake. Amadeo then says that 'Eiri killed his Yuki'.

Chapter 12: Hiro goes a little crazy while searching for Shuichi and Suguru gets neglected and ignored, so then he falls and gets hurt so he gets mad at Hiro, Hiro apologizes and tries to make him feel better.

Chapter 13: Small scene between Seguchi and Ryuichi, in which Ryuichi ends up putting his lollipop in Seguchi's mouth. Then a scene with Tatsuha getting drunk, in which it sorta goes back a few hours to when (in chp 8) Tatsuha called Yuki and told him everything.

Chapter 14: Back to Ryuichi, Seguchi and the lollipop. It turns that it was a plot to get Seguchi aroused enough to trick the story of Shuichi out of him. Ryuichi, in a rare rage, goes to Tatsuha intent on getting revenge, but seeing the boy drowning in misery, he changes his mind and tries to help him out. Now, Ryuichi feels partly responsible for what happened to Shuichi, because he knows that it's him that Tatsuha really wants, not Shuichi. The poor boy was just the next best thing, since they look so much alike.

Chapter 15: Ryuichi is still with Tatsuha. Hiro and Suguru finally go to the park in search of Shuichi, but the boy is long gone from there. Hiro gets a call from Shuichi saying he's alright and not to look for him. Then, a piece of Suguru's past makes a shocking appearance in the form of Suguru's dad.

Chapter 16: Amadeo tell Shuichi about his past. When Amadeo was 14, Yuki Kitasawa became his tutor, and on his 15th birthday, Kitasawa seduced him.

Chapter 17: Part two of Amadeo's story. Eiri comes into the picture, with Kitasawa telling Amadeo how much he wants Eiri. Kitasawa starts to get obsessed with Eiri, and Amadeo get jealous. Then Eiri kills Kitasawa and Amadeo wants to kill Eiri in revenge. He ends up sedated in the hospital and dreams of a last goodbye with Kitasawa. Then Amadeo's father says they'll move to Japan to be close to Seguchi and Eiri because they think it'll help to get over the ordeal.

Chapter 18: Ryuichi is cooking ramen for Tatsuha and then he rambles on to try to make Tatsuha think of other things. Tatsuha is confused and Ryuichi tells him that everyone makes mistakes and he should be a man enough to own up to it and apologize. Tatsuha realizes that Ryuichi is human.

Chapter 19: Suguru's past. Then Hiro decides they need something hot, and Suguru innocently suggests going to Amadeo's coffee shop.

Enjoy the extra long chapter! You guys deserve it for waiting so long!

**Warning: **there's some Shuichi/Amadeo in this chapter...finally! With a loving shock for some of you, or most...but anyways, I'm pretty sure it fits pretty well with the rating, so I'd say it's really nothing much to worry about. Besides, if you can read the manga, you can most certainly read this chapter, I don't think it goes beyond what you could find in the manga, really.

Enjoy!

**Chapter 20: New Love**

Amadeo had only just finished telling Shuichi of his story, and the pink-haired boy just sat there, pensive and staring at some point in the distance. Everything was covered in the gloom of silence that yelled of tragedy. There was an almost imperceptible shadow of pain, and darkness, and the silence was barely tolerable.

There was, however, one thing that was cutting the silence with the sharpness of a butter knife; a sniffling from a cute girly boy with pink hair, and sexy nightclub outfit which was falling around him from the extra sizes.

Shuichi sniffled and felt another tear go down his cheeks. It tickled something fierce, so he rubbed it out harshly with the big sleeve of the red shirt he was wearing. Soon, though, another group of the evil tears were joining their fallen comrade in their quest to tickle Shuichi.

So the boy jumped to his feet with a loud angry cry and took his shirt off. Balling it up tightly, he used it to rub his face, and all the while muttering under his breath.

"Stupid tears...stupid life...stupid fate putting me in the way of another novelist with a tragic past...but it's not Amadeo's fault, though...he was tricked into loving someone who just wanted to use him...he's like me, almost...except he's smarter and more manly...stupid Kitasawa...he has to ruin everyone's life even after his death...but then there's that dream Amadeo says he had...it could be true...it's like some kind of tragic love story...doomed from the start...how romantic...I wish I had a romantic tragic love story...oh wait...didn't I ran away from my lover after he beat me up..(kind of)...only to wind up getting tricked into sleeping with his brother...never mind then...stupid tears...evil tears bent on Shuichi world domination...tickling me to death..."

Meanwhile, Amadeo sat there staring at the weird boy with a raised eyebrow.

"Ah...Shuichi...ehm...please don't cry?" he asked uncertainly. The other boy paused from his mania briefly at the request, he looked ahead with an odd glint in his watery eyes. Shuichi then sniffled loudly, clutching the tear soaked shirt tightly against his chest.

"You're sooo kiiiiind!" yelled out Shuichi, as he dropped the shirt and threw himself at Amadeo, wrapping his arms around the other man.

Amadeo fell back against the side arm of the couch and, out of instinct, put his legs up on the couch as he found himself with his arms full of a crying Shuichi. These actions effectively put him laying on the couch with Shuichi on top of him clutching at his shirt.

Some moments later, Amadeo let out a shocked gasp as he felt soft wet lips crush against his own.

_Shuichi's kissing me! _he thought in surprise. "Nngh..." Amadeo couldn't help letting out a moan as Shuichi pressed him against the couch and deepened the kiss. _He's good... _he thought, as he parted his lips and allowed himself to enjoy this, despite his surprise at the action.

Shuichi, on the other hand, was in turmoil. _What am I doing? _he thought in shocked wonder. _O.k...I'm kissing Amadeo...and I started the kiss! I can barely believe it...but...why am I kissing him?_ Shuichi moaned when he felt Amadeo's tongue battling with his own.

_O.k...it doesn't matter...this feels soooo good! _

Shuichi let his hands roam the older man and he brought them lower and lower and he clutched Amadeo's shirt and stopped the kiss to pull it out and throw it on the other side of the room.

Both men moaned at the skin contact and Amadeo pulled Shuichi even closer and grabbed his butt, pressing the smaller boy against his tight area and bucking his hips at the same time to get more friction.

Shuichi moaned loudly and threw his head as he started to move his hips on his own accord._So hard... _he thought, as he closed his eyes tightly and pushed himself better against Amadeo. "So good..." he murmured.

"Aah, Shuichi!" gasped Amadeo.

Shuichi then moaned loudly and went back to attacking the older man with his mouth. Amadeo lost himself in the sensations and pleasure he was receiving from Shuichi as the boy easily took the dominant position.

It was incredible for Amadeo, the feel of Shuichi's lips, the tongue mapping out his hot cavern, and his own tongue strongly encouraging it.

Shuichi still almost didn't know what had come over him, but the desire to make this kind and gentle man feel better had been undeniable; Shuichi couldn't help but think that he felt a connection to Amadeo; both men loving someone older, someone emotionally unavailable to them. They had both been stung by love, and Shuichi now desired to forge a deeper connection, and the fact that the man in question is very good looking was not a deterrent by any means.

Regardless, though, this was a very new and extremely enjoyable experience for Shuichi. He had never been dominant before, but then again, he never really had a choice in the matter before, either. What with falling in love with the epitome of a dominant and all that. In this case, though, it felt right.

Oh, but Amadeo was so responsive, gripping Shuichi tightly and pulling him closer, moaning, writhing, and bucking his hips continuously now, in an intense rhythm. They were both so hard now, and desperate for love. It was getting very passionate, very fast. And neither man was ready to stop anytime soon, either.

Meanwhile, on another part of the city, Suguru and Hiro walked side by side with a bit of a skip on their steps. It had been a trying day for both of them, really...with Shuichi disappearing, and going all over the city looking for him...only to receive a call from him saying not to worry...and then, to top it all off, Suguru's father appears and causes trouble.

Now, though, the prospect of a hot drink and a good chunk of warm chocolate cake dripping with fudge gave both boys needed warmth to their souls. So even before getting to the café, their mood had certainly been lifted a good bit.

"Soooo...how do you feel?" asked Hiro in an easy tone of voice, as if to make light of the question.

"I'll be fine. Don't worry about me." answered Suguru, "this was an event that occurred more than six years ago, you know." he added in his usual "Seguchi" tone that seemed to have rubbed off on him from all those years of being mentored by Touma.

"...O.K...I'm just asking, you know...you...eh...reacted quite...badly...before..." responded Hiro hesitantly.

Suguru sighed deeply and refrained from frowning as he looked up into the skies, the dark clouds still hanging overhead, but somehow, quite no so threatening as before.

"He shocked me, I suppose...I hadn't seen him in more than six years..."

"Oh...that's understandable, then..." commented Hiro.

The boys were now out of the park and they were walking down the street. Since the rain had stopped, there were more cars and people out now. And it was already a mesh of noises that is quite common in the cities; cars, honks, cell phones, people talking, and the steps of shoes and heels hitting the damp pavement full of soggy leaves.

Hiro walked on the inside of the street with his hands in his pockets and his auburn hair falling over his right shoulder and over his face. Suguru walked beside him, his hands at his sides, clenched in a lose grip. He looked ahead with his features schooled in a serious manner.

Hiro kept looking sideways to Suguru, he had noticed for a bit now how tight the boy looked. He was usually a serious person, but in this case it was more than that. It was almost like he was trying to contain his emotions. And Hiro, very used to Shuichi's way of being, was unnerved by the show that Suguru was putting on. Hiro knew that closing his feelings inside his mind like this was dangerous, especially in their business...there were far too many celebrities on drugs for his liking, and at the end of the addiction, it was almost inevitable to find that the reasons were mostly stress. Hiro believed that stress and addictions were caused by not having anyone to talk to, or by having people around that just didn't care or try enough.

Of course, Suguru was stronger than that, especially having essentially been raised by Touma Seguchi. But still, it never hurt to offer some console, even when it was not asked for. So, Hiro, with this in mind, acted before his resolve wavered.

Suguru was startled from his thoughts when he felt someone grab his hand and pull him. He turned and saw Hiro had grabbed his hand in a grip. The older boy had pulled him closer and now their arms were touching, and rubbing against each other as they walked.

Suguru blushed lightly and bit his lip. "Uhm, Hiroshi...what are you doing?" he asked in a low voice.

Hiro swallowed the lump in his throat and kept walking firmly, without looking at Suguru. "I'm holding your hand...duh..." he answered.

"I...I noticed, Hiroshikun...but my real question is, why?" added the younger boy.

"I wanted too...I...I think we should spend more time together...you know...to aah...deepen our bond so as to work together as a band better...I mean...Shuichi and me have known each other since forever...and well, I wanna get to know you as much as I know him, you know..."

Suguru was feeling a little shocked as he stared at Hiro, he refrained from saying the first thing that came into his mind...which had been an unintelligent_huh? _when Hiro had mentioned wanting to spend some time with him...his second thought, however, came out of his mouth unbidden, going straight from his subconscious, to his mouth and out without even stopping by the section that separated his _stay in my mind_thoughts, from his _safe to come out _thoughts.

"I wanna be with you, too!" He exclaimed, and he turned bright red in an instant as his mind finally caught up with him.

Hiro tripped and managed to catch himself as he coughed up a lung in shock.

"I didn't it mean it that way!" exclaimed Suguru, only to regret it a second later as Hiro blushed as well, because his exclamation only went to confirm that he realized what his original stumble had implied.

"I...I mean...I did mean it...but, but...not in that way! I mean...I...I have no idea what I meant..." finished Suguru with a resigned sigh.

Hiro chuckled then, and said "You're cute, Suguru." which promptly made the boy in question blush even more.

Suguru, however, was saved from further embarrassment as he looked up and saw their destination. "Oh, there it is! Across the street, that's the Café we're going to!" he said as he pointed ahead.

Hiro looked to where Suguru was pointing and read the sign _Le_ _Café de Amadeo_. Hiro saw it and he couldn't help but get a feeling of foreboding. He tried to shake it off, but it suddenly loomed in him like the dark clouds loomed in the skies; no longer threatening but still ominous.

_What is this feeling in my heart and mind...a shadow looms...what is it...I remember the last time I got a weird feeling...it was...last night...it seems so long ago, somehow...but, it was at the same time that Shuichi was probably running away...I wonder if this is the same? Is there more trouble brewing? _

Hiro was startled out of his thoughts by Suguru, who was looking at him with a weird expression. The boy then pulled at his hand and forced him at a rapid pace across the street.

Moments later, Suguru made a noise of annoyance as he realized the sign was set on _closed._But he wasn't deterred as he stared inside with a thoughtful frown in his face.

Hiro was looking around too, but he was confused. "Uhm...Suguru, it seems like it's closed...should we just go somewhere else?" he asked.

"Normally, I'd agree. However, Amadeo lives here, right above the café, and he should be open at this hour...it's rather odd..." answered Suguru.

"Well, then, he probably had an emergency or something and had to close early..." added Hiro.

Suguru sighed now and looked at Hiro with a worried expression. "Again, normally I'd agree with you...but...see the door in the back?" he asked as he looked into the store again while pointing at the back.

Hiro looked at where Suguru was pointing and saw an open door.

"That's Amadeo's door to his apartment upstairs." explained Suguru. "It shouldn't be open. Not if he had to leave...and he usually closes it if he's just upstairs, you know...this is rather unusual behavior for him...it worries me..."

Hiro heard what Suguru said, and the feeling in his heart came back, the shadow loomed closer...

"What do we do, then? The door is closed, right?" he asked.

Suguru nodded in agreement, "It is," he said, "however, Amadeo always leaves a spare key out here just in case...I just have to find it..."

Suguru let go of Hiro hand, and looked around...first in the potted plants, before shaking it off as too obvious a place...then he looked under the sides of the door...but no, nothing there either. Then he remembered that Amadeo was a good bit taller than him.

"Hiroshi, reach up over the door, would you? I think they might be there." he said, and Hiro nodded and, standing on his toes, he reached up and patted over the top of the door...there was lots of dirt and..aha! a key!

Hiro grabbed it and handed it to Suguru with a smile; the other grabbed it with a shy smile of his own and a light blush.

Soon, though, the door was opened and the two boys made their way inside slowly before locking the door once again.

Hiro looked around the café and he couldn't help but admire the slight European style of the place. Suguru, however, having been there many times before, decidedly walked on to the open door in the back.

Hiro soon followed and they slowly made their way up the stairs.

"Ah, Shuichi! I'm coming!"

Hiro and Suguru froze in shock when they heard the voice that seemed to have yelled out in ecstasy. They turned to look at each other, and seemed to mirror thoughts, _Shuichi? _

"That's Amadeo's voice..." whispered Suguru.

"Ah, Amadeo! Nnngh..."

A very familiar voice followed, and the two boys now opened their eyes wide in shock.

"That's Shuichi!" exclaimed Hiro in a whisper. He made to move up the stairs when Suguru grabbed his arm in a strong grip.

The boy had a serious look on his face, "let's give them a moment to collect themselves...and then...we'll catch them red-handed."

Hiro frowned but nodded.

And they waited, and waited for the longest five minutes of their life. Just when Hiro was about to protest, Suguru moved quickly up the stairs, and Hiro scrambled to reach him in time.

Suguru burst the door open, and he stopped in shock.

The two figures on the couch, Amadeo and Shuichi, were naked and covered in sweat. They were looking in frozen shock at the boys who stood at the door. And the boys, for their part, were shocked when their eyes inevitably drifted downwards and they noticed just who of the two men had come inside the other.

"Shuichi!" exclaimed Hiro as he pointed at them, then he frowned in honest curiosity. "You topped?" he asked.

Shuichi immediately blushed and scrambled to sit up, making Amadeo gasp in a short burst of pleasure as Shuichi pulled out of him rather suddenly.

Hiro and Suguru turned around politely to give the other two a chance to grab their clothes.

"Uhm...don't turn around..." said Amadeo. "Hi, Sugurukun...uhm, why don't you guys get comfortable...there's some food and cake in the kitchen...o.k.? Shuichi and I are going to take a shower and get changed and we'll be right with you...o.k.?"

Suguru and Hiro both nodded and voiced their agreement, while Amadeo grabbed Shuichi's hand and pulled him down the hall and into the bathroom.

Once inside, Shuichi dropped the clothes and started laughing. "Oh, my god! That was so funny! What a shock...what are they even doing here! How did they find me? They must have a Shuichi-sense or something!"

Amadeo placed his clothes on a bin and turned to set the shower. "I don't think they were actually looking for you when they came into the shop, Shuichi...I know Suguru for some years now... he comes with Touma sometimes..."

"Oh..." now Shuichi looked kind of disappointed. "'cuz a Shuichi-sense would be so cool..." he said. Amadeo chuckled, and turned to Shuichi again.

"Come on, the shower's waiting for us."

Amadeo and Shuichi smiled at each other and got into the shower together.

They both sighed in comfort and started cleaning themselves. Soon, though...it turned into something else as Amadeo licked his lips in desire and proceeded to kneel in front of Shuichi. The other boy swallowed at the look on Amadeo and then gasped.

After they had their fun and they were getting out of the shower, Amadeo brought up an important topic.

"Shuichi," he started, "what's gonna happen now?" he asked.

Shuichi frowned, not understanding the question. So Amadeo clarified, "between us." he said as he moved his hand quickly pointing to the both of them.

"Ooh...uhm...aren't we lovers now?" asked Shuichi in response, his voice taking a naive tone.

"Are we? I mean...I think I really like you now, you know...but I wouldn't want to be some sort of replacement or rebound for Eiri...not that I'd care if you hurt the bastard with all he deserves...but, well...you know."

"Oh...well, I really like you, too. I feel like we're alike, you know. Like we connect in a way that I've never been able to do with Yuki...besides, it felt awesome to be the one in the hole for once...uhm" Shuichi stumbled and blushed at what he said.

Amadeo raised his eyebrow, "_in the hole_? Is that what Eiri says?"

Shuichi blushed again, but this time in anger, as he frowned and looked to the floor. "Yeah...I remember once...he...he said I was just a convenient hole..."

"...Shuichi..."

"...at the time I thought he was just joking with me, you know...being mean in a playful way...but now..."

Amadeo couldn't stand the pain in Shuichi's voice and hugged him fiercely. The boy gave a sob and clung to Amadeo.

"It hurts so much, Amadeo! I loved him! And I thought that deep inside he loved me, too! Even though he never said it! He never showed any affection for me at all! Not anything! But I kept looking, and looking! And I thought he was just shy! I thought he just had a hard time because of the hurt from Kitasawa! I thought that even though he couldn't say it he felt it! And it hurts to realize that it was all a lie! All I ever was to him was a convenient hole!"

Amadeo could feel the pain from Shuichi deep inside him, and it affected him very much as well. In a way, Shuichi was absolutely right, they were connected...both connected by their past love...Kitasawa for him, who Amadeo is still sure really did love him, and Eiri _Uesugi_ for Shuichi...but also, the cold hearted bastard of a novelist had also ruined Amadeo's love, by seducing Kitasawa away from him! So, yes, Shuichi was absolutely right! They were connected, and it was just the chance he had been waiting for to heal his heart and get revenge on Eiri, by stealing his lover away from him!

Some would call it poetic justice, or fate, but really, Amadeo called it sweet revenge, and the _man _had really brought it on himself by being such a bastard to Shuichi, who was such an innocent and kind hearted person.

"Shuichi, I think I'm starting to fall in love with you." murmured Amadeo.

Shuichi, for his part, stopped sobbing from the shock. He froze on his spot in Amadeo's arms, and the slowly, and gently he pulled back and stared up at the man.

It was the first time he heard that, really heard it. And by god, did it just feel amazing!

"I...I think I'm starting to fall in love with you too." he whispered in response.

And at that, Amadeo and Shuichi looked deeply into each other's eyes, and there reflected was honesty, and kindness, and, dare they thought it, love.

Amadeo licked his lips again, and slowly, he got closer to Shuichi while the younger boy still looked intensely into the Amadeo's eyes. And when they were a breath apart, they paused, and thought in unison _this is it_ and then, they were kissing; and it was a kiss like they hadn't experienced before in their life, so full of passion, and love, and care for each other. They gripped at each other strongly, almost afraid to let go, and they kissed for what appeared to them to be an eternity. It was the most amazing feeling in the world.

And then it was over, and just when it seemed like nothing could break the magic...Shuichi sneezed, straight into Amadeo's face.

Amadeo closed his eyes in instinct for a moment, and when he opened them, Shuichi was blushing in embarrassment. He looked so flustered, that Amadeo couldn't help it and he laughed, and laughed.

Shuichi blushed even more, and then wrapped a towel tightly around himself as he shivered.

"Oh, yeah...we're still naked, aren't we...drag...let's go to the laundry room...I think your clothes must be dry already..."

Shuichi rubbed his nose and nodded in agreement. They went to get Shuichi's clothes and then walked to Amadeo's bedroom, where they proceeded to get dressed quickly and finally, they made their way back into the living room, where Suguru and Hiro where sitting in some chairs with cake and a hot drink in their hands.

Amadeo grinned playfully as he dropped on the couch, "What, is the couch not comfortable enough for you guys?"

Shuichi and Hiro both blushed, and Suguru glared at the man.

Afterwards they proceeded to talk for a while, and Suguru and Hiro related to Shuichi everything he had missed, and then Shuichi, quite hesitantly, told them everything that happened to him.

Amadeo had suggested he shouldn't if it's hard, but Shuichi insisted in telling his friends and band mates everything, and by the time he finished Hiro looked murderous, and Suguru looked very serious, almost like Touma when he gets told of something that affects those he love.

But then they changed topic, "So what's up with you guys?" asked Hiro.

"Yes, we walked in on something rather personal, didn't we." added Suguru.

Shuichi blushed again, something of which he seemed to be doing a lot of lately.

"Well...that was...something...uhm..."

Amadeo grinned and put an arm around Shuichi and brought him closer. "Shuichi jumped me." he said.

Shuichi made a weird noise, blushed harder, and playfully hit Amadeo with his fist.

Hiro laughed and Suguru smiled indulgently.

The four men were so into their chat that they never heard the door open once again, and the ominous footsteps getting closer and closer.

"Yes, it was quite a shock to find Shindou in such a..._dominant_...position." commented Suguru.

Shuichi growled and glared at Suguru, while Hiro and Amadeo laughed.

"If you're gonna be making fun of my sex life, then at least call me Shuichi, _Suguru_." he said, and Suguru chuckled and agreed.

The footsteps were now by the door, but they continued to be oblivious to it.

"So, what are you guys now, then?" asked Hiro, finally getting to the point of the conversation.

"We're together now!" exclaimed Shuichi happily, and Amadeo smiled lovingly at Shuichi, who returned the gaze with equal strength.

"We're lovers." said Amadeo, never looking away from Shuichi.

"Yes, lovers!" agreed Shuichi happily as he went in for a kiss.

But then, two men entered the room with heavy steps and stopped at the door, shocking everyone inside.

Shuichi turned around, and gasped loudly, "Yuki!" he exclaimed.

Everyone turned to look at the newcomers.

"Brat." said Yuki in his deep sexy voice, with his eyes hard as stone.

"Shindousan, I'm glad we could find you safe. And you boys, as well, Nakanosan, Sugurukun." it was now Touma who greeted them.

Eiri Yuki and Touma Seguchi had finally arrived, and they had heard _everything_.

_Oh, no._ And it was a thought they all shared.

**Chiyoku says: **Hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it!

Please review! And see you next time!


	21. Endings And Beginnings

**Chiyoku says: **Hey, Guys! You know, I started writing a fickie for Harry Potter, and if you're a fan of a Slytherin!Harry making friends with Draco Malfoy, you might wanna check it out, however, I also figured that since I started with this one first I might as well finish it already, even if it's been a while...make that a loooong while...

Thanks to all of you for reading and sticking around!

Enjoy the last chapter!

**When the cold takes its toll**

**A fanfiction by Chiyoku Shibata**

**Chapter 21: Endings And Beginnings **

In the darkness surrounded, smoke arose, and a figure crouched on earth; the flames, born out of hatred, burned hotter and stronger than ever. There seems to have been something in there besides kindling, but it appeared to have been burnt beyond recognition.

The figure, dressed in black dress slacks and a sky blue button up shirt, worked on the kindling with a wooden stick. It all burned and crackled. There was a light present in the figure's light hazel eyes that spoke of a thousand conflicting emotions; hatred and love seemed the strongest.

Finally, the figure rose and looked ahead. The smoke seemed to let up a bit, and through the haze, there appeared another figure in the distance; closer and closer it came, while the other stood by the now dying fire. And after a time, the two figures faced each other. The first, with his tousled golden hair and matching light golden eyes that burned with strength; the second, with neatly brushed blond hair, covered by a black round hat, his eyes were troubled as he stared at the first figure. He clenched his glove covered hands and finally, he spoke. "Eiri," he said, "you know I would do anything for you, right?"

The first figure, now revealed to be famed romance author Eiri Yuki, walked around the dying fire and stood right up close to the other person, whose cheeks flared a barely perceptible pink hue.

"Touma," said Yuki, "where's Shuichi? I know you know, so tell me." The second figure, Touma Seguchi, former Nittle Grasper and owner of N.G. Records, sighed deeply, as if he had been expecting this moment all along.

"I wanted to wait as long as possible before telling you." he said, "when Shindousan didn't show today, I checked with Ksan and found Shuichi in the park...here." he finished.

Yuki's eyes widened imperceptibly with shock. He looked around slightly, as if expecting Shuichi to just show himself.

Touma carried on unaffected, "the computer showed that Shuichi stayed here for a few hours before moving on..." here, Touma hesitated and had to stop talking.

Yuki's eyes narrowed as he stared at Touma, because he knew that whenever Touma hesitated, it was a bad sign.

"Eiri...Shindousan has found himself at Amadeo's...he's been there for a few hours."

Yuki froze at Touma's statement, while the latter stared at Yuki with something akin to well concealed dread. _Shuichi is with Amadeo_, thought Yuki, and the thought repeated unconsciously several times.

Yuki knew, knowing how Shuichi's mind worked, that it wouldn't have been long before the brat was telling Amadeo everything. He was no fool. Yuki was completely certain that Amadeo would be using this opportunity to his advantage; there was no way Amadeo would be letting go of this amazing chance for revenge.

Ever since New York, Amadeo de Romanus was a part of his past he had always been rather ashamed of.

The man was everything Yuki wished he could be. Apart from being a famous author who treasured his anonymity, he was a person who appeared approachable and kind. Amadeo had never let his past with Kitasawa get in the way of living, something Yuki always wished he could do. Then again, Amadeo had something else that Yuki had never been able to obtain, Mr. Kitasawa's love. And Amadeo had always hated Yuki for taking the man away from him.

Which was why, at the moment, Yuki was angry and terrified at the same time. As soon as Amadeo found out what Shuichi was to Yuki, he would be using everything in his power to win the brat over and steal him away.

He had to hurry! He couldn't allow that to happen! And damn Touma Seguchi for not telling him sooner!

At that thought, he hurriedly walked past Touma with an angry look on his face. "Where's your car?" he asked roughly at Touma without turning around. The man in question hurried past Yuki and directed them both to his car.

There was no time to waste for Yuki, he had a brat to pick up.

Meanwhile in another part of town, Tatsuha found himself between a rock and a hard place. He was fighting with all his strength between trying to keep those blasted noodles down, just because his God/Idol Ryuichi Sakuma kept saying it was important that he keep some food down, and his desire to run to the bathroom for the up tenth time to empty his stomach.

It was too hard....relief? Or pleasing his God? In the end it no contest, though, and he let himself be guided to the couch, and he laid down and stared at the ceiling. He was still feeling pretty sick, after all.

Everything was moving around again, he knew it was a result of just how much he had drank, but still, did eating and laying down just make it worse? Tatsuha didn't know, but the awful swirling he felt in everything was just making it hard to think. He needed to decide what to do... one choice in it all was obvious, find Shuichi and ask for forgiveness.

He sighed as he felt his god, now turned human in a surprising development, caressing his head softly and caring. As soon as he felt better, he would call Touma and get him to find Shuichi for him, contact him, get him a phone number or something, that way he'd be able to ask for a meeting with the boy and ask for forgiveness.

Tatsuha now felt hopeful, Shuichi wasn't the kind of person to hold a grudge, so with this in mind, he closed his eyes and tried to focus on something other than how sick he still felt.

Ryuichi, meanwhile, decided he'd stay with this boy for as long as it took, because he felt responsible. He would help Tatsuha atone for his mistakes, and just maybe Ryuichi was wishing it would help him in his quest to find what his true personality was, not the DemiGod Sakuma, or the childish Ryuichi, but the man Ryu Sakuma, who liked to sing and go to amusement parks.

Yes, everything would be ok for these two, eventually. They had each other now.

Eiri Yuki was shocked beyond anything he could have imagined, he was too late. He got to Amadeo's house just in time for them to announce that they were lovers. _Fine! _he thought to himself, _if he can find a new lover so easily, then so can I. _He turned around angrily, and grabbed Touma's hand, pulling him away, and stalking down the stairs.

Shuichi cursed when he saw his Yuki leaving, and reminded himself of all the suffering the man had caused, because he couldn't lose sight of that, no matter how gorgeous the man is. But he needed to put a proper end to this, so he gave Amadeo a quick kiss on the lips and a strong look in the eyes. "Be right back." he said, before jumping from the couch, and running after Yuki.

He caught them right by the door. "Yuki, wait!" yelled Shuichi. Yuki felt betrayed and angry, his hand froze on the handle of the outside door. He didn't want to turn around. Touma decided he'd fix this himself, so he said, "I think you've done enough, Shindousan." But Shuichi now was angry as well, "oh, _I've _done enough?" he exclaimed loudly, "I think you're forgetting who beat up whom!" he said incredulously, and with anger laced in his voice. Then he scoffed, "besides, this is between Yuki and me, so with respect, please butt out, Seguchisan, this is personal."

Touma's eyes went wide at the daring exclamation by Shuichi, but he couldn't deny the truth of it, especially under such strenuous circumstances, so for once, he listened and went to make himself a latte, perchance there was some chocolate cake, somewhere? He did love his chocolate.

Shuichi was just mildly shocked that Touma didn't just shoot him on the spot. But he made Yuki turn around. They both stared at each other with anger in their eyes, neither one saying anything, an eternity seemed to pass, before their anger just seemed to dissipate and they stared at each other with tired eyes.

Shuichi started the conversation, "I love you." he said, and both men were surprised by the truth in that statement. "...but..." said Yuki, questioningly, and Shuichi sighed, "...but we keep hurting each other, Yuki. On purpose or not, we just keep hurting each other. Physically....and emotionally." he finished, and Yuki flinched almost imperceptibly at the word _physically_.

Yuki sighed, too. "I know..." he answered, "...I...like...being with you...but..." he said hesitantly, he just wasn't good at expressing emotions verbally, so was it any wonder he could express himself so well on paper? He just couldn't bring himself to say any of the words he knew he should say. It would be so much easier if he was sitting on his desk, writing one of his tragic romance novels...he scoffed, how ironic, his romance with Shuichi was also ending dramatically.

"You deserve someone who can be there for you, in whatever way you need them...I know I'm not that person...and it's not fair that we should both suffer together when at least one of us can find happiness with someone else." said Yuki, and as the words came out, he almost felt as if he was on the outside, listening in to someone else, rather than if he was saying the words himself, but he also felt the truth in the words he was spewing. He felt like hitting himself, was he seriously ending his longest relationship to date? And it seemed as if it was going amicably, would wonders never cease?

"You deserve to be happy, too, Yuki. Underneath it all, you're not a bad person. We just clash together, that's all. We're too different. But...I hope we can still be friends, maybe? Because I care about you, you know?" said Shuichi, grabbing Yuki's hand softly, walking closer to the man. Yuki shared a look with Shuichi, in silence, before he brought his hand up and grabbed Shuichi by the nape of the neck. Shuichi swallowed, almost nervously, and he stared at Yuki in the eyes, he couldn't look away.

And so they shared a kiss, a kiss that helped them say goodbye, and end their relationship in the same way that it was started. But in this kiss, were all the feelings they couldn't speak to each other.

After some moments, they ended the kiss, and Yuki caressed Shuichi softly. "See you around." he whispered.

They both breathed deeply and stepped away from each other, Touma was halfway through devouring a giant piece of moist chocolate cake, which he quickly washed down with coffee before he stood up, poised and proper.

"There will be no need for you to go back to Eiri's apartment. I will make sure all your things are packed and delivered...here, I suppose?" said Touma, as he walked to the door. "uhm...sure." answered Shuichi. Touma walked out, and Yuki looked once more at Shuichi, and Shuichi said, "bye." in a soft voice, before Yuki turned around and followed Touma.

Shuichi closed and locked the front door, before he ran upstairs, back to his new lover. He slammed the door behind him as he ran in, making the people still inside jump. Shuichi shared a look with Amadeo and he smiled awkwardly, "uhm...I hope you don't care if I move in....cuz....I kind of have no place to go now...since....you know....I was living with Yuki..."

Amadeo smiled lovingly, and walked up to Shuichi, hugging him and giving him a loving kiss on the lips. "I'll just have to make some space in the closet, then won't I?"

They started laughing together, before Shuichi sat on the couch and started telling his friends all about what happened with Yuki and himself.

Amadeo smiled lovingly at Shuichi before walking to the back of his apartment, to a small room all the way on the back. He closed the door and locked it, on the table there was a book, a journal style book. It was open midway, and there was handwriting all over it, along with a picture of Shuichi and Yuki pasted on it. Yuki's face was scratched out with a pen. Amadeo smirked and turned to the back of his journal.

He grabbed a pen, and wrote one single sentence in the last empty page of the book: _Mission accomplished._ He stared at the journal, with a deep sense of satisfaction growing in him. All these years of planning, now proved fortuitous. He finally had his revenge on Eiri! Not exactly the way he had originally planned, but it worked. He had the sexy rockstar to himself now, as a lover....and what a lover. And Eiri was going home, alone and heartbroken, to relieve his sorrows, no doubt, in the arms of the ever present pest that is Touma Seguchi.

"Amadeo! Where are you?" he heard Shuichi yelling for him from the living room. "I'm coming, love!" he answered. He hugged the journal to himself, before hiding it in a secret compartment, and he left the room, locking behind himself the evidence....the damning evidence that he had known about Shuichi all along. He smiled and shivered in desire when he saw Shuichi waiting for him on the couch, his member twitching, he couldn't wait to make love again.

**~Story Ends~**

**chiyoku says: **wow.....did any of you guys see that coming? I sure didn't...O.k. some notes:

One, no, there's not gonna be a sequel. Yes, you can borrow my original character and my story if you feel like making a sequel yourself, but please let me know so I can read it.

Two, I'm so happy I was finally able to finish it! I feel accomplished! This story had been a long time in coming, and I always felt kind of miserable and uncomfortable that it was unfinished...

I had another idea originally, I was planning on at least 3 or 4 more chapters before I finished it....but since it's been so long, I figured I'd just write everything in one chapter, and kind of give it some closure...

So that's it, it's been a good long arduous journey, so now that's it's finished, I'm gonna have some coffee and celebrate.

**I hope you enjoyed it!**

**ps: **feel free to read my HP fikie if you want.


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